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98% of Personal Branding Experts are Wrong!
Chris Do argues that 98% of personal branding is a lie and that true brand building starts with radical self-discovery, not marketing tactics.
Chris Do
Founder, The Futur™ · October 31, 2024
The Church of Personal Branding Is Selling You a Lie
There is a new church in town, and its pews are filled with entrepreneurs, creators, and professionals praying for relevance. This is the Church of Personal Branding, and it preaches a gospel of funnels, follower counts, and carefully manipulated positioning. Its high priests are the gurus selling courses on how to leverage your story and monetize your personality.
The vast majority of them are praying to a false god.
Chris Do, founder of The Futur, is here to commit blasphemy. “Everything that you were taught about personal branding is wrong and untrue,” he declares. “I am the blasphemer, the one who was excised from the church.”
In an industry obsessed with crafting the perfect persona, Do argues that the entire premise is flawed. The endless stream of content designed as thinly disguised advertisements, the posing next to celebrities for borrowed authority, the carefully curated signals of success, it all misses the point. It’s lipstick on a pig, an old package of marketing tactics relabeled with a trendy term.
“I think they know nothing about personal branding,” Do says, firing his first shot. “How can you go around telling people who you are and you've got a strong personal brand when you don't know who you are?”
This is the central heresy. The gurus are teaching you to build a house with no foundation. They are giving you a script without helping you find your voice. Do believes personal branding is not a strategy to get more clients; it is a process of discovering who you are, healing from trauma, and getting in touch with your authentic self. To pursue it for any other reason is to chase a ghost.
“I think 98% of creators that you see on the internet are all fake,” Do states bluntly. “They're all building a lie. They've lied to themselves, they've lied to you, and you're bought into it.”
The Encounter That Changed Everything
The year was 2014. Do, already an industry veteran with two Emmy awards and a successful agency to his name, was teaching at his alma mater, ArtCenter College of Design. He was a respected professor, his work published internationally. By all external measures, he had made it.
But a casual conversation in an auditorium exposed a gap he didn’t know existed.
A student turned to him, speaking about a designer named Aaron Draplin. When Do admitted he didn’t know the name, the student was aghast. “Come on, stop fronting,” she said. “Everybody knows who Aaron is.”
The student’s indignation was a lightning bolt. It wasn’t just admiration; it was a fierce loyalty, a sense of belonging to a tribe. It was the kind of passionate fandom that Do, for all his awards and accolades, had never inspired. His recognition was for the work, the agency, the results. It was never for him, the person.
That moment triggered a deep curiosity. “It's like a scene from ‘When Harry Met Sally’,” Do recalls. “I'll have what she's having... I want to do what he's doing so that people are talking in the theater saying, ‘You don't know Chris Do? You should be ashamed of yourself.’”
He went home and began to study Aaron Draplin, a designer who had exploded onto the scene, in part due to a popular 2013 TEDxPortland talk. Draplin was a force of nature, a stark contrast to the snobby, proper designers who typically graced industry stages.
He would walk out and declare, “My name is Aaron James Draplin... I'm doing everything I can do to make it in the little leagues of graphic design.” He talked about his Detroit roots, his family’s terry cloth shirts, his “negative vertical leap,” and his love for his chihuahua, Gary. He wore a trucker cap and an unwashed jean jacket to what he called “formal events.”
He proudly stated, “I've never won an award. Look it up. Never tried. No professional accolades. Google that shit. Good luck.”
Draplin integrated his entire being into his work. His folksy, Midwestern, no-BS persona was not a brand he constructed; it was who he was. And the design community loved him for it.
The Draplin-Sagmeister Paradox
To understand the power of Draplin’s approach, Do created a study comparing him with another design titan: Stefan Sagmeister. If Draplin was a folk hero, Sagmeister was design royalty. Both had immensely powerful personal brands, yet they could not be more different.
This became The Draplin-Sagmeister Paradox: two wildly divergent paths to the same outcome of a potent, authentic personal brand.
The contrast is a masterclass in authenticity:
- Origin & Persona: Draplin is the salt-of-the-earth guy from the Midwest. Sagmeister is the sophisticated, worldly Austrian intellectual based in New York.
- Aesthetics: Draplin’s work is rooted in Americana, junking, and bold, clean lines. Sagmeister is a conceptual artist whose work is exhibited in museums and often involves deep philosophical or personal exploration, famously carving typography into his own skin for an AIGA poster.
- Travel: Sagmeister is a citizen of the world. In one of Draplin's presentations, he quipped, “My friends are saving to go to India. It sounds incredible, but I go to Indiana.”
- Attitude Towards Animals: Draplin showed a photo of himself sharing an ice cream cone with his beloved chihuahua, Gary. Sagmeister, after being terrorized by stray dogs while traveling in Asia, created a t-shirt that read, “So many dogs, so few recipes.” Both were funny, but from polar opposite perspectives.
- Relationship with the Industry: Draplin boasted about never winning an award and having only one employee: himself. Sagmeister has won virtually every major design award, written multiple books, and is a sought-after speaker at prestigious global conferences.
Both designers had massive followings. Both were an undeniable force. The lesson was clear: there is no single right way to have a personal brand. The only requirement is that it is an honest reflection of who you are. Draplin's F-bombs and trucker hats were as valid as Sagmeister's philosophical musings and museum exhibitions.
“They had both powerful personal brands,” Do explains. “We knew who they were. We knew what they stood for. We knew what they stood against. And it was very clear to me they're probably not sharing the same fan base, but they're both powerful people.” This realization is a cornerstone of what Do teaches about building an authentic brand over networking.
The Inner Work: Your Brand Is Built in Therapy, Not a Boardroom
The discovery of Draplin and Sagmeister provided the external models, but Do’s philosophy is rooted in something much deeper: his own journey of intense personal development. His definition of personal branding as self-discovery is not a theoretical concept; it's a lived experience.
This work stands on three pillars.
First was his 13-year relationship with business coach Keir McLaren. “I learned a lot about business,” Do admits, “but the things that I usually don't talk about are what he taught me about how to be a man, how to be a father, and how to be a husband and a good boss.”
Second, when struggling with raising his two young boys, he sought help from a family therapist, Joan Lightfoot. His traditional Asian upbringing, where he witnessed corporal punishment in his extended family, had left him with a fear of repeating that cycle. “I was having violent thoughts with my own children,” he confesses. “I didn't like where that was going.”
Those ten sessions with Lightfoot were transformative. He calls it a “masterclass probably worth two years of personal development or maybe a master's degree in psychology.” He not only received tactical advice on parenting but also got to observe a master communicator at work, an experience that informs how he now approaches everything from sales to self-reflection.
The third pillar was a Philosophy 101 class at De Anza College, taken in the semester before he started at ArtCenter. It gave him the tools and language to think critically about the world and his place in it.
These experiences cemented his belief that you cannot build a public persona on an unstable private foundation. The work of branding is the work of healing. It’s confronting the unresolved childhood trauma, the insecurities, and the pain that make you react inauthentically. This inner excavation is a theme Do returns to often, such as in his discussions on overcoming imposter syndrome.
“You see children who are trapped in adult bodies who've never had the kind of emotional healing that they need,” Do observes. “So many people want to crawl out of their skin... they want to peel off that layer of flesh and say, ‘It is so gross, I'm so disgusted by myself.’”
The irony is that the ugliness isn't the problem. The pretense is.
“The part that drives me away is not the ugliness that drives me away, because I think we're all ugly in a way,” he clarifies. “What really kills me is them pretending that no one can see it and trying to fool me.”
Vulnerability Is Not a Gimmick
In many online circles, especially within marketing communities, “vulnerability” has become the latest buzzword. But it’s often wielded as just another tactic, a performative display of struggle designed to elicit sympathy and engagement.
Do is quick to call this out. He references a creator who lamented that showing up vulnerably was “weaponized against her” and didn't move her business forward.
“Wrong. Wrong already,” Do says. The problem was her motivation. “What this person did was show up and present their vulnerability as a means to get more of an audience.”
He calls this “pity porn,” and it’s a dead end. It’s asking your audience, “Poor me, I've struggled so much in my life, don't you feel so bad for me?”
This is not true vulnerability. It is manipulation.
Authentic vulnerability is sharing your story after you’ve done the work. It comes from a place of acceptance and growth, not from a need for validation. It’s about owning every part of your story, the good and the bad, the triumphs and the embarrassments.
Do lives this principle. He talks openly about growing up poor, about battling his own temper, and about his shortcomings as a father and husband. He doesn’t do it for pity. He does it because it’s all part of who he is.
“I've accepted that I have certain shortcomings,” he explains. “I've healed from it, and more importantly, I've grown from it. I've understood why these things that are so ugly that most people don't like have made me who I am.” This approach to honest self-representation is critical for anyone trying to build content people actually react to.
