Humilty Self Confidence Mindset

It's call number 90two, and it's so goodto see you guys come back.This is the open agenda call.In case you didn'tknow, call number 91was Matthew's content.Call whatever he called it.That's called 91.And it's already beenuploaded, thankfully.And I want to openup today's callwith the very first questionthat was posted by David Coeand Zach commented on.And now just go down the list.And we'll talk about things, ok?And I'm just going to goin chronological orderunless somebody sayssomething like Chris.No, we really want totalk about this one thing.All right.I'm just back from travelingabroad for the last eightor nine days came back fromGeneva, Dublin, Manchesterand London, and I startedto notice somethingabout the European mindset.I posted a littlebit about this,but then I startedto think about it.And I think it's more prevalentthan just for Europeansand we can dive into this.And I think to sum it up, Ithink Zach was saying this.There's a balance betweenhumility and he's a confidence.But I think what they'rethinking instead of confidence,it's arrogance.And I would say thateuropeans, for the most part,are humble to a fault,and we'll dive into that.So I'm going to stop sharingthis thing and we'll just talk,ok?No, I didn't mean to do Spotify.Zoom, where are you?I'm sure, OK, we'll talk aboutthis, the European mindset,I saw this in Edinburghand and people in Dublinwere talking about this,and when we got into it,it got really, really emotional.People were tearing upand literally somebodywho had COVID their face.A man with a beardcovered his face up,and I think he was weeping.And we're talkingabout this, and it'sbecause for so long part ofEuropean culture and anybodyis European, you want totalk about this to speak upor you share this same mindset.I think there's this pointof view where we see examplesof people who are reallyconfident to the point in whichwe perceive themas being arrogantand we don't like that.I think in Norway, inthose parts of the world,there's a saying I don'tknow how the expression,but it's like you don't wantto take credit for too much.This is humility.And I've spokenabout this before,and I think thisis a dangerous gamethat we play with ourselves.And you wonder whypeople don't feelconfident to take on the world,why they have low self-esteem,why they have heavy casesof imposter syndromeis because they're ridingthat line really hardabout humility.So when something good happens,no, that didn't happen.I was lucky and theyachieved something.Well, it just happenedto be, you know,I didn't have any part in it.So you constantlydiscredit yourselfand don't acknowledge thethings that you're doingright and doing really well.And I think that has beenthe antithesis to who I amand what I stand for now.Get this in Dublin duringa four hour workshop.The name Conor McGregorcame up because I'm like,don't you guys look up to conor?Isn't Conor amazing?No, no, no.We don't like Conor.And I said, what areyou talking about?He's a world beater.He's done things that nobody'sdone before in the sport.He's a trailblazer.And like, well, you know, you'reonly seeing a little bit of it.And I said, no, Isee a lot of it,trust me, becauseI'm an MMA fan.I know he took that Darling.He threw it at the bus,which smashed into 100 piecesand the glass wentinto people's eyesand he injuredpeople by doing that.And I think that was justConnor, the showman whogot carried awayand didn't realizewhat the heck he was doing.And the consequencesof his action.And I think he'sa showman, firstand foremost thatall the animosity,I don't think it's real.And I said to them, you can seeConnor's done incredible thingsand you see the badthings he's done.But you guys focuson the bad things.I focus on the good things.And here's the cool part.It's like a Bentobox or a buffet.You don't have toeat all the parts,you just pick theparts that you want.So I pick the parts where thisself determination, the Supremebelief, this daringus to believein oneself and thewillingness to put in the workin just to go for it.And the reason why hestands out for most peopleis because he's really aphilosopher MMA fighter.Second, just like BruceLee was a philosopher.And then in themartial arts, second.And that's what makes himreally, really interesting,so those are parts.I like to observe and to absorbinto my body and my brain.But if we're sittinghere thinkingabout all the bad thingsthat they do and we'relike, that's nota good role model,well, then I canunderstand why wehave this allergicor aversion to peoplewho have that personality.And then they said, thisis a very Irish term here.So if anybody isIrish in the group,you know, we don't want toget too big for our boots.They kept saying thattoo big for our boots.I said, so what do youguys think of me then?Because I love myself?I believe in myself.I acknowledge all the thingsI'm good at on a daily,hourly, minute by minute basis.Well, you're different,you're American, I said.So what does that mean?So you excuse Americansfor doing thisor I don't understandbecause I hope you guys don'tthink I'm an arrogant prick.Otherwise, you wouldn'tbe here, right?So there's this weird mentality,and I'll just finish it offwith this one thought.They said that it'schanging here in Ireland.It's changing, theyoung generationis becoming more American.And everybodychuckled a little bit.I said, wait, wait, wait.I know you're justsaying this, but howwe use words and the way we codeour experiences and emotionswith words is really important.So I would like for you todescribe this experiencea little differently.Instead of saying the new younggeneration is behaving in a waythat we would like to behaveand labeling that as American.Let's label thatas the true Irish.Why do we have to give creditto another country or an ideawhen