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Communicate with Purpose: Techniques to Enhance Every Relationship
Chris Do explains that masterful communication isn't about the words you use, but the observational rigor you apply to every interaction.
Chris Do
Founder, The Futur™ · May 14, 2024
The Anatomy of a Message
Most advice on communication is a lie. It promises formulas, power poses, and magic words. It treats human interaction like a software program where the right input guarantees the desired output. This is a flawed and superficial model.
True communication is not a script. It is a signal transfer. The core principle, according to The Futur’s founder Chris Do, is intention. He states, “When you speak, you send out a signal. You're the transmitter and you as the receiver, I need to make sure the intentionality between the transmission and the reception is the same.”
This is the fundamental rule. It moves the focus from performance to reception. Are they getting what you are sending? Do says he is constantly checking, adjusting, and recalibrating until the message lands as intended. It’s an active, fluid process of feedback and refinement.
This explains why Do can appear as a “charming razor blade” in one moment and a therapeutic guide in the next. It is not a contradiction. It is a demonstration of range. Many people, he notes, have only one crayon in their box. They possess one voice, one tone, and one style for every situation. This limits their impact.
To be effective, you must develop a broad palette. As Do puts it, “You could make a false assumption as this is how he must be… that's just the general dangers of stereotyping and jumping to conclusions on too little information.” The masterful communicator is not one person. They are many, deployed with purpose.
The Master and The Student
This adaptability requires a specific mindset, one Do describes as oscillating between two poles: be everything and nothing at the same time.
This is not esoteric double-talk. It is a practical strategy for navigating complex human dynamics. The “nothing” state is about entering a conversation with humility. You vacate your ego and pre-conceived notions of superiority. You show up as an equal, ready to listen and learn. It is the posture of the student.
But you cannot stay there. To lead, guide, or teach, you must be able to step into the “everything” state. This is the posture of the master, the one with authority and a clear point of view. It is the voice of confident direction. Do explains, “I'm a teacher learner. You got to go back and forth all the time.” The speed at which you flip between these states can appear simultaneous, but it is a conscious modulation based on the needs of the moment.
He recalls the late-night sessions on Clubhouse during the pandemic, where people shared deep trauma and fear. In those moments, showing up as a hard-nosed coach would be irresponsible. He explains his shift: “I'm going to switch into my FM DJ voice... I just want to make sure they're feeling heard and they felt seen.” This is the “nothing” state, creating space for the other person.
Contrast this with a coaching call where a mentee needs a direct push. “I can say to you really directly and I'm not even trying to sugarcoat it, to say stop that childish behavior,” Do says. This requires the “everything” state, leveraging a foundation of trust to deliver a hard truth. This is a skill explored in depth in discussions on building better lines of communication.
This dynamic also includes knowing your limits. When a situation veers into territory you are not trained for, like a mental health crisis, the responsible move is to admit it. “They're afraid that if they say I don't know or I need help, the people we're going to look down on them,” Do observes. “And they're more afraid of that than practicing some form of malpractice.” True mastery involves the humility to defer to professionals.
Erase the Story, See the Code
To move between these states effectively, you must first change how you see the world. Humans are wired for narrative. We wrap everything in stories, judgments, and cultural values. We don’t see a beverage; we see “the finest cup of water.” We don’t see a piece of protein; we see “premium cut, choice prime rib.”
Do advocates for a practice of stripping away this narrative layer to see things for what they truly are. This aligns with the thinking of philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti, who Do quotes: “The highest form of intelligence is to see without judgment.”
This is not an easy pursuit. It is a lifelong practice of deconstruction.
Do found this same principle echoed in Stoic philosophy, particularly in the writings of the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius, as described in Ryan Holiday’s book, The Obstacle Is the Way. Aurelius made it a practice to describe things in plain, objective terms. Do explains, “That's not a prime cut of meat. That's a dead cow. That's not vintage wine. It's rotten grapes.”
This practice of objective observation has a direct impact on communication. When you remove the subjective, emotionally-loaded language, your thinking becomes clearer. This clarity translates directly into your words.
Do gives a concrete example. When asked for the “best” solution to a problem, he recoils from the word. “If I have the best solution for you, and I'm egotistical to think I have the best solution, it means I must know all solutions. I've graded all of them.” It is an impossible and arrogant claim.
Instead, he reframes it. “I can just tell you a solution, an alternative that might be better than the one that you have.” This is not just a semantic difference. It’s a fundamental shift in thinking from absolute judgment to contextual options. This approach is key to an effective strategy for overcoming imposter syndrome, as it grounds you in what you can offer, not what you must pretend to be.
The lesson is profound. “My words are a translation of my thinking,” Do states. “So you don't want to copy the words, you want to copy the thinking. And once you think a certain way, you will talk differently.”