This is the same principle embodied by both Draplin and comedian Hasan Minhaj, who, in his special Homecoming King, wove his brown, immigrant, Muslim-American identity into his comedy, embracing every part of his culture. When you fully lean into your ethnicity, your culture, and your idiosyncratic nature, you become magnetic.
The person who “tried” vulnerability and gave up failed to understand this. Do says, “Vulnerability is not a thing you try. It's either you're vulnerable or you're not.”
The Price of Being Yourself
The inevitable objection arises: “Chris, you can afford to be abrasive and opinionated. You're financially secure. You have the awards. What about the rest of us who are still trying to make it?”
Do dismisses this as a fundamental misunderstanding of cause and effect. He cites the legendary designer Carlos Segura, known for his attitudinal, no-nonsense client contract. When asked about it, Segura’s response was simple: “I am Carlos Segura because of that letter. I didn't write the letter because I'm Carlos Segura.”
Authenticity is the cause, not the effect, of success.
Do recounts a conversation with a dear friend and colleague, Patrida Ranataas. After a fiery exchange on Clubhouse, she gently told him, “Chris, I think people misunderstand you. You can come across as a little abrasive... more people would love you if you just learn to edit that part.”
His response was definitive. “Patrida, they did not misunderstand me. I am abrasive. I am opinionated... I am exactly who I am. They got me just right.”
He rejects the game played in academia and corporate culture, where acceptance is currency. For him, impact matters more than pleasantries. “I want to go for impact, not for feelings.”
To build a real personal brand, you must be willing to alienate people. When you reveal your true self, with all your sharp edges and unpopular opinions, some people will not like it. They will leave. And that is a good thing.
Let them go.
The goal is not to be liked by everyone. The goal is to be loved by the right people for who you truly are. As Do often quotes, echoing Kurt Cobain, “I'd rather be hated for the person I am than to be loved for the person that I'm not.”
Stop Performing and Start Being
We have a finite life. Every day, the clock ticks closer to the end. The most urgent question you can ask yourself is: at what point will you show up as the person you were meant to be?
Psychologist Abraham Maslow placed self-actualization, the realization of one's full potential, at the pinnacle of his hierarchy of needs. Yet most people remain trapped at the bottom, consumed by the need for safety, belonging, and approval.
Stop trying to get more clients with your personal brand. Stop using a Trojan Horse of “value” to hide your sales pitch. Stop chasing the trappings of success, the props and personas, thinking they will fill the bottomless pit of insecurity.
The work is internal. It happens with coaches and therapists. It happens in quiet moments of reflection. It happens when you finally decide to stop hiding from yourself.
The path is not easy. When you begin to show up as your authentic self, the world will judge you. You will face criticism. But you will also find your people, the ones who see you, accept you, and champion you not despite your flaws, but because of them.
“I'm not trying to put myself in a messiah complex,” Do concludes. “I'm just saying I'm the anti-church.”
The choice is yours. You can remain a parishioner in the Church of Personal Branding, dutifully following a doctrine that promises success but delivers only a hollow facade. Or you can become a blasphemer, tear down the false idols, and begin the sacred, difficult work of becoming yourself.
TRANSCRIPT
people feel the need to put on a certain Persona to be accepted to be liked to be respected and admired and I'm just sick of it how can you go around telling people who you are and you've got a strong personal brand when you don't know who you are I think they know
nothing about personal branding cuz who the hell are you you some kind of compliment ho you turning tricks on the street to get a compliment that's what you become F you I just want you to praise me wrong wrong already my grandmother is deeply religious Catholic woman she's the kind of woman who
would call you on a Sunday night and say I didn't see you at church so I grew up in the Catholic church I went to Bible school so father forgive me for what I'm about to do I'm going to talk about the church not the church that you're thinking of the Church of
personal branding and how the vast majority of folks Usher and pray to a false god and there's an idol here and and to talk about personal branding and ways of how to increase sales and marketing and funnels and leveraging position and manipul a it's just the the new it term that people apply
to an old package and I'm here as the blasphemer the one who was excised from the church to tell you everything that you were taught about personal branding is wrong and untrue you can think of me as the anti Chris all right I'm excited in this conversation and I just want to jump
right in and I'm going to quote you word for word cuz I prepped for this interview with talks of you saying this on the record and I know sometimes on phone calls you'll be like wait I said that you have been saying that that the the the thesis of personal branding is self-discovering
and I quote you personal branding for me is a process of discovering who you are and getting in touch with that and healing from trauma that we don't even understand we have Str huh I said that hold on yeah you said that that's what I'm saying you said that you better show me
that where we got that from set your sour okay it sounds pretty good go on so for you it's clearly not a strategy just to get more clients expand your marketing but a deeper process of self-discovery I want to know from you your personal experience how did you come to this realization you
personally Kristof I don't think we should pursue personal branding if you believe in the thesis to get clients at all this is the wrong thing to do and it kind of ties closely to my perspective on why we post content on social media almost everybody that I know posts content on social media
as a thinly disguised advertisement for their business for their services and products and it it just kind of makes us all cringe like why are you posting that and and even if you lead with 80% value and at that last little 20% you kind of ask me for something you kind of burn
all the Goodwill so I'm really a big believer or proponent for this generosity kind of marketing where you just give lots and lots of value and when you're ready to ask just ask you don't have to worry about hiding in something we don't have to use this Trojan Horse concept okay now getting
back to my whole belief about self-discovering why this is such an important thing for all of us to do and and where I began with this I don't know if you know this Mo but I've worked with a business coach a professional development person named Kier McLaren for over 13 years I learned
a lot about business but the things that I usually don't talk about or what he taught me about how to be a man how to be a father and how to be a husband and a good boss and a good communicator and I'm the I guess the result I've reaped the rewards of
his many years of teaching and on top of that a couple of years into our business coaching relationship I asked him for a family therapist I was going through some some challenges with raising my two young boys they were kind of acting up and I had these dark thoughts in my mind like
I'm not a good father I'm not cut up for this what did I do what did I where did we go wrong and I was raised in a traditional Asian family that when you stepped out of line you're going to get whacked you're going to get whacked on the side of your head
with a newspaper with a coat hanger now I just want to clear the record here my dad and mom have never hit me they've never laid hands on me but I've witnessed some violence in the extended family I'm like they're all Cut From the Same Cloth I saw some of my uncles beat
their kids I was like wow this is rough and I definitely had a healthy and real fear that this was going to happen to me when we think about that I was having violent Thoughts with my own children thinking you know what you want to step out of line I'm trying everything to
be a better father and I didn't like where that was going I could see the path forward where I was building tension inside of myself that I think was going to spill over to my relationship with my wife and I wanted to seek help right away so I went to see a family
therapist on the recommendation of my business coach Kier McLaren and her name was Joan Lightfoot and I I think we met all of 10 times but what she taught me in terms of how to be a better father and just understand complex social dynamics I think was a master class probably worth two
years of personal development or maybe a master's degree in Psychology because not only was I getting help with very clear tactical Direction on what I needed to do the way to phrase it and how to do that I got to see a master at work a person who's a master at their craft
working on me so I was a observing our conversation I was in it but I was also observing her talking to me and my reaction or response to what she was saying and a lot of the things I use in sales and negotiations and how I look at myself and think about the
world come from those sessions so those are two parts and the third part is After High School I got into art center but I had to delay it by one semester because when I got accepted there was only a week to prepare and so I spent that semester taking a philosophy class it
was just an intro to philosophy philosophy 101 at deanza College was taught by a brilliant Professor he wrote the book that we read and he just helped me to understand and think about things in ways I didn't have tools or or language to describe so for you though yeah when what do you
feel like in that journey in that period of you know you went to the family therapist beforehand in college there was philosophy is there a specific catalystic point for you that was like as it pertains to personal branding you're like oh this is it I'm at Art Center it is 2014 I'm sitting
in I believe the LA Times Auditorium which is the smaller of the two venues and somebody sitting in front of me a student and at that time I was like already teaching they turned around like oh you're one of the professors here I'm like oh yeah yeah and they were they were talking
about some designer and his name was Aaron something I'm like and they're like do you know who he is I said no and she was flabbergast and she's like come on stop fronting everybody knows who Aaron is and I think later on I went home and did a Google search on it his
name is Aaron drain is who she was talking about he had just burst on the scene I think it was this year that he did a TED Talk in Portland everybody got to know who Aaron drain is and he's a like a Phenom he's a force of nature a man who's Super Creative
but a person who's really good at building his personal brand and so being the curious person I am I started looking him up started to to read and kind of study like his history his work history I would watch his Ted Talk over and over again and I started to see patterns he
was doing something radically different that a lot of people don't do he steps on stage and he goes my name is Aaron James drain I think at that time he's like I'm 42 years old I don't remember how old he was I'm doing everything I can do to make it in the little
leagues and graphic design and in that opening moment you learn everything you need to learn about the guy he talks about where he's from from the Midwest from Detroit and he talks about his family and terry cloth shirts and his negative vertical leap and his love for snowboarding and and and graphic design
and his family and his pet dog Gary Chihuahua he just he talks about himself and integrates his whole life his whole being into the work that he does and it was so refreshing because designers are very kind of very snoody they're very proper especially the ones that speak on stages and he goes