it's good andpunish ourselves and say,that's Irish, that's irish?So you see if you keep sayingthat over and over again,you're going to believe it.And they looked at mewith some puzzlement,like, OK, is he so, soingrained, it's so natural.It comes out ofyour mouth so easilyto say to associate Irishwith not good in some areas,obviously, not in all, becausethere's a lot of Irish prideas well.But then to say that theAmericans are the ones whoare doing it, the Americanswho are pushing forward,here's anothersuper scary thing.I met up with somebodyand they're like,you know, 80% of the UKeconomy or the British economyis services.They've given up on products,and it's just mostly services.Maybe it's higher than 80%That's also scary to me.Like, why are weputting ourselvesinto these small boxesand feeling contentthat we can fitinside the small box?Let's open up thediscussion, guys.Let's all have tosay about that.Who wants to talk?I've got a coupleof points of that.Let's do it.Two things in particular.One Your recent callwith Seth Godin.Yeah, there wasa similar subjectthat came up with regardsto some grading between Sethand Gary V and whereSeth made really clearthat Seth Godin is Garywhen he's on camera,he's playing a character.Gary b, just like McGregor, isplaying the character McGregorwhen he's on on, on camera.Yeah, he's not thesame guy when he'swith his family, when he'swith his friends or whatnot.So to recognize thatthere is an on screenpersona and a separatepersona is somethingthat the actualperson and the showmanare two separate things.And I think.Differentiating betweenthose two personalitiescan really give someonea bad rap sometimes.And so I've seenthat and actuallyhow succinct you guysput in that meetingwas really kind of what I meant.OK, well, maybe take a secondlook at some other people,like in other areas in my life.Another point?Another section to thatwas and this separationin personality style or inhumility and/or arrogance.I've noticed as well in a goodfriend of mine and a colleague.His name's arpad.He lives in Holland, I believe.And he some people werevery, very rude or very Curtand very precise.Somebody else you mentionedin Eastern Europeanand Ukrainian tendency to beprecise or technical or sharp.And it's perhaps justa differentiationbetween North Americanshaving this predispositionto pad things and candy coat andcover the edges of everythingand start over withcanes, especially.We personify that morethan anything elsebut politicalcorrectness, as opposedto just saying what needsto be said because you'reafraid of offending someone?Yeah, more than you're afraidthan you're inputting emphasison actually sayingwhat needs to be said.So that ability, maybe thatcomes with age and wisdomthat arpad has that Ihaven't maybe yet reachedor that confidence justto say what I want to say.I mean, it's somethingmaybe I don't have.Let's talk about what you said,saying what needs to be said.I don't even know if it'sthat, because then itputs this kind ofsubjective thinglike, well, whatneeds to be said?How about how about justbeing true to yourselfand expressing how you feel?So if somebody makes you feeluncomfortable, you should say,I'm not feelingcomfortable right nowand you say it inthe I statementand said, if you are making mefeel uncomfortable because thenthat's an accusation.If we can just get into thehabit of clearly communicatingwhat it is thatwe think and feel,we're going to domuch better in life.So when a client sayssome ridiculous hasa ridiculous demand onyou to lower the budget,to change the schedule, to add4 more deliverables that youdidn't agree on, you're goingto feel really uncomfortableinside you going tohave this conflict.There's the true feelingof how you think.Like, why should I do that?That's unreasonable, isn't it?And then there's like, whyI don't want to offend them?And am I being a bad person?Am I being too greedy?They've given methe job already.And so this conflict begins inyour mind and the war rages on.And more often thannot, especiallywith creativepeople, you know whowins is we care moreabout how the person feelsand expressinghow we truly feel.Yeah, and that's adisservice to you.Now here's the weird thing.It's because you don't havethat objective lens to look at,but I know that especiallywhen I was growing up,you can insult me, butyou insult my familylike my brother and mymom, and I didn't evenlike my brother at that time.And if you insultinsulted my brother nowwe got problems becauseI'm not going to take that.So person, I didn't getalong with most of my lifegrowing up who we would getinto fights all the time.As soon as you insulthim, what happens?You step up.Mm-hmm But we're not willingto step up for ourselves.That's the weirddichotomy that I'm notquite sure I understand.Yeah and I've actually I can.I can recognize thatin several events thatcome to mind just offthe top of my headwhere you can say what youwant to attack my characterand I may not necessarilystand to my own defense,but you come after my familyor my friends and I go bananas,I go bananas.Like, I pull out the piece ofRebar and I'm coming after you.Like, I go crazy.Do you love yourself less?Then your friends?Do you love yourself lessthan your family, your mom,your dad, your brother orsister, or whatever you have?Do you love yourself less?That's that's a reallygood question that I'm notentirely sure how to answer.I want you to think aboutthat for a little bit.When you make a list ofpeople who love you the most,who are the top three?My dad, my best friend,my mother and your mom,perfect dad, bestfriend and mom.Interesting what'smissing from this list?Me and shouldn'tyou be at the top?Yeah but I thinkI've always been.Maybe it's my personalfamily, or maybe it'sthe culture that Ilive in, but I'vebeen raised that you always putthe