Scared Of Success Managing Emotions

It's really hard to explain,but it's like I have all these,you know, aspirations andgoals written out a chunk,some of them down, but itjust seems like there'ssomething inside of me.Sometimes I was reallythinking about this last nightbecause I commented first, soI knew that you were probablygoing to answer this question.I got up real quick and combmy hair and got in the seat.But I don't know.I think I was reallythinking about it,and I think what it is I maybe scared of, of succeeding.And I don't know.I've just sent out I justsent out so many proposalsI've had in the last month.I've had like five or sixreally great proposals out wherethe client was like, yes, wewant to do it, we will sign itand we will haveit to you tomorrow.And I'm like, awesome.And then someone else comesand I literally hear nothing.A week will go by andthey'll call me back like,Oh yeah, it's comein and I'm like,OK, and then now they'relike, they're disappearing.So I got really excited.My expectations were very high.and it was very it wasjust really let me down.Over and over again.And I guess thisis just how it is.It can be.Yeah, yeah, it's really astrange and frustrating.And Yeah.Let's talk about acouple of these things.OK, let's address this.The easiest one forme to talk aboutis when you send outa proposal and youthink it's all good thatit's going to come inand you're already thinkingabout how to spend the money.That's one of the things Iwant to caution you about.That's why I say, like, I don'tcelebrate into not only doI get a signed purchase order.Not only until I get the check,but when the check clearsand there's 50% in my bankaccount, then I'm like, OK,it's real.Yep, and then I just continueon about my business.And Ben burns and I were talkingabout something yesterday,and I'm going to sharethis story with you,and I think you mightlearn something from this.This is a broaderthing for you guysabout expectations and managingthose expectations, ok?There is an emotionalguy, he's a big guy,and he gets he getscaught up in things.And part of that, I think,is because he cares.A part of it is, I thinkit's because it's egothat when thingsdon't go right, hefeels bad that he's played somerole in the negative outcome.Then here I am, Mr Spock.I'm coming in Super cold, soI'm going to give you an examplehere, and this needs tostay within this group,so I'll be posting a soundbite from this one webinar.OK we are talking to a verywell-known and respectedinstructor about doinga class with this,but we couldn't come to termson the percentage in which we'regoing to pay this person.And as typicallywhat happens is thenis the chief operatingofficer of our company.He deals with all theminutia of the client,details the contracts andall that kind of stuff.So I've found theinstructor thenfound the sponsor andsomewhere in between.We're going tomake a new course.The last little hurdle toget over is to negotiate.The percentage of Royaltyfor this instructor,so Ben gets on the phone.And then as soon as he'sdone talking the phone,he comes into my room.It's like, Oh mygod, Chris, I thinkI insulted the instructorbecause we are miles apartfrom the percentage thatwe're prepared to pay himand the percentage thathe wants or miles apart.Additionally, on top of that,he was very polite about it.He had said to Ben,look, are you an owneror a partner of the company?Ben said, no.He goes, well, frankly,I'm a little insultedthat this conversation ishappening between Chris and I.So Ben was then insultedone more time, like he's notworthy of being spoken to,but that this whole pursuitwas worthless.And it didn'tresult in anything.So he shared that with me.And I said, OK, fine.It wasn't meant to be.We can't make this deal happen.I go into the weekendthinking for sure, for sure.I'm going to getan email from this.Teacher saying thathe was insulted.Pretty much ripping meapart to say whatever it is,so I'm just waiting forthat email to happen.The weekend goes by.Nothing hits my inbox.And then yesterday, I thinkyesterday was Tuesday.I get a message from thisinstructor saying, hey,here's what I thought.He goes down this litanyof things that he thoughtdidn't make sense at all.Of course, his emailwas very cordial,but you can tell that there's avery strong opinion behind allthese things.He's like, typically,this shouldhave been a conversationbetween you,and I am disappointed thatit wasn't the percentagesthat we're talking about.Don't even work.I'm a well known person.This is what I get paid.This doesn't makefinancial sense to me.Of course, I sharedthis with Ben,and Ben is like, wow, ooh,I guess he took it harderthan I even thought, he says.I said, OK.Check this out.I'm going to respond to this.Now here's what I'm doing,I'm fighting all the emotions,I'm fighting all the potentialthings that I'm feeling,whether I'm being insulted, ordisrespected or whatever it is.I'm trying to letall that go and Itry to respond in the most coldand objective way that I can.So I right back.I'm going to get into theconcepts of how I wrote itback, but I sent that emailand I basically tried my bestto address every concern.I first apologize.I said, you know, I apologize.I can see now that youwere insulted by this.I did not mean to offendor disrespect you,but Ben pretty muchruns the company for mebecause I'm offdoing lots of things.Everything will fallthrough the cracksif he doesn't take care of it.And they just godown the list, ok?At the very end, I said tohim, I do think unfortunately,we are miles apart.But if there's room forcompromise and if you're open,please let me know.It's done.Emails sent out.A couple of hours later,a new email pops in.And he says, Chris,help me understandthis deal a little bit better.Let me see what thenumbers are like.I respond one more time, sowithin 2 and 1/2 emails to him,the deal is now closed forthe percentages that we want.We made a little compromise.He made a lot of compromiseand we're moving forward.So Ben comes into myroom and he says, Chris.I there's a lot tolearn from this.This whole thing here.How what's going onin your mind whenyou're writing these emails?And explain to him thenall I care about right nowis getting the job done.We have an instructor,we have a sponsor,we have a class thatI think is going to bereally good for our community.If we lose him, I don't haveanother instructor as muchas I'd like to try, Idon't have one right now.Another one will appear, butright now this is the person.So I just want toget the job doneif it means swallowinga little pride,if it means swallowinga little ego.And look, I can'tbelieve he saidthat I'm willing to do that.And I said to him looking rightinto his eyes, I said thisand I said.If you want to be inthis game for as longas I've been inhere, you're goingto have to deal with much,much, much worse than this.This was a walk in the park.I've had clients ravinglunatics go bananas.And in my mind, I just let thatstuff wash away that anger.Those words thatperson is choosinghas nothing to do with meand everything with them.I'm just looking at it.Like, I got to getthis thing done.I'm going to try toremain objective.I'm not going to set myselfup for any kind of abuse,mental or otherwise.But we can get this thing done.So I told them in this case,we literally are not literally,figuratively pulled victoryfrom the jaws of defeat.Because you and I aregoing to sit aroundfor the next 2 and1/2 months tryingto find another instructor.We got the deal that we wanted.He's happy, I'm happy.That's a double, thank you.What we had to do was toget rid of our expectations,to remain neutral andobjective and think about whatis it that I want to achieve.So this is a long way of tellingyou a story here, Michael.So when you get wordsfrom your clientlike, yeah, this isamazing, we can't waitto do this project with you.You smile.You thank them.And you say, I'mlooking forward to it.You send out thenecessary documentsand then you don't eventhink about it anymore.You just let it go.Every couple of weeks, youput a notification in justto follow up with them, andso you go and cast a new line.You're not going tosit there and bangon this opportunity happening.However, I do want to suggestthat you do something.Try to Jonathan stark technique.Try to ask them, why not?Why can't this wait?What can we just sit on thisfor six months, nine months?And if everythingis working out fine,you may find out that younever need to do this.Let them convince you how urgentit is, how pressing the matteris and how important andvital it is to their business,to their conversion or towhatever else or this event.The deadline'scoming fast upon us.And we have to get thisthing done for the videoor whatever it isthat you make, right?Don't get all caught up inthe fact that they said,yeah, we love you.Those are just words.