I've never had a won an award look it up never tried no professional accolades Google that [ __ ] good luck I've never won an award I've never tried for an award door stops there's exactly one employee it's me and I don't get I don't have to wear pants at work and people
laughed and I was like this is really good now I know what we're thinking we're imagining this very big man he's a big guy wearing his underwear working right and we're like that's pretty cool but what he was talking about he wears shorts all the time he doesn't wear pants he wears shorts
but the it's kind of a this misleading statement but that's really fun this kind of clever hook that he's been able to develop and he had a beautiful way of phrasing ideas and integrating his family stories into the work that he did and how he spoke and he was just bomb faring it
was kind of a carpet bomb style presentation couple hundred slides and just going through and telling little stories and jokes and and funny quips and it just really worked and the design Community loved him for it so he's embracing all this kind of Midwestern come up like salt of the earth kind of
personality why was that impactful to you though when you heard it experienced it it wasn't at first no not at all because I didn't know who the guy was I might have heard his name here and there but you know I think all designers go through an arc in their life at first
we can't escape all of our heroes when we're studying we're looking at all the Masters the ones who get all the accolades in the award books I knew them all by name I knew the work they did what year what award they want how many different annuals and you get heavily influenced by
that that's totally fine and my work started to look like their work but as I got out of school I started doing my own work I started to look less and less at other people's work because I was more interested in finding my own voice so at this point 1995 to 2014 we're
talking about I'm like 19 years in my business right I'm not looking at the work the way I used to I remember all the the Legends and the icons in in cinematography pH photography illustration and design but now it's like this is that new crop I'm not really following them and all of
a sudden I'm made aware of this and what really impacted me was how this young student talked about him and this is like a scene from how Harry Met Sally I'll have what she's having yes yes yes I'll have what she's having right right right right it's like I want to do what
he's doing so that people are talking in the theater saying you don't know Chris do you should be ashamed of yourself stop fronting everybody knows him and I was looking into the socials I was looking every little thing I could find out about this guy and I started to learn some things and
I think it was six or seven years ago that I did a presentation to our future Pro Community about two people in the design community that have equally really strong personal Brands but could not be more different I was doing a comparison between Aaron drin and Stefon sagmeister one is Austrian very proper
designer once work exhibited museums has written many books is super smart a brilliant conceptual thinker and designer and has his whole perspective on design and we would say like he's part of that Elite design class and then you have drain not wearing pants washed the 501 jean jacket with his truck ucker cap
coming on stage kind of unshaven with his beard it's like this big man the five of Wands you know and he talks in this way that is kind of like a folk hero so I I'll share the contrast between the two cuz I remembered from the presentation he had this image he goes
this is my attack dog Gary and he shows this Chihuahua and he's like you know what I love this dog but he doesn't say I love this dog he's like I guess what's good for his mouth is good for my mouth and they were both eating ice cream the same ice cream Mo
then there were Stefan S master who while traveling throughout Asia was terrorized by stray dogs he was being attacked by dogs so he decided to make a piece out of this during one of his sabatical and he said so many dogs so few recipes right so you were talking about two very different
perspectives and he was saying you know what I hate you you stray dogs because they terrorized him and I can imagine like context matters here okay everybody and so he decided to make a funny t-shirts like so many dogs so few recipes cuz he's going to get his revenge and everybody laughed right
he's the guy who travels and thinks about the world and how it impacts him he allows it to influence his design thinking here's another contrast Stefan sagmeister has been all over the world he's an international citizen a citizen of the world Aaron drapin in his one of his slides he goes my friends
are saving to go to India it sounds incredible but I go to Indiana right so you couldn't be more different one's very worldly one probably hasn't left the United States one wants to travel from you know Podunk town to Podunk town giving small talks in an orange van driving himself everywhere selling merch
doing junking you know deep diving that kind of stuff into archival things very much in love with Americana agrarian culture the other one is like exhibiting museums judging award shows has won all the awards one probably claims I've never won an award never tried haven't written a book yet that's what he said
during that talk droing F bombs and then you have this very poised speaker talking about deep ideas and observations about art history and philosophy but they had both powerful personal Brands we knew who they were we knew what they stood for we knew what they stood against and it was very clear to
me they're probably not sharing the same fan base but they're both powerful people and at that time they were the monsters on social media on Instagram probably 100,000 plus and there I am with my measly 15,000 followers thinking how does one attain that kind of height of stardom of a fandom so for
you it was really finding out the hip student that you were teaching and You' accomplished a lot already in your career at that point yeah like you're teaching you're you're literally like the agency is running Awards have been won why was the spark of a young person being so interested in a designer
so impactful to you and I'm not I don't want to put words in your mouth but was it I know it's not an ego thing for you but like why were you so fascinated by the fact that this student was like oh my God Aaron drain is that did you want that reverence
is that did you want that same thing or was it a self-study to get better at design and branding I'm curious I'm going to keep picking at that you keep picking in as much as you want I'm a person who's really driven by my curiosity I've done well in life by following my
curiosity wherever it leads I go to the nth degree and I tell people they surface swimmers I'm a dolphin I'm a deep diver I'm going to go to the bottom of the ocean and like what's down there what what do I need to know about this thing and so it was nothing more
than curiosity because here's a name I've not heard before and the impact that kind of I don't know if it's reverence that she was like indignant that I didn't even know who he was like she was on this team that everybody should be a part of I'm like this is fascinating phenomenon of
like modern culture now I grew up in the time of Markle Chase Kyle Cooper Saul bass David Carson it would feel an auditorium but their reach was limited because of social media hadn't been invented at that time right so it was a thing like oh my gosh this person's here on campus and
it's standing room only and it's like this hush reverence and I was like okay that's cool you got to do good work you pay your dues you climb this this silly little social ladder and you're going to get there I knew that game was not for me because I was really interested in
talking to people I'm super shy and socially awkward and I had done good work we had W Awards I mean I judge shows I'm in books I'm published internationally interviewed by folks but that was for the work not for me it was almost always for the work right oh Chris doe and blind
team does X Y and Z for XY client achieve certain results cool it was always result and work driven and you'll start to understand how this starts to inform my perspective and for context everybody at this time and you you might see some of the statues behind me I've won the Emmy already
in fact our agency has won two emms a bunch of cleos addes BDA Awards Telly Awards just so so many awards the awards were like what what's the point now we can just apply and we'll just get an award because our work was really good and then I got invited to judge shows
now so I'm not just the guy who submits the work I'm the person on the other side deciding and so this whole person and the way that they looked at this design celebrity fascinated me I'm like what did one person do so that they have this kind of impact on her it's mostly
curiosity I'm not looking for anyone to to rever me I don't want to be put on that kind of status and in fact a couple years into my journey of making content people started to introduce me as a design celebrity and it made me feel really uncomfortable I'm like I am not designed
celebrity I don't even know that such a thing exists I saw a big gap like a Chasm or a km like so far apart like the Grand Canyon between who I thought was a designed celebrity people who have stored careers who've been doing this for 10 20 30 years who who do the
work that we all wish we had done who came with ideas that we wish we came up with and I I save a few of those people and when you get to meet them you're like okay I'm standing at the foot of a master but those people were terrible usually at public speaking
they're not good teachers they they had a PR machine behind them probably they submitted for a lot of awards but we really didn't know anything about them and now this is a whole new generation a whole new crop of people and it starts me to to go down this path where I believe
now everyone can manufacture their own Fame it's brilliant that an artist said this that Andy Warhol said in the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes the question is when is your 15 minutes and actually how long do you want to live in that 15 minutes of fame this is pre social
media of course and now you my and me and everyone else who's listening or watching this can manufacture your own Fame and the reason why I say that is because it used to be PR people agents producers Talent people the people at the networks at broadcast networks on Radio Networks that decided if
you are deserving of being featured and spotlighted and for them they had limited shelf space for for for Content because the magazine only has so many pages TV time only has so much space there were way more people who wanted to be featured in magazines and on newspapers and TV and radio than
what they can have shelf space for and it's not even I don't even know about the agenda but it's just we understand the math if 10,000 people want to get in where you have three slots there's a pecking order here and now it gets into the social game and we know this too
if you ever watch a news program they almost always call the same few expert commentators because once you get somebody who's good who's good on camera who's available who has an opinion who's articulate why would you find three more people like that only if number one isn't available then you go to number
two and so there are natural Gatekeepers and reasons why you and I didn't have a shot before but now because there is this direct to audience factor that exists on social media we can talk about whatever we want and if what we talk about moves people like moves people here moves people in
their heart and in their mind then they're going to follow us and we have direct access to them and then the media companies pick them up that's the crazy part you follow these people and then you're like whoa this person's on Fox News I I was introduced to him on freaking Tik Tok
or Instagram it's like well because you're going to bring your viewership to the media now too it's almost like you're the one who's in power you said you would always do it for the work not for me and that you literally said that and I find that interesting that when the student brought