other people first, right?Where? let me ask you acouple of questions, though.Sure I've said this before.In most emergency situations,they will tell you,put on your oxygen mask first.You don't go toanybody if you're dead.I mean, you couldsave lots of people.You can see the wholeairplane if you justtook care of yourself first.So often prioritizingother people'sneeds and wants above our own.And at some point you die.And that's the saddestthing for the three peoplewho love you the most.Like what happened to philip?He has this gianthole in his heart.And we don't knowhow to fill it,and you're like, no,I'm living for you.And that's a real problem, andI've got to tell you something,and we have this discussionquite often in our household.It's like a personwho has a holeconstantly needsto have it filled.So what they do is they'relooking for affirmationsfrom other people.Can you validate me?Is this any good?Do I do well today?And you tell mesomething nice about me?Does this make me look fat?And so after a while,everybody around you spendingtheir energy filling thishole that can never be filled,it's infinite.Mm-hmm It constantlyneeds to be filled.So what you have to do is startto heal yourself and close upthat hole, and all of a suddenyou're going to feel different.And you're goingto act different.And now, instead ofpeople giving youall their energyand their attention,they can just be therefor you and with youinstead of filling your hole.This emotional holethat is infinite.And bottomless.Yeah, that's a problem, soit's like, in my opinionand just in my opinionhere, guys not eventrained to do anyof this stuff isthat it's difficult to be aroundreally emotionally needy peoplefor me, and it's thenumber one turnoff for me.It's one of the reasons why it'ssuch a strange reaction whenpeople say, hey, can youcritique my portfolio?It's like, what do you care?Some stranger saysit's good or bad.What would that do for you wouldyou export that to somebodyelse?Shouldn't you know, already?My work is pretty good.My work is averageand can use some help.Why do you care theopinion of others?You should be yourtrue person whoto evaluate if you'reany good at anythingand to recognize both yourstrengths and weaknesses,and that is trueconfidence, arrogance.Is patching overall your weaknessesand overcompensating, and it'smaking other people's feelless so that you can feel more.and that kind of behavior.I don't like at all liketo believe in yourself.To believe in yourself,to appreciate the giftsthat you have and youhave many, all of you,you have many gifts.Just appreciate that beginsthe healing process now.Here's the stark orstartling observationI have everywhere I go.They all think the same thing.It's a projectionof desirable traits.Unto other cultures and people.It doesn't matter where Igo, if I go to bend Oregon,if I go to manila, Philippinesor Switzerland or Genevaor wherever it is, I go peoplesay the exact same thing to meeverywhere I go.So maybe some cultureshave it worse.It's deeply ingrained,but it's just really like.Why do you allow yourselfto think that wayyou can live anywhereyou want, youcan do anything that you want.You can be withanybody that you want.So why do you choose tothink that to live there,to be that person?That's the big question.Let's let's invite other peopleto join the conversation.Who who's got an opinionor thought on this?And let's open it up.I'm a guy who decided to moveto the UK, originally Greek,so I had thisobservation that you had.And because I think Ican attest this a lotto the power of the individualand the power of societyin and the difference theyhave in the US and the UK.Back in greece, the stateisn't really strong,it's not reallysupportive, and I'vecome to realize it's prettymuch the same in the US.So strength of theindividual abilityto overcome in a sense,self self-empowermentis really importantbecause that's the only wayto move forward.While in the UK and a lotof advanced countries,there's this network ofsupport from the state,from the government, fromthe local communities.There's much lessindividualism involved.And I find that the contrastis that sometimes if you speakabout yourself too much,you're not showing gratitudeto that, to that safety netthat's still there for you.And that's a cultural thing.I found moving here.I decided to moveaway and come hereand that was I agree withyou completely that youcan live anywhere you wantand ascribe to the cultureyou enjoy the most.But it's just anobservation that I haveseen between Greece and the UK.Ok?anybody else?Could I add something to that?I'm very English.I live in Scotland.And this is reallyinteresting to hearas a sort of beingin it, being here.My whole life.I'm quite unaware ofthe culture that I'vebeen embedded in that'sprobably got generationsworth of momentumcarried with it.But also the co-chairof the familythat I've been brought up in aswell, and so I feel like I'vegot quite a lot to undo.So you're talkingabout self awareness.Yes, I'm aware that Ineed to be self aware,but that's a real,a real task to do.And so much so living here.I think there areless people thatthink this way havea mindset like this,which is why I'm really enjoyingbeing a part of this community.This is the first time I've beenon this call in the Pro group,and I've followed you for years.Hi, Demetrius.Yeah, so, Chris, first ofall, welcome to the groupand Thanks for speaking up.And I think forsome people, I wouldconsider myself quite lucky.And I don't have a lot of myparent's voice inside my headand for whatever reason,the voices I heard,I chose to listen tosome and ignore others.And I think.I think it's justcircumstance, excuse me.I think it'scircumstantial for mein that my parentswere busy workingmost of the time, all the time.There was a culture gapbetween American