Letting Go Of Familiarity

How do I get over my desireto want to do production?Work but, you know,production work.I suppose it makes me feelgood that I'm doing something.That I know I'm good at.OK, you're good at production.Why are you good at production?I know the tool.OK, so that'sfamiliarity, familiarity.Yeah what else?I have deep expertise insome of the tools that I use.OK anything else?I suppose it's a safe spot.So why is it safe?I already know the answers,by the way, when I askedyou all these questions, guys.I just want tolet you guys know.I'll share with youguys a little bit.OK, we'll do thematamata in a little bit.Why does it feel safe?Well are you confidentin the results?Yeah, Secretary told you,I knew the answer, right?OK help me out.I'd like to see people squirm.I can tell well,because sometimes theysay things that surprise you.And I don't want to Robyou of the surprise.So you're confidentresults, then onecould assume over here,you're not so confidentbecause it's new, right?Definitely areyou a good dancer?HMM, maybe, maybe, OK,I'm a terrible dancer.I don't know how to dance.So let's just say you andI went dancing one day.You're like, let'salso, Chris, I'mlike, ooh, let's also Idon't know how to do that.Would it be unrealistic for meto step into the salsa floorand just masterit the first time?A pretty unrealisticit's pretty unrealistic,so I'm going to feel reallyawkward and uncomfortable.Yeah and why am I feelingawkward and uncomfortable?Do you know?It's new, it's unfamiliar.doesn't look likea professional.OK OK, so this is me.Right, I'm split in half, right?And there's this ideathat I'm really good.That's a halo.OK, then there's thisother idea that the realityis I'm just really bad at it.That's my devil's pitchfork.And there's a conflictbetween these two halves.I desire to be good.I imagined myself to bereally good at all things.The reality is, I'mreally bad at it.So you go into it with someexpectations and expectations,is the root of your unhappiness.What if I just wentdancing with youand just assumed I'm going tobe bad and let's just have fun?Then you would find empowering.It could be fun.Yeah, hopefully if myobjective and my objective,so my objective,my expectations.Is to show off.Right and to be really good.Or my expectation isjust to have a good time.And hang with friends.One has conflict.When I think I'm going to showoff and show you guys god,Chris, it's pretty amazing.Look at his moveslike a hip thrust.He's got this.Even like a dance is amazing.His talents are unlimited.I'm going to showoff how good I am.But if I redefined myobjective or my expectations,I just want to have a funtime hanging out with Mayor.There's no conflict there.There is no good and bad.My objective by showing up.I'm done because I just wantto spend time with my friends.So you default to productionbecause it's familiar,you know, that you're goingto get certain results,you feel productive becausethat's how you define it.Well, what if strategypresented itselfto be different thing that youdon't have to be good at it?What if doing strategyyou really findis just to be helpful?Or a chance to serve.As a total noob.Is that ok?Definitely because literallythe first time I did strategy,I told my clients who alreadypaid me, who already booked me.Everything was done fora very different job.I said, hey, I justlearned this thing.It's fantastic.I think I couldhelp you with thisand you're willingto do dance with me.Like, yeah, do it.I'm not even in charge.Extra money.This is not a ploy toget more money from you.And we did it and messed upand didn't do it smoothly.They asked me questions Ididn't have answers for.But I told them why.And I'm just here to help,and I've learned new thingsand I want to beable to give more.With no expectations on my part.And that was the firsttime I did strategy.And the results arethe oldest case study.Literally the first time.I think it's also the onlytime I ever did it for free.So you default back tothe things that, you know,because it's comfortableand doing anything new.Almost all new thingsare uncomfortable.Do you like sushi?Love sushi.What about the first time?I know it was prettynasty and horrible.Same here.So you fish.I could barelystomach it, right?Yeah, it was new.It was uncomfortable.Why did you?Why did you not give up?My older brother was there.He took me for sushi when Iwas, I guess, 14 or something.I don't know, right?But why did you not give up?Why did you stick to it?And like, how do you go fromgross to like, I love it.I don't know it just somewhereduring that first meal,it suddenly became tasty.Oh, in one mealyou're able to adjust.Yeah, that's fascinating.Yeah do not take meone meal to adjust.I went from this.That's like the tonguesticking out, right?Yeah and it took a while.All new thingstake a little whileunless you're someamazing chameleonand you can justadapt really fast.I went from I can't eat my food.I'm about to throw up.I'll go with a California roll.One little pieceof tuna, please.Now I'm just eating whatever.It's an adjustment period,so if you go into it,I'm going to hatethis is horribleor I have to love it instantly.Well, guess what?What happens?Your expectationschange everything.So I think the route to a lotof unhappiness is expectations.And attachment.If we can do lessof these two, we'regoing to be a lot happier.OK yeah, that's great.So, you know, everythingnew is going to take time.Who's got to follow up on this?Anybody?well, I do, by the way,most of the time whenyou are learningsomething new, you alreadyhave an expertexpectation of it.Yes so you say when you