The Sleeper Must Awaken
The ability to think with such clarity begins with one skill: observation. Referencing a line from Frank Herbert’s classic sci-fi novel Dune, Do declares, “The sleeper must awaken.” Most people, he argues, are sleepwalking through life. They are not present, not paying attention. Their recollection of events is low-fidelity because their initial recording of it was poor.
To communicate with purpose, you must first learn to see with purpose. You must become an active observer of the world. This is not some innate talent reserved for geniuses. It is a muscle that can be trained.
Do’s own training came not from a communication course, but from an education in art and design. He was not born with a high-fidelity memory; he was forced to develop one. “From the time in which I can remember before I even knew I wanted to become a designer, I was paying attention to these things,” he reflects.
His education in perception began early and was unconventional.
- He read women's magazines for skincare tips and Sunset magazine at age 11 to understand home design and landscaping.
- He consumed everything from Ranger Rick for kids to Car and Driver and GQ, hungry for information about how the world worked and looked.
- He spent hours in Pacific Sunwear in the late '80s and early '90s, not to buy anything, but to stare at the graphic design on skateboard decks.
- He studied the ads in Thrasher magazine, questioning the design choices and the cultural signals of the punk and metal aesthetics.
He was training his eye, even when he did not know it. This developed a specific kind of memory. “What I choose to remember is different than what you choose to remember,” he says. While others might remember names or song lyrics, Do’s mind prioritizes concepts, ad campaigns, and design history. It is a matter of what you deem important enough to record.
A Designer's Education in Perception
This intense focus on visual detail was formalized and weaponized at ArtCenter College of Design. There, the standard for craftsmanship was inhumanly high. The goal was perfection. The process was brutal. The result was a permanently altered sense of perception.
Do recalls a shop class where students had to build a desk unit. The instructors would inspect the work by holding it up to their eye, looking for the slightest wobble or imperfection. An edge was meant to be so sharp, “if you touch it, you would cut your hand.” Anything less was a failure. This wasn’t just about woodworking; it was about training the eye to see what others miss.
This education now informs how he sees everything. He approaches the world not as a passive consumer, but as a critic. He approaches dialogue with the same critical eye he uses to inspect the joinery of a table. This is the source of his precision.
He offers a masterclass in this way of seeing, using the example of stone tiles in a hotel bathroom. To most, it is just a wall. To Do, it is a story of budget, craftsmanship, and intention.
This is what he looks for:
- Tile Size: “The larger the size, the more expensive it is because it can't have flaws in it.” Large, single slabs of marble indicate a significant investment. Small, cookie-cutter tiles suggest a budget-conscious project.
- Material Authenticity: He looks closely to determine if a stone is real or a high-quality synthetic print. “I can see the dot pattern on it. This is printed, mom,” he recalls telling his mother about her countertop. This is a level of scrutiny that builds a strong personal brand based on expertise and discernment.
- Craftsmanship and Joinery: He inspects the seams and cuts. An expert stonemason will cut and place the tiles intentionally, avoiding awkward slivers at the top or bottom. A sloppy job is a sign of cut corners. “They cut corners on this,” he’ll note.
This heightened awareness is not limited to stone. He applies it to the plastics in a car’s interior, the weight of paper, or the clarity of glass. He once identified the most expensive pane of glass from a selection simply by its purity, leading an architect to quip, “Chris, you have champagne taste and on a beer budget.” The point is clear: his senses were trained to recognize quality, a skill that requires detailed observation. This same acumen is vital when learning how to price your work based on value, not just cost.
The danger, he warns, is that once you see the code, you cannot unsee it. Once you learn to spot poor craftsmanship, you see it everywhere. But this is also the opportunity. This is how you develop a high-fidelity perception of the world.
Translate Your Vision Into Words
This is the bridge between seeing and speaking. The precision with which you observe the world dictates the precision with which you can describe it. When you have a richer, more detailed mental model, you require a richer, more detailed vocabulary to express it.
When critiquing a video, Do doesn’t say the lighting is “nice.” He says, “I like the production value because you've created good separation between you and the background.” This is not just fancier language. It is more useful. “Nice” is a dead end. “Good separation” is an actionable piece of feedback that points to a specific technique the creator can replicate.
If your vocabulary is limited to generic words like “interesting” or “good,” you are compressing a vast array of unique experiences into a few blunt instruments. The words you choose code the story you tell yourself. Do says, “Even though what you're experiencing in life is vastly different, how you record it as a memory and the emotion and the story you tell yourself, they're almost the same because of the words you chose to describe it.”
To become a more articulate speaker, you must become a more articulate thinker. To do that, you must expand your vocabulary. Pay attention to the words others use that land with precision and impact. Borrow them. Incorporate them. Give yourself more crayons for your box.
This is the core of masterful communication. It is not about memorizing lines. It is about building a new operating system for your mind, one based on acute observation and the language to describe what you see.