cultureand Vietnamese culture,so they couldn't evenknow how to relate to me.There was thisrebellious part of me,this trying to find my ownidentity within a strange landand a strange people.So I was just tryingto figure out,and I always thought ofmyself as a blank slatethat I can choose theparts that are great,that are traditional,that our family valuesand the things that webrought to this country.And then the new things thatI entered into this world.So I'm kind of a personin between two culturesand two countries thatafforded me just a blank slate,and I'm able to think aboutthese things with less effort.So now for some of you whoare multigenerational, kind ofsteeped in the culture.There is a lot ofunpacking that hasto happen to start to questiona little bit about why youbelieve what you believeand if what you believeis actually good or bad for you.And I get into like prettystrong debates and argumentswith people when I'mtraveling abroad, especiallyeven at home, about this idea ofarrogance and belief and self.And I think in thatspectrum that scale,if you will, if you go fromone end of the scale, whichis self-loathing, where youhate everything about yourselfand you're ready to jump offa bridge to self loving whereit's like, oh, the worldis just all about youand it becomesnarcissistic, there'sa lot of shades in between.And if I had to pick foreach and every single personhere, if we had to erron one side or the other,I would rather have you erron the side of narcissismand self-love than to throwyourself off a bridge.The self-loathingnothing about me is good.I can contributenothing to this worldbecause that's ahorrible existence.At least one.You're happy you mightannoy everybody around you,but at least you are happy.And that's really importantbecause your life is justtoo short.So let's become more self-awareto say that the thoughtsthat we have in ourhead that governour actions and our emotions,that we have a choice.And what we can be is aTraffic Director that'sstanding at the intersection.So when an emotion or athought or belief comes at you,you get to direct it toone of two paths the path.No one says this hurts me, Idirect it outside of my brain.This helps me.This makes me stronger.This gives me courage.This makes me filledwith joy and purposeand meaning directedinto the green lane.And so be that Traffic Director.Something comes at you andsays you're not good enough.Well, that doesn't soundlike it's going to help me.I don't want to feel that.I don't want to think thatpush it to the other sideand just keep pushingthem to make roomfor the positive thoughtsthat build you up.And this is a veryimportant step,something that if you'vegone to therapy before,they do make you realize thatthe voice inside your headis actually not your own.It's been constructed,it's been planted,you've been brainwashed, notthrough some evil intention,necessarily been brainwashed.Yes, you have.I like to say itlike that, actually.Well, I know youdo, but I think Ineed to pull this back becausethings that you're getting,you're getting into somewords that don't necessarilyalign with each other.So you're getting intothe idea of self-lovealigned with narcissism.And those are twovery different thingsbecause narcissism sucksenergy from other peopleor self-love fills you up.Yes and it's when you lookback at what you're saying,you've got three setsof boundaries, right?So every person, there's apositive kind of boundary,right?People who are brought upin healthy, healthy homes,healthy environments, theyhave positive boundaries.So they use those for themselvesto like, protect themselves.So they can say Yesand they can say no.They know what aproblem is theirsand they know whatthey're doing, right?It's a healthy wayto give yourselfsome self respect where otherpeople and this kind of bridgesinto what you're talking about,people who don't have that,they either have tokind of boundaries.So they have a collapsedboundary, rightabout somebody whosays Yes at everything,even if they can't fulfill it,right chameleons themselvesto relationshipsand clients, theydon't have a balance of power.So people who havecollapsed boundaries,they give everythingto other peoplewhere people with rigidboundaries shut themselves off.Right and findingout what's going to.You can't just fillthat hole, right?You have to figure out why.Why do you have acollapsed boundary?Why do you please people?Or why do you shutyourself away, right?Like, you can lookat them like two eggsand the eggs should belined up side by side.But if the eggs are smashingthemselves together,they're going to break, right?And so your self-loveis not necessarilytrying to figure outthe hole by figuring outwhy you have theseboundaries and figuring out,like, why do I?Why do I?Why do I adapt to peopleor why do I shut them off,or why do I do this?Why do I expect reciprocity,but I won't give it right?Those thingsfiguring that out isgoing to allow you todevelop those boundariesand allow you toconcentrate on yourself.Right before everythingfor self-love,we have to work ondeveloping healthy boundariesfor ourselves because that'swhat allows us to directthat energy to ourselves.Right?does that make sense?It does, to a degree.Now, I would love to get moreactionable on this, actually.So let's keeptalking about this.And you're right,and I don't meanto conflate all these things.But when I talk to people,this is how they see it.They see that ifyou're confident.That that's thesame as self-love,that same as narcissism, thatsame as arrogance, and it'sobviously not, but theyall grouped that together.And I'm saying even if that werethe ultimate horrible outcome,I would rather you go there.That's that's myposition, and I thinkI have to be so clearabout this because.And we should talk aboutit more because obviously Ihave not