up Aaron drain's name that's what provoked your curiosity this person wasn't just bringing up Aaron drain because of his work this person was bringing Aaron drain up because Aaron drain made them feel something because the way I understood I'm not putting words in your mouth he was vulnerable enough to Bear himself what
is the challenge that people have for breaking those barriers showing up and owning the fact that they only we 501s owning the fact that they're not that they're not published cuz I feel like everyone wants to put on the front what are the barriers and then what specific steps does someone need to
take to embrace that are you asking me like why people are so afraid of revealing themselves when you and I talk and I and I'll digress here the answer is the simple answer is yes but the people that you're now mentioning and just the way as someone who creates content for clients constantly
the way I see social moving is people gravitate to the soul of the creator I firmly believe that that is my thesis I could give you the best viral content and if it just Falls flat and it feels like it's a talking head it's not going to work I actually disagree with you
you say most of us fall in love with people on social because of the soul of the Creator I think that's actually very rare that people bear their soul and we're seeing it and we connect and resonate with that think about all let's just talk about guys for a second guys are attracted
to success the trappings and the symbolisms and the signals of success so if you you are a guy and you're hanging out with hot women or you drive a fancy car or you're flying in jet or helicopter living in exotic locations that is so less to me that is just like I'm I
don't know who the hell I am so I'm going to surround myself with all let's just call them props so that you can see in these props that I'm successful in somebody worth following and furthermore what we do is we leverage social proof so we know that there are a lot of folks
who don't have any Authority or credibility and they pay to go to events so they can take pictures and be next to famous people and they leverage those images in a very Hollow Way onto social it's like oh I just met my hero and so we think well what did this person do
such that they're next to somebody that I really look up to and like someone who has genuine Authority and thought leadership and so they keep doing this and so we package things up there's a whole industry that's set up that is designed for you to pay so that you can have a photo
next to someone famous somebody who is famous who's accomplished a lot understands the value of their personal brand and their image and likeness such that they'll say if you pay me 200 Grand I'll show up to your event I'll take pictures with whoever you want then that person sells each one of their
tickets at 10 grand and then takes on some risk but then this is what they do they're in a nice location you take a photograph and that's what they're trading on nothing to do with the soul there and if we say like if we zoom out how many people that are famous do
you really know their soul let's take another person for example the biggest Creator on YouTube is none other than Jimmy Mr Beast we know a person personality we know our persona but I don't know who Jimmy is because he doesn't ever talk about it and now it's come to light there's some sketchy
things going on with him allegedly and I don't really know all that stuff but all of a sudden people are like a little bit shocked like I'm not shocked I don't know anything about him he makes entertaining videos mostly for younger audiences to watch that are very like endorphin hooking he understands all
the hooks how to how to set up the thumbnail and to do mini Cliffhangers and to build a crescendo and have outrageous big responses to things and he keeps doing that he's very successful at that I'm not talking about that I'm talking about the soul the Creator and if you go down the
list of people that you follow tell me how many people you think of that list that you're attracted to their soul I think we say that but we really don't mean that that's my counterargument what do you think no that's a good counterargument for me outside of taking it literally the soul of
the Creator I feel like there needs to be a position not I feel like I I believe that creators that work the best particularly on social whether it's a facade that they're portraying or whether it's their truth have a level of conviction around what it is that they're doing for example there is
this um Creator who would always talk about relationship advice and he was very very very popular in his community the people that loved him primarily the people that loved him were women because the way he was talking was very empathetic very vulnerable in touch with his feelings and and he would kind of
champion women in relationships this guy I don't remember the guy's name but like this guy C it comes out like three four years into his journey that he cheated on his lady I know who you're talking about you know what I'm talking about and he got fing blasted and then the tables turned
but when he was doing it it was very believable now one might argue that he's a con artist even after he cheated on his significant other he continued to make the same content he still has an audience they still comment it's very interesting to me nonetheless my argument is there has to be
whether it's your actual Soul whe there has to be something behind what you're saying you cannot just be the person reading something you have to to a to a degree believe whether in the facade You're Building or in the truth that you're conveying here's your headline for the title I think 98% of
creators that you see on the internet are all fake they're all fake they're all building a lie they've lied to themselves they've lied to you and you're bought into it you're getting so old no I follow some people that I feel are very genuine and sometimes I'm like uh are you just feeding
me a line so I can buy your product cuz there's a CTA in this video hey Chris here if you're enjoying this video and you're like who the hell is this Asian guy it means cuz you're not subscribed yet you've been watching but it's harmless it's free and would mean everything to me
that would motivate me to make even more content just like this just for people like you go ahead do it right now pause the video Hit subscribe back to the show well every time there's a CTA you have to ask yourself is this real yeah you have to ask yourself I'm not saying
98% of people are fake but 98% of the people online are completely fake and I'll tell you what's happening when we're building our companies we like to edit for sensationalism or for convenience of knowing who they are there are certain health and fitness gurus who purportedly sold their companies for a certain dollar
amount but they didn't actually sell their company for that amount they sold it for a portion of that amount therefore valuating it at a certain price and then they just claim that's what I sold it for and if you actually read their own story told by themselves at the end of the book
you'll see that they didn't actually sell it for that amount but who really cares because that number sounds really sexy and you know what I always think every Creator that's out there is one or two bad PR Pieces away from going to jail for lying for fraud or being sued in court it's
because people feel the need to put on a certain Persona to be accepted to be liked to be respect respected and admired and I'm just sick of it with some apologies in advance cuz I'm firing some shots and there's more in the chamber here and I'll just tell you right now I see
lots of people either posting content on social or speaking on stages writing books on this thing about personal branding I think they know nothing about personal branding personal branding has become a cultural Zite guys it's become like a word lightning rod that if you use all of a sudden everything you say has
more gravity toss CU it's very attractive to everybody few of us can build a brand all of us have a personal brand so they're using this new label to put lipstick on a pig they're teaching you about how to do marketing funnels sales strategies on how to position things in a marketing sense
and I say it's all hogwash cuz who the hell are you you're just packaging things up call it packaging I'm okay with that in the Church of personal branding I am the blasphemer I am the Antichrist because I don't believe in any of this stuff because how can you go around telling people
who you are and you've got a strong personal brand when you don't know who you are and you don't know what makes you you that you still have unresolved childhood trauma that you're reacting and responding to things in a way to to mask your insecurities and and the hurt that you felt and
I I feel bad for you so I almost look at it like this you know bullies are not very confident people they always say bullies are very confident they're not at all they're insecure broken human beings and the way they heal themselves is to put other people down so anytime you're around people
who unnecessarily put other people down and cast judgment on them they are one really broken person most people get pissed off when they see a bully like that I just feel really bad for them because somebody important to them somebody that they care about and look up to needs to just give them
a freaking hug and say you know what you're okay Okay I accept you you don't have to be anymore to be loved by me and you are worthy of being loved and I love you and if they did that there'd probably be less violence in the world there'd be fewer Wars and people
don't go around trying to medicate or self-medicate by having more props more Jets more bank accounts whatever it is they're trying to do because that is a bottomless pit you'll never find the bottom of that are you saying the majority of personal Brands right now are bullies no there's a difference there I'm
just saying people who put down other people are bullies now it is one thing to attack you for your thoughts and more importantly for your actions but just to look at somebody and put them down not knowing their context you know Neil shared a clip with me of a public speaker who who
just went off on the audience because somebody in the audience was on their laptop and he just like made the whole Space super uncomfortable and and I said to Neil some people take notes on their laptop how do he know he's distracted surfing the internet or sending out emails what if this person
is the most beautiful notetaker because what the person is saying on stage is so important but he just blasted him that to me as a person who has some insecurity saying I'm the most important thing in the world right now and the fact that you're not listening to me the way I want
you to listen to me making eye contact with me then you are nothing and I'm going to destroy you that's a bully to me so connect the two ideas for me when you talk about we don't really know the people online people are all using props and then you segue it into bullying
they're not the same idea no they're not I'm just saying let's recognize individual behavior and understand what's really going on the fact of the matter is that most of the people that have a large social following are still broken themselves don't know who they are haven't done the Deep inner work I'm not
saying oh that's why I say 98% there's a 2% there that I'm like you're real real and I like you and I like to hang out with you and talk to you but they're not flashy and they don't have a large social following you know because they don't do all the things that
you need to do in this kind of short attention span culture that's driven by that algorithm they just don't care you know the Dal Lama created content and S Guru created content they don't care if they have millions of followers they're probably not even doing the work themselves they just don't care they