don'thave expectations, the way wedo now, we will be happier.But yes, we also liketo learn new things.So how can you learn newthings without expectations?Oh, fantastic.OK, let's pick somethingthat you would like to learn.That's new.Let's work on somethingthat you're familiar with.I'll give you an example.Who's who's speaking?Because I can'tsee you right now.Who's this gentleman?Kenzo OK, so what's somethingnew that you want to learn?And let's focuson that strategy.I'm already learning aboutit right now, but I don't.Yeah, I'm learning it rightnow, I'm not complaining,I'm like, you'relearning a lot right nowand what are your expectations?That I can help my clients more.And I can chargemore for my work.Yeah that I willhave better insights.OK, so I'll write thesethings down, so, kansa,you're going to be ableto help clients, right?Yeah, and you're going tobe able to charge more.You can have better insights.Mm-hmm What else didyou say anything else?I didn't say anythingelse, but maybe Ican with even more than right?That's fine.Maybe you'll be more valuable.Yeah, for sure.OK these are outcomesof learning, right?Yeah, true.I'm not even sure thatthese are expectations.Why wouldn't they be?Well, when you do itfor the first time,what is yourexpectation of yourself?To get all thesethings, I think,or don't you mean it like that?No, I don't mean it like that.Like, how do youjudge yourself whenyou do it for the first time?What are your expectationsin the very first timethat you would beperfect at all of this?Not perfect, but at leastbetter than what I was?Oh, fantastic.That's and that's avery healthy attitude.You know, OK, so beforeyou learn how to do this,you're one kind of person andif you learn how to do this.Can't you?It's impossible for you notto be a little bit betterthan you were before.Mm-hmm yeah, for sure.But that's the alsocomes with expectations,I think, because I expectto be better than I was.OK well, I think that'sa reasonable expectation.Then you're justtalking about growth.You expect to grow and Iexpect to grow every day.And it's not a I'm not talkingabout the kind of expectation.I think the kind ofexpectation I'm talking aboutis that you'll be perfect.Ok?and idea of perfect atanywhere short or perfect.You're unhappy.your expectation is I'm goingto learned something new.I'm going to help my clientsa little bit more than Icould yesterday.You know, so thisis just redefiningour objective, right, yourobjective and your outcomethere.They're very, very reasonable.Now if you say I expectto have insights thatare going to help my clientsout, a million will shoot,that's a different kind ofexpectation I'm talking about.Sure OK, great.Yes like, if yougo on a vacationand you expect the weather tobe perfect to meet a reallyhandsome or beautifulperson and that you'regoing to have the most amazingromantic dinner date ever.Well, shoot, it's goingto be hard to live upto those expectations.Yeah, it's going to be acertification, I think.I think so.It's almost kind ofimpossible at this point now.But if you're like, I justI've never been to this city.It's always a placeI've ever wanted to be,and I hope to meetsome new people.But at least I havesome time to think.So different.True so I thinkmaybe we just needto redefine what ourexpectations are sothat there's noway you can lose.Yeah OK, so go ahead.Sorry you're goingto say something.No, no, I let's go.OK fantastic.So I'm I desire tobe a public speaker.And then it's time for meto go and stand on stage.Right and then I want tobe the best public speaker.I want to be charming.I want to be funny.I want to say pithy things.I want to change people's lives.I want to be celebrated.I want to be invited back.I want to be paid to speak.Now Holy cow.How can I go on stage now?Mm-hmm and that'swhat I was thinking.I'm shaking in my boots.Oh, ho, ho, ho.What if I get stuck?But if I forget whatI'm going to say?I used to have nightmares aboutthis days leading up to a talk.because you were tryingto be perfect already.I was just trying to be amazing.Right? and I'll give you someadvice that a friend of minetold me recently.He said, every timewe come on stage,we want to reach forthe top shelf stuffthe very best thatwe have to offer.Mm-hmm and we reached and it'sa reach because it's very high.We stress out and we strainour arm and we strain our mind.We strain our every beliefsystem when in fact, peopleare going to be blown away,but a middle shelf stuff.The stuff, you know, howto do every single day,just like walking.They're going to beblown away just by that,so Chris, don't reach sohigh, I'm easy for you to say,I want to reach really high.Same as me.Yeah, right?But then what happens iswe get really nervous.We beat ourselves up.We try and we come on stageand our anxiety, our stress.The conflict between theperfect us and the realus is at war on stage,and people sensethat here's the funny thing.Oh, sitting in the crowdat one of these big talks,I think this is in Geneva,I heard somebody say, well,that person is a goodspeaker, I'm just listening,I'm leaning.I wonder what they're saying.They said.They're just taking theirtime to explain things,and they're not nervous,and it makes me not nervousbecause the other ones feltlike they were nervous.And then I was like feelingwith stress and anxiety.I'm like, oh, this is areally good insight here.See what happens?Yes of you wanting to bebetter makes you less goodand the audience feelsit, and then, ooh, it'sreally uncomfortable.It's like a train wreckhappening on stage and gosh,I wish they would just beOK with beating themselves.yeah, that's the key.