written a talkhere to prepare for this.I'm just speaking frommy heart right now and.That I have to be able tohelp people who are on sofar on the otherside of the spectrumthat they can't even acknowledgegood things about them,that when we do theexercise of right thingsthat are good aboutyou, they're stuck.Like, that's how bad it is.So how do we self-loathing?Yes self-loathing, for sure.Yeah and how do we establishthese healthy boundaries?Maybe you can speak tothis a little bit moreabout what's helpedyou and how thiscould be applicable topeople versus like thisis the idea now.Help us scaffold towards that.How do we do it?It's working on yourself, right?It's taking the timeand understandingthat it's not going to justautomatically build up, right?There's a process.It's every single timeyou go in and take a lookat why you have a boundarythat crushes in on itselfor why do I procrastinate?Or why do I people pleasewrite that you're nevergoing to be able to find a fixfor that in a month or a week?Well, let's talkabout that then.Let's talk aboutthe very simple onethat I think everybodycan relate to,which is why do I feel like Ihave to please other people?Almost by our profession.But you have toplease other people,clients gave youmoney to do somethingthat you hope that they'll like.It could be a logo,it could be a website,it can be a presentation design.And when they don't like it,how do you feel about yourself?Well, I think thatthat's a different partof pleasing other people.I think there's doing goodwork because you want to.And this is sort ofthe difference, right?There's doing good workbecause you're proud of itand you want to havea business and you'rereally confident inyour abilities, right?And you want other peopleto benefit from that.You want to have a good life.There's peoplepleasing where it'sI'm going to say Yes toeverything that people ask me,because the only way thatI'm going to feel wholeis if other people thinkthat I'm a nice personor I can do everythingright, I can't show weakness.So I'm not goingto say no, right.If I say no, they'regoing to leave,I'm never going tohave a client again.All these thingscome into your mindwhich crushes the boundary.And you say Yes to 20different things in a week.And then at the end of theday, you've done seven thingsand disappointed 13 peopleversus you've done 10 things,and all of them are good.How do we get into the habitof saying no without it feelinglike we're doing something bad?Determine if I could.Yeah, please.OK, so this mightbe a little bitof an oversharer on my part,but I feel I'm among friends.And early in my20s, I was diagnosedwith borderlinepersonality disorder, whichhas a lot of featuresof fear of abandonment,not having a very clearsense of identity.So I was like aprofessional people pleaser.And what I foundwas through yearsof work in dialecticalbehavioral therapy,I've cultivated so muchself-love that I just genuinelydon't give a shit if peopledon't like me because it'slike it comes froma place of, I mean,and there's fourseparate sessions.There's emotion, emotionalregulation, distress tolerance,mindfulness andinterpersonal effectiveness.So once you've gottento that point of,you know, mastering allthese elements of beingpresent in themoment, loving whoyou are despite yourfaults or your flawsand just realizing thatyou're growing person,and I kind of think aboutwhat Alan Watts says,like, I'm a bigfan of Alan watts,and Alan Watts saysthat every human beinghas both a light and darkside of their nature.You know, lightness anddarkness are two sidesof the same cosmic coin.So it's, you know,when we have these,when we have troublesaying no, it'simportant to realizelike just because youneed to prioritize yourselfdoesn't make you selfishand it is OK to be selfish.Sometimes it's OK to be angry.It's OK to feel doubt.That's just the darkerside of your nature,and you shouldn't shun it.You should acceptit from being therein processes that makes sense.Mm-hmm mm-hmm.Yeah, I wanted I wantedto chime in a little bit.I think that a bigthing is being OKwith feeling reallygood about yourself.I think that we.My name is Anthonycoffee, by the way.Guys, I'm this my firsttime on the protocol.I think that inour culture, we'reso fearful of being narcissistsor being seen as narcissistthat we totally avoidfeeling good about ourselvesor talking to ourselves,but really good,positive self-talk.So I think it's partly justbeing OK with loving ourselveslike that much wherewe feel really, reallygood about ourselves.It almost feels like societytells us not to feel like that.Yeah, so we're in awe instead ofpleasing ourselves or pleasingeveryone else.Anthony, whereare you from then?I'm in Austin, Texas.Do you love yourself?Oh Yeah.I would consider myselflike, almost like growing up.I've always been like, really?I always felt like Iwas almost a narcissist,because that'show everyone else.So much, don't you?You're a narcissist.I know, Chris, that you canprobably relate to that.But again, I've always feltlike a really lovey dovey kindof person.Like, I love my friendsand I love my familyand I give a lot of love out.So I don't think thatI'm a narcissist,but I know how bad ass I amand I and I know that I'm greatand I don't thinkthat we should beashamed of feeling like that.But I also have a little bitof shame for those feelings.So even though I knowI should love myself,I almost feel like Ilove myself too muchjust because I see everyoneelse hating themselves.So I'm like, what'swrong with me?Why do I want for myself.So much?Is there something like, maybeI do love myself too much,but I don't think.I do I think that it'sabsolutely essentialto operate and on a day to daybasis to love myself like this.Anthony, I want to lean inon this for a little bitand I want to give everybodyelse who wants to talk on