Your New Practice
Developing this skill is not a matter of reading a book. It is a matter of daily practice. It is, as Do suggests, about taking it one step, one rep at a time. The goal is to transform yourself from a passive consumer of reality into an active, critical observer.
Here is how you can begin to train your own perceptual engine:
- Focus on the Extremes. We remember what delights or disgusts us. The middle is forgettable. Actively seek out and analyze these peak and valley experiences. Whether it is exceptional service at a restaurant or a frustrating user interface on an app, deconstruct why it made you feel that way. What specific details contributed to the feeling?
- Become a Student of the World. Be curious. When you encounter something well-designed, whether it is a physical product, a digital interface, or a seamless customer service process, ask why it works. Look at the materials, the layout, the flow, the language. Do the same for things that are poorly designed.
- Expand Your Lexicon. Pay attention to how masters in any field speak. When you hear a word used with precision, note it down. Look it up. Understand its nuances. Make a conscious effort to incorporate new, more precise words into your vocabulary. This is a critical step in learning how to build content people react to.
- Practice Objective Description. Take an object in front of you and describe it as if for an archivist. Strip away all subjective judgment, all flowery language. Describe its physical properties: its dimensions, texture, color, material, and construction. This trains your mind to separate reality from the stories you tell about it.
This is not an overnight transformation. It is a slow, deliberate ratcheting up of your own standards of perception. You are training your eye, your ear, and your mind to become more acute.
The journey to becoming a great communicator does not start with your mouth. It starts with your eyes.
Change the way you see, and the words will follow.
TRANSCRIPT
hey if you're new here welcome to the channel I'm here with my good buddy Mo and whenever we get together all kinds of tum flury happens we Aspire Endeavor to create some of those experiences for you cuz I think some of the conversations we have the kind of depth of the questions and
the dialogue need to be shared with the world and I would just want to thank for everybody who Tunes in to listen to me and talk and if you've ever admired the way I speak or how I control my tone or if you think that there's something here to learn about communication skills
Mo and I go freaking pretty deep on this and this is an episode that you're going to want to sit back and absorb all of the goodness that comes out we take it to some pretty wacky places I hope you learned something and you enjoy the episode as well without further Ado let's
get into it I consider you to be a great communicator and as someone who has studied it academically and learning through life professionally and personally I want to kind of explore that with you okay so let's just open with what do you believe to be the number one rule to being a good
communicator what do you define good communication to be well it's about intention that when you speak you send out a signal so you're the transmitter and you as the receiver I need to make sure the intentionality between the transmission and the reception is the same so I'm always checking in with myself when
I say something by your response to it or having you play it back to me was I good at communicating because then what I'll do is I'll readjust what I say until the desired message is sent and received properly it begins there well I'm really fascinated by how in real time it feels
so fluid to do this signal transmission receiving process in communication I think you're very masterful in tonality relative to the context okay and I do see you in real time adjusting and we've made several jokes around this you being a Charming razor blade sometimes people watch videos of you and they're like man
he's being an a-hole and I'm sitting there like no you're you're being pretty resist to what he's saying knowing you now feel like that and then sometimes when I watch you it's very therapeutic right so back in our clubhouse days people have come up and you know we would be up until 4:00
a.m. and this was during Co a lot of people were going through a lot of things very challenging things and I almost felt like you were holding their hands sitting down eye to eye and telling them that they would be okay yeah I want to understand kind of the thinking that goes on
when you're communicating with someone how the message comes out so clear so succinct and so so thoughtful some something I noticed about people is they don't have a lot of crowns in their box so when they speak to somebody they have one voice One Tone one style and that can work if you
don't have to deal with a lot of people but if you aspire to be a public speaker or if you want to have more range as they say you know how this works with acting MH some characters are or some people are cast as very specific roles they're always the bad guy the
henchman the Goon the smart Brainiac and then some people like Gary Oldman can play every role in the book and you don't even know Gary oldman's in the movie in to begin with right it's pretty wild what people don't understand about me is depending on which snippet that you're tuning into you could
make a false assumption as this is how he must be and that's just the general dangers of stereotyping and and jumping to conclusions on too little information or too little data so during those Clubhouse days what I was doing is I was regulating how I need to show up so I can be
helpful to that person and so the examp I would give to you is depending on the person I'm working with I can show up as being a really tough son of a gun I can say to you really directly and I'm not even trying to sugarcoat it to say stop that childish behavior
you're not being true to yourself and then if people are not privy to our relationship they're like whoa that guy is so full of himself he's an a-hole don't talk to people like that but they don't understand is there's a bond a relationship that exists that we explicitly give each other permission to
say you know what I'm interested in personal growth right please don't sugar Cod it I want to hear it I need to hear it a certain way and I'm adjusting to that person let's flip the script I'm on club mouse somebody's talking about child childhood trauma they've been abused they're on the edge