they just are who they are and that's the thing it's like the thing that I want people to understand about personal branding is when you show up as you in all your glory the things that you're proud to tell people about your accomplishments and the the hard work or the perseverance you've had
the things you've had to overcome as a human being and you talk about things you want no one to hear about the things that you would be embarrassed that people talked about then now for the first time I think you're starting to show up as a real person and in order to do
so you you have to be willing to alienate people because when you reveal yourself people don't like it they just don't like it I think for many people listening not me cuz I do drink this Kool-Aid I've had my own challenges and actually doing it successfully having going through things myself right now
especially I want to kind of take the position because I've seen posts about this especially in the female marketing Community as well on threads and on Instagram and I'm not singling out the female marketing Community or the lady entrepreneurs but men don't really do this online so that's where I see it there
was a Creator in the digital marketing space I can't remember her name unfortunately but I'll give you the gist of the post and she was saying the opposite of what you're saying actually do not show up vulnerable anymore I've been showing up vulnerable and it's been weaponized against me and it's actually triggered
me and it's actually brought up old things for me and it had didn't really move the needle forward from a business standpoint so when I hear that I'd love to hear your take because I think to these people and you know I'm also in many entrepreneurial circles with the Rah you know machismo
men that are like personal branding money marketing all that kind of stuff yeah yeah so it's like I think you're really idealistic a little bit in those World those people would say you're idealistic are you going to make money it's not about making money I already I tried to say that and I'll
say it again so you know this person you're talking about I know I don't know who they are I don't know any of their content but I'm I'm going to make some broad statements here so you're going to have to map it against what you've heard to say no I I misspoke or
you misunderstood Chris okay so what this person did was show up and present their vulnerability as a means to get more of an audience wrong wrong already okay cuz that's like you or me saying poor me I've struggled so much in my life don't you feel so bad for me that is like
uh I hate to say it I don't there's probably a better expression it's like pity porn pity me and let's all get together and share like how the world has been so unfair to us the kind of vulnerability I'm talking about is I've accepted that I have certain shortcomings I've healed from it
and more importantly I've grown from it I've understood why these things that are so ugly that most people don't like have made me who I am like I grew up relatively poor as an immigrant until my parents worked their way up to the upper middle class and I had a strange relationship with
money and I talk about this and I talk about being bullied about being singled out and being thrown racial slurs from people who didn't know me at all because they thought it was fun I don't use it to oh won't you feel sorry for me Isn't it so pitiful that I've had to
go through this no because I've learned to lean into the things that make me different and to embrace the entire story not just the part that I think you want to hear sometimes I talk about being a good father sometimes I talk about being a bad father a good husband a bad husband
and it's because all that makes me me now we tie this back to Aaron drin he goes on stage he's a big guy you know I don't know how many pounds he is but he's between two to 300 lbs I think he's a big guy he goes on stage like I'm Aaron James
drain who who tells you their middle name nobody tells you their middle name it's kind of a weird thing right my name is Aaron James TR I'm 40 years old uh I'm from Detroit Michigan I'm doing everything I can to make it in the little leagues of Portland Oregon I don't wear pants
and I wash the jean jacket cuz it's a formal event he's telling you everything you need to know about this guy you can judge me you can hate me he talks about his love for Obama and Berney Sanders how he doesn't like Trump or Kid Rock he likes certain bands he hates other
bands and and you know he gets some booze and hisses here and there but he don't care he goes oh oh oh tough crowd huh all right all right he just Embraces it and that's what I learned and you know who else I learned this from Hassan minhaj who's been through a a
turbulent year for some of the things he's talked about that were somewhat fabricated right but what I saw when he did homecoming his his comedy special was a really beautiful thing a brown man first anchor a a comedy night show a talk show was coming out and mixing English with his native language
celebrating his whole culture and just using and just going back and forth and I think he like grew up in is it Bakersfield or something or Davis he was making jokes about Davis you know in Northern California I was like it's freaking funny he embraced all of it his identity and I just
thought that was really beautiful man now I can see the thesis which is you can do this at a national International level and I think the more we lean into our ethnicity our culture our idiosyncratic nature the more people will love us you know what and it's not even about that because we
need to love us so this person whoever she is who put this stuff out like I tried that vulnerability is not a thing you try it's either You're vulnerable or you're not so you're using it some kind of gimmick to grow your audience and when you didn't get the result that you wanted
you reverted back to what you were doing before like I am who I am all of you want to unfollow me I will miss you but I'm going to be okay cuz I want to be surrounded by more people who want to show up for me being me and there's a quote here
I think it's from Kurt Cain I'd rather be hated for the person I am than to be loved for the person that I'm not you know what's funny I feel like when me and you talk it's probably involuntarily me going to the things I enjoy talking with you about I already know their
comments are going to rail me it's like Mo you always go here with Chris but you can say that I don't give an f because my next question about this go ahead I know what you're gonna say go ahead I know what you're gonna say do it do you what do you think
I'm gonna say you're going to say you can say that because you're fine no no no no no no no no no that's not what I was going to say that's not what I was we could but what would your response be to that all right I I'll say it okay because I've
heard it before Chris you can say things like this you can say I don't give an f about what people think or say because you're financially all right you have the The credibility with the Ws and the work and people pay you lots of money so you don't care anymore what are we
supposed to do how do we get to that place and I'm going to use a line from Carlos aora cuz Carlos aora has the most brilliant business card and contract in the World from a design perspective he goes you pay me I do work you make lots of changes I'm less interested you
know he has this whole contract and it's it's very attitudal and when I ask Carlos Sor about it he goes I am Carlos Sor because I've had that I didn't write the letter because I'm Carlos Sor I am Carlos zor because of that letter so here's the thing let me take it back
to this point and I've shared the story before I'm going to share one more time my very dear friend patr ran taas who teaches that art center is a very Poise articulate woman and she's been in the educational system a professional designer for many many years right we've become friends I didn't have
the benefit of having her as an instructor but I remember in the clubhouse days probably right at the end you know I'm on a call and I'm doing my thing and I ril the room up just like how I'm riling us up right now right when you say something I don't believe I'm
like nope I don't I don't agree I'm going to disagree with you right now because I like critical conversations because you might come back and say well Chris here's the counter to your counter and I'm like oh I didn't think of it that way before my worldview has shifted a little bit thank
you but more often than not I usually destroy people and that's fine I don't I don't mean to destroy people but they don't really think about the things they think about and I do so I say whatever I'm going to say and I do it and then as always we do a little
postmortem and patruda calls me up she goes Chris what you think I to call I'm like oh was good she goes I think it was pretty good too and I could tell the hesitancy in her voice and then and she goes you know Chris I think people misunderstand you I'm like oh yeah
because you can come across it's a little abrasive and and opinionated and I think more people would love you if you just learn how to edit that part I said patrula they did not misunderstand me I am abrasive I am opinionated I'm not trying to shock people but sometimes the things I'm saying
is shocking I said I am exactly who I am they got me just right there's nothing to miscommunicate and she goes but more people would like you I'm like more people like me because I am this so in her world inside of Academia and corporate culture in professional and within schools you do
a certain thing so that you have acceptance and you have respect and then you can influence certain decision makers and that's the game that's played and you know what I think she's a very kind thoughtful intentional Communicator I didn't describe myself the same way you might but that's okay I'm just very direct
if I think something I'm going to say it I try not to hurt people but I do say things that sometimes can hurt people because I could have chosen a more genial way of saying it but I just choose not to because I want to go for impact not for feelings you know
I don't want to mind my manners so that you feel okay I just want to make sure you understand what I'm saying and I like to tell stories in very Vivid and sometimes violent ways and I'm okay with that right so there's another example there of me saying you know what people like
me or dislike me for who I am and I'm totally okay with that so naturally somebody's going to watch this if this video goes viral it reaches an an audience outside of our core audience our core audience shows up and you know this cuz you read the comments too shows up for this
person that is speaking to you right now who's passionate who's fiery who some people might think is Soulful or intelligent and there's some people are going to watch this video and say what a pompus a-hole he's completely in his own world what a nut job I'm out I'm like cool see you bro
the video that keeps giving are one viral video I got people from like High School teaching like bro what happened there I'm like how I you know we one of many conversations you should see how we talk to each other in private you know yeah so that's that's how I would respond to
that I have the privilege of experiencing you um on a personal friend level as well like phone calls and whatnot so and I think a lot of people when they experience you on for lack of a better term social or television they think that you're putting on a show and I'm not here
to defend Chris he doesn't need defending I just want to give you guys some insight he does not put on a show he is 100% the exact same way on the phone and I think Chris and I'd love your input on this what is challenging for people is that from their Paradigm and
I'm I continue to even let this go people are overly polite so when they hear you be direct AKA honest they read it as you're being impolite for example you and I were having a phone call few months back uh without disclosing all of what's going on with me personally like I just
shared with you what's going on with me personally and the way in which you took all my emotional confused jargony fluffy language and literally said it in three lines if you remember I was like dude can you text me what you just said if I didn't know you I'd be like wow that