this.We don't have to talk about anyother topic for the remainingwhatever time we have left.OK, Anthony from Austin.Like, how did youdevelop this self-love?I'm curious.And where did this come from?Can we retrace your steps?And maybe if I canuncover it in you,we can all come uponthis epiphany here.Well, I think it has a lotto do like our upbringing.I grew up with a mom thatwas like super supportive.I grew up in a householdlike a lot of loveand a lot of support.So I think thatreally helps whenyou have a mom that'sjust like, hell, yeah, youcan be anything you want.You can definitely do that.You're great at that.You're just constantly fillingyou up with that kind of stuff,never telling you those thingslike my dad would be like,oh, I'm not sure iflike, that's a good idea.You know, like dad wouldbring me back to your reality,but mom would always belike, you can do anything,you can achieve anything.And now I know thatmy mom was justtelling me that I can beanything and do anything.Now I have a little bit moreunderstanding of what's realand what's just likepositive encouragement.But I'm super gratefulthat I grew upwith that kind of encouragement.And now when shetries to talk me up,I'm kind of like,OK, mom, yeah, Iknow you think I'mreally awesome.But when I was a kid,when I was a kid,that really helped memold into who I am today,just being super confident andreally loving myself and beingOK with who I am.Yeah moms arereally good at that.Grandmas are especiallygood at that, too.Yeah, definitely.Most grandmas.OK awesome.Thanks for sharing.Who else wants to talk on this?I got I got something.I get this sometimes a lot too.Mixing my confidence with ego.But again, I try to.Sometimes I guess I maypresent it as you go,but it's confidencein what I do.And I think where it comesfrom, some of it is from faith,and some of it is really tryingto learn about who you are.So a lot of times whenyou don't spend enoughtime to know what your strengthsare, what your weaknesses areand to really behonest with yourself.The key thing is beinghonest with yourself,sometimes we try to hide ourweaknesses with confidence,bragging and all that stuff.But when you reallystop and really definewhat your weaknesses are andthen say, OK, you know what?I am weak here and Igot to get better at it.That gives you a lot moreconfidence because now peoplecan't come and just label you,you're this and you're that.No, it helps build you.And then the part from faithI look at is this like,I believe in God and Ibelieve God is perfect.And he created me.So when I think of, Icompare myself like,that's like an interestingway to look at it.But when you take your favoritebrand, Mercedes, apple,whatever it is, you haveconfidence in that productbecause thatmanufacturer is trustedand they produce quality.Not, I think of yourself.You're a product ofgod, and he created you.Like, do you not haveconfidence in yourself?The perfect somethingperfect created you.So I look at itthat way, and thatgives me a lot of confidence.And then when you look at whatGod says about each person,he's given each person a set oftools for their specific path.Where we make mistake iswhen we confuse our pathwith someone else'spath and then tryto look at our toolsof what we haveand compare it to their tools.And then we feel likewe're missing something.A quick analogy to kind ofsee that very clearly is let'stake like ahandicapped person whosits on a wheelchairversus a big bodybuilder,and we say, which oneis that a disadvantage?The real clear way to kindof figure that out is youhave to know what eachone's what the goal is.If you're saying thegoal is to say to come upwith a new formulafor a math formulaand the handicappedperson is a genius in mathand the bodybuildernever, ever touched math,then the bodybuilderis at a disadvantage.But the goal was to liftas much weight as possible.Then the handicapped personis at a disadvantage.So I think when youreally know who you areand what your missionand your purpose in lifeis, that will give youa lot of confidencebecause now you startto focus on who you areand your strengths versuswhat others are doingand what you're lacking.OK, cool.Thank you.Anybody else?Yeah, I got something to say.Oh, can you hear mebecause my running offlike my internet, my phone in?I hear you.All right, cool.So I want to prefacethis by saying,like, obviously, Idon't know anything.I'm just some dude, right?But I've thoughtabout this a lot,and this is what I wantto base my brand on.Like my brand, I want to.I want to call itsort of it echo,which means only what's done.Now, the reasonI want to call itthat, is because I feel likewe all just adjust in lifeaccording to whateverlife brings us.We're all just learningbeings like, Logan said.And as we live inthis life, we justadjust to what life brings.Like, life presents.That's how evolutionoccurs, right?So the weather ischanging, and there'sa lot of extremitiesin the weather,and the people inthose environmentsare going to haveto make changes.The animals inthose environmentsare going to haveto make changes.The fauna is goingto have to do whenit needs to do inorder to surviveand people are going to adjust.And we're going to have toaccept those experiences.And then keep going from that.So when we think about like,why we struggle in one directionor why we're reallygood in other things,in other directions, weall have our own abilitiesand disabilities.But I think the real challengeis going out into societyand saying, how do we allactually work together and justunderstand one anotherand actually just acceptone another forour own challenges,but also still try to improveso that we are creatinga space where we're allactually getting to wherewe want to be as individuals.So instead of like because Ifeel like if we're constantlythinking about beating