of I I think of a moment where it can go really dark for them I can't be coming in strong and coming in hot and saying yo you need to flip your life around and everything's going to work and you're going to be okay because ra you know right that's not irresponsible and
they're not ready for that I can't take them from maybe 3 to 300 it doesn't work work so I'm going to switch into my FM DJ voice and say you know I feel what you're going through it's it's unfortunate that life has conspired to put you in a place where you are right
now I just want to make sure they're feeling heard and they felt seen and somebody at least one voice in the in the vastness of the internet can just for a minute say like I see you as a human and you're going through some tough stuff and I want to see you do
better and I think you're capable of that and I also know when I'm out of my depth where if somebody's borderline suicidal or something else but I'm not going to come in there and like well you could do this because I'm not armed with those tools I'm not trained and I'm not going
to be there to see you through the darkness and I say you know this is what we do on the internet I want to be helpful but I'm I'm nervous that I'm not going to give you what you need and if there's somebody who's a professional can we have some help and support
it's kind of like if I'm doing a comedy show with you one day when we're on stage we're doing our thing and people are like balling just laughing and crying and cheering and learning and growing and being pushed and somebody has a seizure I'm not going to be like yo yo St back
everybody I got this seizure I know how to process this I'm a pro I would say is there a doctor in house is anybody please call 911 let's get this person some help we we got to get stop the show let's do this and so what people don't realize is they get caught
up in themselves and they tell themselves like like in our previous conversation they have an outsize measure of their experience their intelligence and what they're capable of doing they speak on things they should not be speaking on and they're afraid that if they say I don't know or I need help the people
we're going to look down on them and they're more afraid of that than practicing some form of malpractice and being negligent and I think that's a dangerous thing to play so for you to avoid finding yourself caught up in caught up in them caught up in yourself what's kind of the thinking that
you're leading with going into any dialogue of any sort I think if you come into any conversation whether it be with a client a partner a colleague an employee to come in to say like you and I were just the same I'm going to show up as nothing M and is everything at
the same time I'm going to vacate between those two points really quickly because I don't want to come in thinking I'm superior to you or you're inferior to me and people do do that a lot so if you put yourself on that kind of mental pedestal and say like you know what I
shouldn't even be wasting my time with you idiots that's going to put you in a space where you can't then reach down and say you know what I don't know what I'm doing here or my bad I wasn't prepared for this conversation is it something that we should punt or should we Forge
ahead to be very clear and transparent and we we we talked about this before like how do you become a really attractive person why why are some people like magnets and people drawn to them and we can't totally figure it out but we know it when we see it and when we feel
it yeah 100% so I have some theories on this when someone is so comfortable in their own skin that they're so present and grounded in who they are and full of self-acceptance fully self-aware and give gives you space to be you we love that because that's so refreshing it's so different everyone is
walking around pretending to be someone and we can feel that that's why it's called pretentious because you're pretending it's a pretense right you're aware thanks man when you're awake and you're aware you can see it up from a mile away and for me growing up with a bunch of like Macho guys it
was a big turnoff and I didn't want to be that person so I did liberally went the opposite direction for a long time very misunderstood cuz I didn't want to play in those games and you know what I'm talking but it's like who's got a faster car who's got a more like hotter
girlfriend and it's it's like measuring ourselves against superficial things and rather than compete on that space I'm going to compete on the Inner Space I'm going to work on myself so you fools can continue acting like fools clowning each other talking about people like their objects or or or or people to to
punish and reward it's just I don't understand that we're all people we're all in this struggle called human life we're on our own indiv ual Journey so who are we to judge and say we are better or worse I used to say this and then apparently it's a thing that people say and
I'm sometimes shocked and pleasantly surprised like I'm tapping into something I really am the above well let's be careful but just tapping into the above I just say you know touching on source code yes you know or maybe you every once in a while you go like this and you can peer into
the Matrix and you can see that oh I see the ones and zeros so I used to show up and I was like I'm nothing and I'm everything all at the same time and people like what the fudge does that even mean I'm like I don't know sometimes I'm everything I want to
take this back because because the audience that's listening some know that we have a relationship some do not and inside of your private Community after I joined and I was there for a few years I've always wanted to be his ta I've always wanted to be Chris's ta and I aspired to that
and after even joining the crew I was like how can I help you and there were Seasons inside of the pr group where I led calls for our community and in the beginning I was very nervous very man they're here for you they want to talk to you and I have teaching experience
in an academic setting where they're coming in knowing that I'm their teacher so I put all the story in my head of like well they're not going to listen to me this this and that so we were having offline coaching calls and he was like don't go in with so much control I
remember you saying this very vividly you like don't go in trying to control the call and for some reason that for me was just like it kind of like broke my brain cuz I'm like well how there's they're expecting a certain dialogue they're expecting a certain lesson like I should have a structure