was really inconsiderate the way you just kind of without any fluff summarized my situation but knowing you I'm like he just removed all of the BS around it gave me the most powerful point so it can resonate with me and that was a very impactful conversation for you I know you find yourself
in those moments a lot what do you tell those people who hear that and they're like oh I would never do that or I I couldn't speak that way like because it sounds like they have to combat that to get to the other side to be like a you or an Aaron drain
and have success and attract the right people I'm not saying what I'm doing is right for everybody it works for me if you want what I have if you like to achieve the things I've achieved and want to build the audience I've been able to build and you like the sauce well this
is the sauce but not everybody likes the sauce they don't like the heat they want something more mild and creamy maybe with more dairy in it and butter I'm like I don't do that but I'm telling you some version of this you can apply to your life and I have to say like
you know from the minute you were born you began to die because we all have finite life and I I just want to accept this idea that you you have this one shot this one shot so at what point if you have 100% life and every day you're ticking away at it you're
creeping towards the end end unless we get to the singularity event and you're taking towards the end like at what point do you want to show up as you fully realize as who you are when we look at maso's hierarchy of needs Abraham maslo the top of is self-actualization your full potential but
if you're staying at the bottom of like physical physiological needs and emotional needs and community and artistic expression and things of that nature well who the heck are you one of my favorite films is a six sense right Haley Jo looks in the camera looks right at Bruce Willis looks right at us
looks into her soul and he says I see dead people so I'm looking around the world I'm like I just see fake people I see children who are trapped in adult bodies who've never had the kind of emotional healing that they need I'd love to help you I'd love to show you the
way but I'm not for everyone I don't want to be and I don't and so let's let's look at it so somebody's watching us and say hey this seems really interesting this is tickling my brain it's setting my soul on fire and he's right all these people talking about branding and personal branding
they're all wrong and the church is telling you the wrong thing the Church of personal branding and here I am I'm not trying to put myself in a messiah complex I'm just saying I'm the anti-church and because the church seems to be all about getting you more clients positioning yourself so you can
charge more so it's not for everybody but why do we go to therapy why do we meditate why do we seek spiritual guidance it's so that we can feel at home and at peace with ourselves in our own skin and I think it's a beautiful thing and it's like a weird expression that
people say they're comfortable in their own skin and so many people want to crawl out of skin they want to peel off that layer of Flesh and say it is so gross I'm so disgusted by myself I can't stand it and if somebody to ever discover Who I Really Am see all the
ugliness and darkness of Me no one will want to be around me I got news for you first of all a you're not that good at hiding it cuz I can already see it and despite seeing it this is the part that's loving I accept you and you don't need to change but
I'm irritated that you keep trying to pretend that's the part that drives me away it's not the ugliness that drives me away because I think we're all ugly in a way and who the hell am I to say like my ugliness is better than your ugliness but what what really kills me is
them pretending that no one can see it and trying to fool me okay I I hope you're enjoying the conversation I'm gonna take two seconds of your time please stop right now make a comment anything that you want to put into the comment will help think about like where you want to go
where you live anything that you want to say just put it in the comments and then continue with the video cuz that's going to help us reach more people that's it back to the show do you underestimate the level of how people are different from you when it comes to how they would
react like you say this kind of stuff and I and I worry about someone who does not have the level of Tolerance who is not exposed to people like yourself who I consider safe space and they do this and they get really hurt dog because you're like I accept you the world doesn't
always accept the world judges cultures like you said at the beginning you even looking at your family they will these people will try to do this we've witnessed this we've seen them they're in our groups like and they're not surrounded by the right community and then they get hurt and then they find
themselves in a position where they're like worse off because I consider that you need to have a high level of emotional intelligence a high level of tolerance for pain to one overcome the fear of judgment but the consistent judgment the consistent lack of acceptance the ex like so talk a little bit about
that just for those that are like I want to try I want to try like what they might end up facing cuz not everybody's you like I accept you come into our kumbai Outlets like that's not that's not the real world there are pockets of people like that that's not the real world
all right so here's what I'm going to say I think you need to find somebody that your soul connects with someone that you really believe who understands what it is that you're going through someone that you look up at who think you think are steps ahead of you on that journey of self-acceptance
of self-awareness and self-love and I say you pour into them and you just drown out the noise the world conspires to tear each other apart it's kind of like we're so unhappy with our own lives that when somebody else finds inner peace success or joy we have to create a new narrative in
our mind that something is wrong with them there there's something that's suspicious because it allows us to continue living in this lie that we tell ourselves but I'm to this point I'm not saying I have some kind of like spiritual Mastery I'm not but I have enough self-love and self-acceptance that I can
see you and not say I got to tear you down what I what I'm really disturbed by is the fact that you keep pretending but I'll work with you on this so whoever it is it doesn't need to be me it doesn't need to be mo it could be anybody find somebody it
could be a sibling a parent a best friend a peer or somebody an author you meet online just try to like follow in their steps and do the best that you can and then surround yourself with people who are going to accept you or not accept you at least you know where you
stand because you know what really hurts is to think someone's really your friend and in your time of need they turn their back on you that hurts more than anything so I have active filters that I put out in ways that I can separate the wheat from the chaff so to speak so
I know who's on team do and who's never been on Team do who's just hanging around just trying to take stuff you know and when they reveal themselves to me I thank them for doing that cuz I don't want to waste more of my energy generosity and friendship on those people I'm good
with that so we spend entirely too much time worrying about the opinions of people who don't care about us and the fact is we don't even care about them because we're socialized and we're raised in societies that tell us to look externally for comfort for affirmation for markers of success when we should
have been all this time working on our own intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation like what drives us so I can't tell you how many of our friends in our direct Circle and indirect circles who are so hurt but I want to use the word hurt as some kind of self-manifested catastrophizing because what if
you just didn't read all those comments did your life change not really so we make itself important and they know that so then they can drive the rusty dagger into the open wounds because we're like I have a wound right here would you like to stab me there's an African proverb that says
something like this if there is no enemy within the enemy outside can do us no harm so what we have to do is Safeguard ourselves against the most powerful enemy and it's ourselves you said there's a wound right here so stab me I am now officially confused if I'm supposed to be vulnerable
if I'm supposed to Showcase myself to the world for to to heal and blah blah blah and all this kind of stuff are I supposed to talk about the wounds the wound that we're revealing to the world is I care about your freaking opinion my emotional wellbe rides up and down Crest and
crashes on your opinion of me I seek your validation to affm my my goodness that's the wound we like I painted a giant Target on my head and say please attack me here and when they hit us we're like why why does it hurt so much because you told them but to say
that I've done the Deep inner work I realize there's some darkness in me and some Shadow version of myself that I'm not entirely proud of but they've informed who I am once you heal from that Enemy Within that's not a wound that's a shield it's callous the scab has turned into a scar
how can you hurt me you know a lot of things about me Mo now previously you said hey I know Chris from social I've been to events I've talked to him on the phone but you forgot to mention you've been to my house you slept oh yeah in my house yeah we've gone
to locations throughout the world together we've seen each other so if at anytime I'm just show you a different version of me I hope that you would have seen it by now cuz I know you're a smart guy so it goes Way Beyond just us talking on the phone right and I don't
have time for the BS if you say something I'm like no that's that's BS Mo that's what you want in a friend by the way going back to you saying the community and that's why I I miss the clubhouse days cuz you just had to be there for the clubhouse days cuz those
4 a.m. conversations were Rowdy but you want that in a friend what I think it's hitting me right now in this moment together the reason why myself included it can be a challenge it is a challenge for this philosophy of personal branding to take place is because even amongst our circles when they
are direct with us we're upset about it I was that way with you in the beginning like do whoa and with the maturity with the relationship I'm like that's the only that's the only way I want to ride from now on from anybody like no yes don't do this not a good look
is that really you what are you doing here all these kind of things so if we're already resistant to the feedback from the people that we consider closest to us that have our best interest at heart it's going to be tremendously difficult to show up authentically vulnerably because there's still some sort of
internal not even M me me turmoil but there's like an internal battle to where you kind of like the hiding let me add something to this conversation okay our mutual friend Rich Cardona who produces our podcast for us part of our media Trifecta here he and I were spending some time together and
we're driving the car he's a very emotional guy in a very good way he's in tune with his emotions he writes high and he writes low and we were talking about this idea of giving praise versus giving criticism I said we have the opposite understanding of what praise and criticism is so here's
another Antichrist statement here okay you should not seek Praise You should seek constructive criticism you should be sad when people praise you you should be joyful and delighted when people give you solid constructive criticism let me explain why what happens to us when when people say oh you did a really good job
you know you you did your best today I'm really proud of you and you start to have these feelings of accomplishment what you're saying is I don't know my own inherent goodness I did not know I did a good job I didn't know that I could be proud of myself I'm waiting for