ourselvesup over like what we do wrongor constantly praising ourselvesfor what we do right, thenwe are just reinforcing the sameperson and the same beliefs.And we actually don'tgrow in either directionor we don't growas a human beingbecause we're justreinforcing the same idea.Whereas if we just keepchallenging ourselvesand meeting new people andpresenting new thoughts and weadjust to one another.But at the sametime, still hold onto our own valuesand the things thatreally are important to us.I think that's when weevolve as human beings.And then if we evolvetogether, then weend up creating a space that'smutually beneficial for.For all of us participating in.Yeah no, they'rejust my thoughts.I don't know if that thought.I appreciateeverything about that,except for thebeginning part, whichis, I don't know, nothing.Let's just edit that part out.Just say it in your mind, ifthat's what you want to say.It's totally OK for you to speakand want a great space for youto feel comfortable with who youare and what you want to say.All right.So I want to put a pointon this a little bit here.Of course, I saythings that are maybe,maybe how humans say,maybe a little uninformed,to be honest.And I don't want tooffend anybody here,but I do want to say thatthis is how I feel about it.And if it helps you, great, ifit doesn't just empty the trashand just move on.OK I do want to say something.If you have a hard timelearning to appreciateyour gifts and your concernthat by appreciating whatit is that you're good atthat you start to creepinto this egomaniac, thisnarcissistic point ofview where you consumeall the energy around you.I just want you totry this exercise.We've talked about thisbefore in the group,but just today atthe end of each day,write down the answerto this question.There are two promptsI'm going to give you.What did you do well today?What did you do?Well, today?Just reflect back on theday, and it's importantthat you do thison a daily basisuntil you get used to thisidea, what did you do?Well, today the second prompt isthis what could you do better?This isn't a signfault. This isn'tabout being living the worldor looking at the worldthrough rose coloredglasses, saying I'm great,everything you know, there'snothing I can improve upon.But it also doesn't stabyou when you trip and fall.So what did you do well today?All right.On every little thingjust showing up.Take credit for that.Give me your best effort.Even if the resultsdidn't work out.Take credit for that.Being kind to somebody,take credit for thatbecause it takes effortand these are all choicesthat you make.And then what couldyou do better?OK, well, I didn't getthe result that I wantedor I lost my tempersomewhere, so Ineed to be more mindful ofthat and just write that.And hopefully aftersome time, youwon't have to write it anymore.And you'll be doing thison an autonomic levelas you're experiencing life.That's the point inwhich I've come to.So I don't have to do thedaily reflections anymorebecause I've built up thatmuscle memory to exercisethis thought, ok?What did you do?Well, today, whatcould you do better?No blaming.And we're not being delusional.If you misspoke, ifyou cut somebody off.Maybe I can work on that.And that's it.And I also thinkAnthony said somethingthat I thought was reallygood and that we haveto feel like it's OK,that it's actually good,that it feels good andit's OK to feel this way,to love yourself,to kind of build upthat positive self-talk.Now, Anthony had avery loving environmentin which his mom createdthis voice in his head,and now he can seeit for what it is.But those are goodtraining wheels.Not all of us arethat fortunate.So now we have to dothis for ourselves.The other thing that I liketo do, it's helpful for me,is a projection exercise, whichis to think, would I take this?If it were being said tomy brother, to my sister,to my mom, my dad,to my best friend.And if you wouldn'taccept it for them,why would you accept itfor yourself to startto separate that internalnegative self-talk and say,that's not my true voice andstart to separate that outfrom who you are and makea different decision?Ok?all right.If anybody has anotherfinal thought on thisand they want to addsomething to this discussion,please if you have a toolthat's work for you, if you'veuncovered somethingor book or reference,either put it in thecomments in the chat or sayit now and/or we'll move on.OK One thing I did want tospeak to about what Alexwas mentioning about that growthand then trying to interactwith other people and whatnot.One thing I started tokind of adopt and realizeis that there's justsome people thatdon't want to build and learnit, how here in this community,we are kind of somehow preachingto the choir of that opennessand willingness toexpand and grow.This is an educational platform.We're all creative individuals.We're all inherently empathetic.So that willingness to considerboth sides of the spectrumor both sides of the argument,we're more predisposed tothat than other individuals wemight encounter in our life.And as such,sometimes recognizingyou're not actually goingto like, make a differenceand being able to walkaway is not easy to do.And it's somethingI struggle with,especially when itcomes to those closeto me and in the familyand in the tribe.You know, it's like they say,you can't teach an old dognew tricks.I don't I hate that concept.And I hate to subscribe to that.But there are some peoplethat are so well duginto this conceptthat just tryingto alter that is going to takesomething profound to whatyou're unlikely to beable to manufacturewithout like actualmanufacturers that opposedto it happening on its own.Mm-hmm That would be willingto learn if they're actuallygoing to, you'reactually going to beable to speak to them, right?I come from a similar spacelike