of course you'd have a structure but you would say things like be everything be nothing right respond to what's happening right give and take be like Bruce Lee Be Like Water I'm be honest I may understand what you're saying now having had multiple seasons of exposure to you multiple conversations with you but
I want you to like really break what that means cuz someone might be listen like everything and nothing what is that that's super woo that's super like what are we well it's abstract esoteric nonsense it's double talk so based on on what you understand that to be and how you're moving in the
space when communicating as a coach what does being everything and nothing inside of a dialogue mean for you I think it's about understanding that we use such flowery language we are exaggerating being hyperbolic about how we see the world that isn't a cup of water it's a the finest cup of water that's
not a a piece of meat that's like premium cut Choice prime rib aged beautifully you know all the words that we use so what happens is humans love stories we love to tell them we love to tell ourselves stories we're suckers for a story and I think some part of the human brain
works on this story operating system I have a certain belief like we should try to strip away all the judgment and the values and the cultural things we attach to things to take away all the ceremony and the tradition like what is that thing to see things for the way they are and
that's a that's a lifelong Pursuit I was going to say that's not easy thing to it's it sounds easy but so Krishna myy says the highest form of intelligence is to see without judgment and that's a difficult thing and that's what I strive for I want to be intelligent for my own sake
but I also want to see things for what they are and the ability to see in process I think is a very important part and we'll get into as it relates to communication a little bit I'm reading the obstacles the way by Ryan holiday mhm and I'm told by people Chris that's your
book it describes you I'm like well then why do I need to read that those who know no man they know and they said are you a stoic I'm like I think I'm stoic there's a thing called a stoic apparently in in um Roman Roman times there were three stoics one of them
is Marcus aurelus the Roman Emperor and he's a brilliant man and leader and he he wrote a journal and it's thoughts on meditation and it's just wild and I haven't read it yet but I'm reading about what Ryan holiday is writing about it and sto is one of the things that Marcus believed
in is he wants to describe things for what they are so I'm like wait a minute that is me hold on what's going on here right present so one of the things that Marcus abored was the flowery language of Fine Things luxury goods and things like that so he's like that's not a
prime cut of meat that's a dead cow that's not vintage wine it's rotten grapes and he would just go through this and he made a practice of seeing things for what they are almost like on a scientific level if we try to describe something to someone else as a catalog as an archivist
we wouldn't add in all that colorful language and I think somewhere along the time of the Renaissance we enter into the Romantic Period and then we start adding all these human ideals and stories into things like love can no longer be utilitarian has to be love at first sight he lifted me off
my feet it's all these M there was electri in the air yeah you know for hundreds thousands or tens of thousands of years humans got together and it was an arrangement that you marry couple with this person because it was good for our tribe and good for the longevity of our community and
you just did it and then you learned to put up with each other and then eventually learn to love each other and you take care of each other and we made it work right you know so we we are now entering into this place where like I'm not feeling it anymore and like
what does it even mean so we're sold this idea that this is how love is supposed to be and it can be that but it doesn't need to start there and then that becomes the narrative that we believe and that's the narrative that we perpetuate and if those expectations are met we're like
well this is not is not what it's supposed to be let's ground this let's bring it back to our conversation you had said hey Chris what's the best way to say this thing and I I I kind of turn turned to you in my eyebrows when I'm like best and you're like oh
shoot you're allowed to say something to me you're G to wreck my brain right now aren't you right it happens it it happens every five minutes really with me and him so I say I don't know what the best solution is I'm afraid to tell you what the best solution is I can
just tell you a solution an alternative that might be better than the one that you have I can't even make that promise and then what does that do to you and your brain and we have to talk about this okay so I say if I have the best solution for you and I'm
egotistical to think I have the best solution it means I must know all solutions I've graded all of them and then I'm going to tell you the one that's best for you and not for me that's a lot of assumptions to begin with so I can say look there are other decisions that
you could make some of them will require less effort less pain and suffering and are high more likely to re uh to succeed that might be an alternative you should consider so there's a different way of saying that right so good though and then you say to me yo bro bro H bro
how do you speak like that I want to speak like you I said my words are a translation of my thinking so you don't want to copy the words you want to copy the thinking and once you think a certain way you will talk differently you will speak differently and that's what we're
talking about I know what you're talking about MO and and I appreciate all of you on the internet for saying things like this and I I do just I'm I'm tickled a little bit I'm not over the moon but I'm tickled when they say wow we love the way you speak the sound
of your voice the timber that the dulet tones as our friend juel would say and how do we structure words like that I'm like I don't know how you structure words like that but I can help you think this way and if you can think this way I believe the body mind mouth
connection will happen Marshall Jones talks about this a lot the body mind connection he's a master at this he is he's a master at this I hear a lot of his philosophies in what you're describing I want to Circle back much of what you're saying is first adopt a level of thinking that