someone else to tell me so once again we've given the controls of our emotional regulation to some other person and we're very needy of this now so we look to a parent we look to a friend a peer a mentor a colleague a spouse they say you know what I appreciate you for
working hard today like the hell you didn't know you worked hard today you didn't know like you can barely keep your eyes open but you showed up to work today and you did what you needed to do to provide for you and your family that you made certain personal emotional sacrifices you dealt
with a screaming client and you dealt it you dealt with a situation with professionalism with poise with elegance and generosity you didn't know that you got to let somebody else tell you that and so what happens you start to become depressed you start to feel less and you're waiting for anyone just anyone
a stranger someone on social media to say mo I'm proud of you you did a great job today so when people say I'm proud of you what people don't realize is they're subconsciously unwittingly saying I have power over you and me being proud of you is something that you should like now parents
say this and parents are the just about the only people that should say I'm proud of you because you're the progyny they brought you into this world they gave you life and they supported you for whatever your critical stages of development were and they had certain expectations but I still find it problematic
that parents say it why are you proud of me right now because I did something that you wanted me to do you get into law school I'm proud of you you get straight A I'm proud of you what is the inverse of this Mo the inverse is when you don't do the things
I want and like I am not proud of you that's a nasty codependent relationship too cuz you don't notice it when you're young and then you you get older and then you're like wow I've been doing a lot of things for reasons other than internal let's look at some emotions or or some
actions Pride love joy generosity are these things like little pieces of candy that are to be doled out from time to time aren't you deserving of love joy and pride and generosity by merely existing from a very young age I would tell my children especially the ones that weren't like so sure of
themselves I'm proud of you I love you there's nothing that you ever could do that would ever change that no matter what you did even if you committed a crime the most heinous crime you murdered somebody I still would love you to not ever allow anyone else to tell you otherwise you don't
have to do anything to deserve this you don't have to do anything to earn this you get it just by existing me and you talked about that when I was in California the last time at your house and you were we were eating uh some some Banger uh Asian food and I I
had it in my notes and you said that's the only thing that I would tell my sons before bed when they're in a you're so weird sometimes when they're in a state of like that they can receive it and I wrote it down in my notes and from that day and I I
think I came to California maybe marchish right end of March so it's been six seven months when I'm with my kids every single night before bed I pull out the notes now I have it memorized but I'll pull it out and I would say it and now every time they're with me before
bed they'll be if I if I'm always planning to say it but they'll be like Bubba you forgot something and now my son Aline can recite it from memory and there was one night where he did it and that's that's why I'm kind of getting emotional because that was such a powerful lesson
because I consider that my parents did a tremendous job you know parents are learning as they go as well sometimes life for them is the first time but there was definitely moments throughout my childhood where I felt that I needed to always perform right like I needed to do something not in exchange
for their love but that was the pressure I put on myself and it's and it's really important for me now having three kids of my own now that lesson that you said stuck with me and while you're saying it now that could that is potentially the unlock for all of this for anyone
I know we started with personal brand we went down the rabbit hole that Mo and do show usually goes down but that is the unlock I I am still on the boat and I'm worried that I feel like I've been very blessed to have you in my corner my mother my father friends
that love me that people that can be direct with me and say it for real and I and I take it I know they have my best interest I hope that that people are able to go down this journey and be very cautious in being okay internally first because you're going to be
hit with all fing lot from the outside external world I'm really glad that you're applying that lesson and you're seeing the M the kind of impact it can have on this very young fertile Minds these Gardens and the seeds that you plant you can put weeds in or you can you can grow
vegetables and fruit and plant a Mighty Oak Tree in there we just don't know and you could you you're getting choked up because when you understand that you can do this as a parent I think the reason why you're getting choked up is you're like but there's a child inside of you that
needed to hear it too that we all wish that our parents were better it's too late but we can parent ourselves differently and so now I want to go to the opposite side of this which is the feedback unlike the love the generosity the joy and someone feeling proud of you you have
to earn the feedback right so I told you we got it all wrong we think we need to earn someone's approval No I don't want that and let's just be real with this when somebody's like I love your design I'm like I appreciate that I already like the design it's good feedback right
but I was thinking what do you know about design see there are people out there that were seeking validation from that their lives are a mess that their financially broken and that they they are working through their own trauma and they they don't have any design sensibility and they're not good writers and
they're like that was a good piece of design writing that you did and you're like oh my God you just made my dam on Cloud9 so the opinion and of an uninformed person matters to you and you ride that emotional high but you know what it's like a drug the more you chase
it the less effective it is the more you need it the more you chase the less effective it becomes you become so desensitized to this that you become a very needy person whose emotional state or well-being is regulated by the random comments of strangers I just want to say this you some kind
of compliment ho you turning tricks on the street to get a compliment that's what you become critical feedback back is hard to give because it requires a level of study intelligence and generosity most people give it wrong they're like I like this I don't like that not very helpful to me that's okay
everyone can express their opinion however they want but in my mind there's a much higher art form to giving critical feedback here's what you did well here's where you can have some room for improvement and point out very specific things give you concrete examples now the reason why I say you have to
earn the feedback is because I don't care enough about you to take out my time to put my intellectual kind of uh ideas and creativity into solving a problem people pay me for this stuff people ask me all the time on the internet can you look at my launch can you look at
my logo can you look at my website I'm like no I don't have time I don't have time you haven't earned that from me this is why Carlos loves to say this and I like it too Carlos Garcia he says feedback is a gift and if you look at this this goes along
with my thesis here critical feedback well articulated thought out feedback is a gift it is not to hurt you you're talking about it from the position of the messenger as the receiver it is you are gifting somebody especially someone if you're in a position where you can actually articulate good in-depth feedback that
moves the needle for the other person yes a lot of times the people that give feedback even when it's good they the the rapping is a little harsh but that's besides the point but as the receiver cuz I used to be this way and I'm still working progress I used to be this
way I remember when I wrote my thesis and the reason why he was my adviser he brought that b back bloody when I say bloody that's red ink on the paper for anybody that's in Academia right and that was the fir and this was my undergrad thesis that was the first time in
my undergrad career that's four years into undergrad at this point where the paper comes back bloody I'm pissed I'm at the house my my my wife is sitting there I'm mad screaming walking around I was like a I was like a spoiled child reacting to this paper being bloody and it was because
because he brought it back bloody and I had to go through that that we got published and it was that paper that got me accepted into the master's program because my the person who interviewed me for the master program was like you're published as an undergrad but oh my God was it [
__ ] grueling to experien that yeah but it was also one of the first few times it was real critical deep feedback I didn't think it was a gift in that moment though until I got through all my [ __ ] and then it was and now even with you sometimes in the
early s I'm like man this is tough to hear there's a powerful word I want to share with you it's called reframing hopefully by the time I'm done talking about a couple of these ideas I'll have reframed it for you so that you can see it in a totally different light that you'll
stop seeking the approval and the praise of other people and you'll move towards I would love to get your honest critical feedback because that's going to help me grow the most when someone asks for this and I just want to give you some examples or continue with my thought we pay Consultants thousands
hundreds of thousands and millions of dollars to go in to do what to praise us to compliment us to proove what we're doing absolutely effing not you've wasted your money then they go in to say like here's all the things that we see things that are misaligned in ways to improve it and
they get paid millions of dollars to do this all the big consultancies we go in to a pitch meeting and we have a half-baked idea are we looking for praise and compliments we're looking how How to Build a Better Business so now if we understand the professional context if I'm being sued which
you know I'm going through some things myself I go to an attorney so that they can fix the problem not to praise me not to take my side but to make the problem go away we pay lots of money to do this we should look at intelligent articulated feedback from someone who knows
what they're talking about as a gift you should have paid for it so every time somebody asked me for my opinion I somewhat think what are you going to do should thank me and should you should should pay me but what do they do instead they're like what an a-hole you're not deserving
you haven't earned my critical feedback so what do I do and this is what most people do that's nice how interesting amazing work good job Jimmy good job Mary so here's the ironic part people that are in my inner circle you know who you are you ask me for my opinion you tell
me about your idea and they tell you why it doesn't work and what do you do you reject it you feel attacked you feel hurt what do I want to do I don't want to give you my opinion anymore it's a waste of my time you're not going to take it anyways you've
become and I've put out a post on this not my term an Ask whole you ask for advice you just don't take it because the advice and the feedback you got doesn't align with you wanting praise this is a sick relationship let's imagine you have to cross the English Channel and you're a
firsttime boat builder and I'm a master boat builder you're like I'm ready to go can you can you give me an inspection on this boat I'm like Yep looks pretty good in my mind this a you ain't going to make it you're going to die on the ocean you're like thanks I have