my parents are from Mexico,right?And I'm from the United States.So they refused to assimilateand didn't really learnthe language.And so they are very notinvolved with society.It's always been a very homecentered lifestyle for myself.And so dealing withtheir way of thinkingand having to accept theirway of thinking alwayshas been a challenge for me.However, in order forme, for my own health,in order for myown improvement to.Start like, you know,becoming in order for meto become the person Ineed it to be or wantto be joining agroup like this thathas allowed me to be moreextroverted than, you know,and I'm still indoors, right?But I actually went out intosociety like my society.But there's a workshop herein Las Vegas called workshopdone workshop downtown, whichis an excellent brand that'sestablishing rootshere in Las Vegas.And they're just getting abunch of creative people workingtogether.You know, and I think thatallowing myself to participatein that kind of spaceinstead of just staying homeor instead of just beingsuper family orientedand accepting that, OK, thoseare my parents, you know,that's my family.But in order for me to be ahealthier person, I need to.I want to assimilate and becomemore involved in my communityor are just moreconnected to peopleoutside of that kind ofcircle, because that circle isreinforcing an old wayof thinking of mindthat I no longer wantto identify with.And I want to moveinto this spacewhere I'm identifyingwith this new personthat I know I canbecome that I know I am.I just need to exercisemore and continuereinforcing that as I understandwhere you're coming from.Yeah, that beingsurrounded by a tribeof like minded individualshas the abilityto foster growth asopposed to being connectedand only surrounded by thepeople that have been thereforever and may be biasedbecause they've known youyour entire life, right?So they've got a whole lotmore wealth of informationand see you through thatlike old version of lenses.They see the Alexlike 1.0 that they'veseen since, ever and ever.And you've migrated beyond thatand subjugating or otherwisesubjecting yourself to thatcriticism you've receivedor histrionic lessonsthat you'll find parentshave a habit ofdropping in on you.And things likethe phrase the bestindicator of futureperformance is past performanceis so crushing andself-deprecating,it suggests that there'sno possibility of change.It's something mydad often brings up.And although it's a greatexample in a narrow view,it can be to suggest that yes,a Leopard can't change spots.But you put that a Leopardin a different forestand I guarantee you that littlefucker is going to eat, ok?He's going to findsomething to eat.Maybe not his usual foodfare, but at the same time,he's going to learn howto adapt and survive.And in one or two generations,you will have a new animal.He's still going tohave spots, but I'mpretty sure he'san apex predatorand he's going todo rather well.Ok?OK, I'll cut you off.I got to cut you offbecause otherwise we'rehear you talk the whole time.I want to make sure everybodyknows who Philip is.He's our official, unofficial,welcome bandwagon person,and he's going to greet you atthe door with a virtual Applepie and welcome tothe neighborhood.So there's a bunch of peoplewho are joining this group, someof you for the veryfirst time, and itmakes me happy to see you here.So if you have questionsabout how the group works,Philip is your guyand reach out to him,and he's been verygracious with his time.So be mindful of thatand not to abuse that,and he'll show you the ropes.OK, so he's the guy youneed to get to know,and some people have beenmentioning this in the chat.I think it's Paul, anda bunch of other peopleseem to hold up this book.It's probably like areally great investment,and it's only I got this bookfor $10.33 at a used bookstore,and I've been startingto teach from this.Those guys I went to myworkshop are aware of this,and I'm going to do a better jobof just rereading it and tryingto distill everythingthat I thoughtwas useful in this book to helpyou guys along this journey.I want to say that thegroup that we createdwas intentionally designed tocreate this safe space for youguys, explore for usto share information.We thought nobody wouldwant to hear or support.And as far as I can tell,nobody has been maliciousin tearing anybody down.So I think this is the mostsafe entrepreneurial groupthat I know of.And you can feelfree to be yourselfto expose all thevulnerable, ugly partsthat you may not evenlike about yourselfand find that it's avery nurturing group.OK that's not to say thatwe won't call you outon certain things to makeyou accountable to yourself,but not in a mean malicious,selfish, envious or jealousway.OK, let's move on to thenext topic, you guys.Next topic, I just go ahead.Yeah, I just want to chime in.I'm doing this exercise,the inner criticjust before youtold about the book.And it has beenhelping me a lot.I criticize myfinal product a lot.I don't hate my process.I love my process to the core.I'm very particular about it.But when the end product isnot what I like it to be,I criticize myselffor weeks unendingly.But this book is helpingto just so those shopowners that I have within me.And by the way, Gandhi, you.Beautiful, thank you very much.And part of this and the way itmanifests itself, is what left,I think posted, Ithink it's theft,and he said that I have 100subscribers to my YouTubechannel or 1,000or whatever he saidis that instead ofcomparing myselfto other, morepopular youtubers,I realize I have 100more subscribers than Iused to have.And that's exactlythe lens in whichyou need to look atwhen you go to compare.Don't compare yourself to whatothers are doing the future.You compare yourselfto the old and say,look, I made a lot of progress,man, and I'm on my way.