is free of judgment that is not looking and free of judgment is don't say best don't buy into these stories that exist like look at things for what they are and then your communication will come from that how does that tie in to what we were talking about everything and nothing at the
same time can you land that plane in particular for me I can try so when I say I'm nothing I entered the conversation with humility I don't know anything special I'm not anything special but I can't stay there because then I'm going to live in a very insecure state I'm going to be
full of impostor syndrome so we can't stay there so we say well I'm everything but everything is really freaking self-important so we we oscillate between these two moments when it's necessary so when you're looking for Clear direction from me and you're saying how do you do this well this is I'm everything moment
right now right and then when you challenge me with an idea that's critical or you're saying I don't get it I can't say in the everything State I have to switch to I'm nothing so I'm a teacher learner you got to go back and forth all the time and I don't think they're
simultaneous you you do flip but the speed in which you flip may appear to that Observer as simultaneous I I'm not sure if you can be a student teacher at the same time yes yes guess yeah yeah like you're modulating between them relative to what is needed from you in the moment that's
right that's good just like in those conversations someone drops into the room they come at me hard well I'm not going to modulate to the well tell me more you spirit and soul because now they're like whoa and and this we know about Rapport matching and mirroring that's right right so if you
come in hot I feel like if it depends on where I want to take the conversation I can steer it so that you're going to cool down or I can fire it up and we're going to be infernos and sometimes I want to be an inferno because I indulge that part too and
I'm okay with that I think some people stay in that cool State the ones who have transcended into some new level of existence and Consciousness the Buddhas of the world I'm not that evolved I just put it out there he says that he says that and then I sit with him and I'm
like whoa what are some practices that you've done in your career in your life to ensure that you stay in that kind of pocket when you're communicating I know it's not I know you're not perfect but I do feel like you're very intentional to be able to swing between that everything and nothing
are there daily practices that you're doing are there you know is it just a matter of reps I don't have a perfect answer for you but I'll give you the one that I understand and please dig deeper as you as you feel if you need to you're on a journey yourself you drop
40ish pounds M it's pretty incredible if you think about it 40 lbs is like the weight of a small human that's a lot of weight and one day hopefully relatively soon you're going to be in the ideal physical condition that you can be given your genetic code your age yes and your time
right meaning we don't want to dedicate our entire lives to working out you'd probably Hulk out if you did and that's that's for other people to do and when you reach that stage somebody's like well how do you get here Mo how do you get here what what did you do what's the
secret sauce and that's what everybody wants to know and I'm going to guess you're going to say something like bro one step at a time one rep at a time and that's all it is and so if you want to be a master Communicator if you want to be able to oscillate between
the master and the student the learner teacher you just take it one step at a time so the first thing I would do is say let's be more intentional in the words we choose if English is not your first language and if English is your first language but you have a finite vocabulary
what I would suggest is you start to expand the vocabulary because the words you choose code the story that you tell yourself and the feelings that you associate with an event a simple test would be for me to hold up um a piece of design a post or a package and say mo
describe this package to me in the visual language that you can pretend like you are an art director and you are trying to describe to a blind person what you're seeing from a design point of view such that they can tell another person who can see and then they would design M and
you would probably struggle because design is not your Forte it's not what you study that's right right and so you struggle with it so imagine like that's how you record life so when you see something you use two or three words that are the ones that keep getting repeated so even though what
you're experiencing life is vastly different how you record it as a memory and the emotion and the story you tell yourself they're almost the same because of the words you chose to describe it this is why words like nice or interesting don't do anything because everything's interesting interesting bad interesting good right that's
surprising surprising in what way and so we have a few more words and I'm not talking about trying to be a college professor in Academia I'm just talking about add a few more words so that you can then more accurately describe something yes and when we say like oh that person is very
articulate it's because they have a wider range of words to more precis to describe what's going on and when you hear a master at work and you see the words that they're using like damn that's good so good I haven't heard that word in a long time that's how you use that word
mm that's good and we grind on a little bit so my thing is pay attention to how you speak pay attention to how other people speak and start to borrow words and start to say like oh okay I need to incorporate that into my vocabulary I want to touch on this concept that
you keep talking about and I want to put a spotlight on it because you say it so matter of fact L and I'm going to use the quote that you told me on another video we were shooting that came out of Dune it was like the sleeper must awaken yes and that the
majority of folks until they're unplugged out of the Matrix are walking around sleepwalking y through life y you always say and in in our season of mentorship right now you keep telling me be observant pay attention slow it down for yourself so and earlier today we were talking about in when Chris is
at Art Center and giving critiques there was or no he was giving me a critique on one of my videos excuse me it was during an art center conversation as well and I was like critique this video he was like well I like the production value because you've created good separation between you