all the confidence in the world I'm like woo and you start rolling out there you're wait a minute the boat is taking on water and it's very unstable it's spinning in circles and you're like going nowhere fast and then you drown and you die the other scenario is you show me your boat
I'm like okay this boat will capsize you got to redo this this and part and you're like oh my God so much work I just want to get on the water I said you know you didn't finish the boat correctly it's not sealed properly and if you do this it's going to cut
through the water faster you'll use 50% less energy and you know what you're thinking F you I just want you to praise me when I present that example no one wants the first of the two options but that's how you act that's how you conduct yourself so I'm telling you something right now
you can seek empty praise or you can hear the hard things to help you grow you can't have both before we go too deep I just want to mention something some of you are aware of this most of you are not we have membership love that allow you to support us making more
content I'll talk more about that later towards the end of the video just let you know for right now go ahead and counter it what about the dream Chris the dreamers you sound like you're [ __ ] on people's dreams I mean weren't you the one who was trying to build an education
company and you and you went for the advice of the Masters in Academia and they said it's not going to work and you were like ba you're saying right now some people go to aside from those that are actually just going for praise right yes I think a lot almost everybody going for
pra mostly most people go for I can already see an audience be like what about the people that have dreams and Ambitions and great ideas and you know you always hear these cliché motivational posts it's like no one they believe in us okay okay and they go to and they go to real
people they go to real PE and you hear it time and time again I watched the documentary of Charles Trotter Charles Trotter hired the guy who became a three star Michelin Chef in the same City Charles sh on this man the guy at the end of documentary was like if it wasn't for
Charles trer I wouldn't be here so I get that there's that always like the master isn't always the best but you learn from them whatever but some many people are going to hear this it's like what if I believe in my idea what if and you sit there as the expert and tell
me it doesn't work you have a way of pervers what I say into running into different scenarios so I'm I'm grateful for it so let's we are in a completely different rabbit hole for personal branding but I'm here for it let's examine this for a second you have a brilliant idea you want
to change the world and radical ideas are hardly ever seen with open arms and welcomed in like you you got something great cuz we want just more of the same just like better and it's true about everything than everybody like we love that dish we want it more the same but just a
little bit better and somebody introduces you a totally different dish like I don't want that I don't want that because it takes time to get used to new ideas and when you're showing these ideas you have to be careful who you're seeking opinions from people who can give you money okay I understand
that people whove been there before I understand that people have expertise about specific things who are really good articulating feedback I can see that too so you say I have this big idea they criticize it you have a decision to make is the criticism valid because I already know who I am I
know what the idea is I know who they are I can filter out the good from the bad feedback I'm not saying take every piece of feedback as gospel from from the heavens and the universe you have to understand something you have to know what you came there for and the feedback says
I don't think consumer is going to buy it here's the challenge how do you defend against this and you should walk away saying I can defend this that's okay that's a valid point so you change the one thing that's valid and you work on it the most famous example of this is when
the founder of ring came to Shark Tank and pitched this idea about a door system that you can answer it with your phone and to the regret of the Sharks which is the biggest pitch they turned down that worked out to be a ginormous company because Amazon bought them for like $10 billion
or something like that that they regretted making that decision the person who came in believed in their Vision was seeking money and perhaps some guidance these guys couldn't see it but here's the beautiful part did they give up no they proceeded just as normal because they knew who they were they weren't seeking
external validation they're looking for feedback to make it better or they're looking for mentorship or money they got none so they went back and did what they needed to do that is a different thing than what you're saying if you don't know who you are you don't believe in your own Vision anybody
says anything well you got nothing it might work it might not but you're not convicted in what it is that you're trying to build so there are lots of people who tell me oh the future's stupid social media is dumb why you giving away content I don't like the way you do this
I'm like smell you later I know what I'm doing if you want to help you want to get on the train let's go but this all does connect cuz here are the three themes that I'm hearing from you about really building a strong personal brand really actually putting yourself out there number one
you have to be convicted in who you are you have to be showing up with no other intention but to show up as Who You Are and if things are presented to you in the form of criticism or whatever don't come at it from a position of seeking praise seeking love look at
things from a position of is this feedback applicable I need to address the a really big thing that needs to make in this episode because you're listening to this and you've raised this flag a couple of times what if I'm not ready to be vulnerable and the world is kind of mean and
cruel which it can be at times don't do this without guidance don't do this without doing the inner work first because you're too raw and vulnerable and in a way that it's not the right kind of vulnerability that we're talking about you're so sensitive to the feedback that you're not quite ready some
people have social anxiety even in writing a comment that their hands are literally shaking as they're trying to write out the comment that person is not ready to do this deep dive that person hasn't done the inner work to be so raw and vulnerable and you know what I I'll put this out
there I think I hold a specific and unique position in the way that I carry myself because I've done that work and it's not easy work to do if it was easy work to do everybody would look and sound exactly the same and I'm kind of glad as a child growing up as
an introvert I had to do a lot of inner work just to survive emotionally without trying to throw myself off a bridge and then into college took the philosophy class and then when I started my business I sought mentorship and coaching and then I sought therapy and then I read books and I
worked on myself and I kept thinking thinking about the things I think about and I started to see that there was a perspective here I'd like to share with people more more for them to be balanced human beings who have that aura of self-acceptance self-love joy and peace and then anything else is
possible business as you know can be very difficult working with clients is really difficult but it's more difficult when it's compounded by the fact that you're all busted up that you don't know who you are that it's like a house that's all the windows are cracked and ready just to fall apart so
if we can build up that foundation and build up and fortify ourselves as to who we are when clients like I don't like this offer you can say okay we're probably not the right fit for you what people often mistake as complete arrogance or ignorance both wrong when I do my role plays
when I say I never justify because I believe that I don't need to justify myself to you who are you to hold a position over me to say prove your Worth to me I'm nobody and you are too and I will leave because we're clearly not a good fit for each other you
come from that school where you want to hold and exert power over me I don't belong in that world so I'll see you later friend you know what the funny thing is one of our videos where I negotiate with you to get 50% of your business I'd like to propose something else please
I'll do the video for you for free if we get the results that you want i' like a percentage of the results how about since you say each customer is going to spend $100 with you let's go half video yeah sking yeah they're just all on it like oh what an aole what
a prick this will never work 50% that's outrageous right there are two not surprisingly responses I put them in two types of categories number one I'd do that deal with you but for 35% and if I was in business I'd take that it was just a negotiation by the way and here's the
surprising part Mo they dm' me and said I'll take the 50% offer I say to them it was just a roleplay friend they're literally people in my DM say I need help with my business I'd be happy to give you 50% to solve my problems so for all those people who think that
was a dumb video that would have no real world applications you're wrong the most of the people who who comment are not businesses and not business owners they're service providers so like this is star you don't know what you're talking about but businesses understand how difficult it is to acquire customers and to
grow their company those are real business people who reach out like my company's busted I need help I don't even remember the example but I remember you said said we're going to increase your clients by this much no I just said you don't want to pay me the $1,000 so for every new
client that I get you you pay me 50% of the revenue right that's right that's right it's pretty straightforward and you're like I don't want that what if I make too much money or I mean what if I pay you too much money I'm like stupid that's the whole point God the comments
the comments I get on that video I'm like complete [ __ ] in that video some racial things in there here some some it's a middle eastern and Asian talking to each other there's a lot if you have enjoyed this video if you have enjoyed the philosophy that Christo shares regarding how he
approaches personal branding from a standpoint of you have to heal internally first to show up in a way that is who you are to not be susceptible to the dangerous treacherous Waters of social media and the world let us know in the comments if you enjoyed this and the next part two or
part three whichever this one lands is going to be how do we take everything he just said and then apply it into content let us know in the comments if you're not following already subscribe hit that subscribe button and Chris tell them about the membership if they're not a part of the membership
I'd love for you to talk about that yeah for those of you who feel so inclined to reciprocate the generosity in that which we've shown you because we could gate everything that we do we can hold back on the workshops and have massive funnels and calls to action and we could funnel that
you to death we've decided not to do that for the last 10 years produced over 1300 videos but for the first time we figured out a new way that we can share some of the weird content that we have these deep Dives these hallway conversations these full workshops in a way that I
don't have to launch a course but I could just give it to you and we put that behind the premium membership you can join by going onto your desktop going to the Futures Channel on YouTube there are two options you can join as a premier member which says we love you we want
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Workshop I can just teach you all for free through the support of the people who can and the rest of you thank you for watching
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