and the background and I was like wow you saying that I created good separation versus saying the lighting is good or the way you framed it was or just nice right made me as a student aware of what iue what I can continue to do better moving forward so when I set up
another shot I'm like how do I create good separation because as a viewer Chris enjoyed that or as a viewer Chris appreciated that and it continued to capture his attention so that's his vocabulary so what I want to know is cuz we also talked about this your ability to pay so much attention
be observant is what allows you to then find the language or search the language or use the language what are you doing to be so freaking present pay attention so well be observant so well cuz we even talked about it earlier I was like me and you might have the same life experience
but your recollection of it your documentation of it feels lot more High Fidelity than if I were to say it right so in the moment what are you doing okay there's a couple things that are going on number one is I'm my background is in design and yours isn't so we're already hardwired
to to to seek out certain things you are a student of communication and so you're very attuned to words and how people hold themselves why our dialogue is so interesting cuz I'm doing things naturally yeah instinctively and you're picking up like whoa whoa whoa bro what are you doing there how why' you
structure like this and you may know structure mechanics and and you're way more tuned into that than I am but I am that way with visuals with the world ah and from the time in which I can remember before I even knew I wanted to become a designer I wasn't paying attention to
these things so for some period in my life people would tease me and I would like work on my my skincare routine I was reading magazines for women because they had better tips but it wasn't in you're reading Cosmopolitan bro at 78 years old no not 78 I was reading Sunset magazine when
I was like 11 11 trying to understand like how does one decorate and design a home how do you arrange Furniture what are the curtains and how come our house doesn't look like this why is everything we have white he's off the market ladies you know I know you see the perfect man
here but he's off the market you know he's looking at Sunset magazine at 11 looking at the design of a house but anyway the landscaping and all these things and and I would to I I I read everything I consumed everything I was hungry for information I would read highlight magazine or high
life you know that that's like for kids and it's got activities or Dynamite that's like for kids too and I would read Ranger Rick I it's just there's nothing that consuming Field and Stream Car uh what is that car and driver Motor Trend GQ Magazine Esquire I wanted to observe the world and
I was relatively trapped in the valley growing up and it's like it is for some parts of it a cultural Oasis there's nothing here I'm not in the bay I'm not in La I'm not in New York right I'm not at at areas the epicenter of art and culture and music and and
performance and I'm not even if I was I was pretty insulated from that so when I would go to the story I would look at the logos like wow that's pretty cool and the story I want to share is I would go to Pacific sunware because it was around for a long time
and Pacific sunware in the mall at Oak Mall it's something else now it's called Westfield but at oakd mall where I spent a good portion of my youth I would walk into Pacific sunware and along the wall were all these skateboard decks this is in the early 90s late ' 80s and so
I'd go in there and a skateboard deck was like 45 bucks not including trucks and wheels and bearings and grip tape 45 bucks just for the deck my mom's like I can buy you a whole skateboard deck at Kmart for 30 bucks I'm like ma that's not the deck I want no one
wants that brand so that's already brand conscious you know like I'm trying not to get beat up at school I don't want to get picked on in the playground so I always just rather have nothing I'd walk in there and I always felt like I wasn't welcome because I didn't fit the part
I wasn't a good enough skater and I didn't have the money to buy it and I just would just go in there and look at the designs and stare and I'm sure the the kids working there were like kid what are you doing here but I just staring at the design so I
fell in love with graphic design Through Skateboarding read Thrasher magazine trans world and you know what I was looking at I wasn't looking at the tricks per se I was looking at the ads huh studying the ads you know like oj2 slime balls and people vomiting I'm like why are they doing this
it's so gross but this is the culture why is there so much metal or Punk and tattoos and graffiti in this thing what's going on I would see Trends emerge and I was paying attention so not only were you looking at the design for its beauty but you're asking yourself questions as to
what's the intention behind why they're making what they're making yeah cuz it confuse me just to be curious right so I'd go in there and eventually I'd have enough money I'd buy a skateboard and I almost always um kind of embarrassingly picked the skateboard because of the graphics almost always and you're not
supposed to pick a board based on the graphics you pick it based on the shape and the feel and maybe you're associated with a team or a writer that you really identify with and I never even like bothered to step on it I'm just I want that one like you sure kid I
was like yes of course and there were some shapes that were so cool but the graphics were not good enough so I'm like dang it so I was in love with a pal Peralta Steve cabalero de cuz of the Dragon the dragon was amazing and I wanted that one and I got the
Christian hosy Hammerhead board cuz that was so iconic Christi doing a Christ air or whatever he was not a Christ air but he's doing his thing he was the coolest of the cool a wine guy with long hair super style like street style started there and I was like this is it for
me so I'm attracted to these things and I remember going to Macy's and going into their Collegiate apparel and looking at the sweatshirts you know what schools have the best logos what schools the iy oh yeah The Ivy they have the crest and I was I didn't know it at the time but
it was called heraldry these family crest that you would see divided with the lion or the Griffin and the the ribbons and the three stars I was like I want to go there just because the merch is good I want a sweater that looks just like that so I remember I was like
I want the Princeton sweater and I wore that I bought it and I wore it and my parents were like really happy cuz they're like oh my gosh my boy is finally getting serious about going to school I'm like no I got ser serious about this logo and I didn't know I don't
know anything you know and people are looking at me like I knew Princeton was a prestigious school I don't know anything about it and they're like you're going to go to pincon I'm like what's that no just it's all about the design I just like the design I have no intention of going
there because I'm not smart enough I'm not hardworking enough I'm not focused enough to go there I think my life would be vastly different if we lived in a different city and I had a mentor who was an artist or a designer who knows what I'd be doing today so I came to
design much much later in my life than most people do so I'm observing the world from a visual point of view so I'm recording this in High Fidelity throughout my entire life I can tell you literally the names and places and descriptions of things from a visual point of view dating back pretty
far and these moments matter to me now I want to also put this out there that I don't think I'm some kind of Genius I don't have some kind of Mega memory or super capacity to learn I saw people like that in high school I'm like oh my God your ability to hear
once and recall it is freaking out of control so I think you and I not to presume your intellectual mind we're not that different couple points here and there but what I choose to remember is different than what you choose to remember and I'll point it out to you in a second some
people are very good at remembering names places spaces and those kinds of things I'm terrible at that to me it's not important so I have to kind of say what is important for my memory to record long-term wise and I think if it's useful I'm going to remember it and sadly I'm not
a social person so I never made a point to remember people's names uh if they're married or if they have kids and what the kids are doing or if their mom is still alive or passed away I just I don't want to sound callous it just didn't register as something that I could
save room for I want to remember Concepts and AD campaigns and design and design history that's where I'm going to separate myself so your whole thing is well how could you say that how how do you know we're the same and I think we are cuz we're in the car a song comes
on you're bar for bar remembering the rap and I look at you I'm like see that's where you're spending your time your energy your memory I don't got that and it's a different use of the memory MH we just prioritize different things I did and I was wrapping L Russell if you haven't
heard of that artist shout out L Russell you should go listen to him he's from the Bay Area anyways in a dynamic where you're conversing right and you're being observant and it's because of this process of kind of who you are it sounds like right this attraction to aesthetic attraction to visuals you're
sitting there how are you deciding what is worth your observation how are you like this how are you making sure like okay this is important for me to remember to record long term things that Delight you or things that disgust you or things that you remember the stuff in the middle you forget
huh it's always the highs and the lows so when we go somewhere and it's a it's okay food okay Decor okay uniforms that's so true don't remember that but you go somewhere and they do something special for you the way I went to a Speak Easy in Barcelona and it was one of
these things where the kinds of drinks they were preparing it's something I'd never seen before they were literally smoking something and infusing into the the liquor and the present I've never seen that there's like a glass Dome and they're pumping something in infusing it with that smoke and so when when one of
our buddies ordered I'm like so tell me tell me what's it like and I'm not going to drink it does the smoke actually translate or is it a gimmick and they drank it like no no no I can taste the notes but it's it's subtle it's on the top of of the drink
so first you drink that and then it hits you in a little bit it comes and it's like there's that little smoke in the drink and he was describing to him I like I wish I drank so I could experience that for you so tell me more oh tell me the flavors and
that that's the kind of thing where you start to to kind of pay attention to it because it was so delightful so things that Delight you or disgust you you will remember and so I just happen to put my antenna out there so I can pick up those frequencies so if we go
somewhere it's exceptional service design user experience design not just design in terms of like what it looks like but how they they brought you through the hotel how they lay out the floor plan the joints and things I I pay a lot of attention to and I'll tell you why it's because when
I was at Art Center we have something called shop or nature materials or something like that where every single student regardless if you're an industrial designer graphic designer Fine Art you must learn how to use the shop tools and the people who taught it they were man for Perfection they wanted a standard
that was not humanly possible so for example when you made your desk unit the desk unit is pretty ingenious in its its uh conception because it makes you use like five or six different machines by making one thing and essentially they would take it and they put up to their eye and your
eye when you put it in a line you close one eye you can see if it wobbles that's how they're looking at it they would see if you round it off a corner they essentially want it to be so that if you touch it you would cut your hand cuz it's that Shar
all the edges were clean so it taught you about craftsmanship and training your eye where you thought was good to become extreme so now you start to become a perfectionist and nothing except for things that are made in the computer are that perfect your caution to detail is even super high by using
something like that yeah you you ratchet it up you add more crowns your eye becomes more acute to picking up these little details so joinery edges you start to pay attention to so whenever you go to a hotel go to the bathroom and look at the grout look at the tile see what
I'm saying look at the seams that's what I do I know that's what I'm that's why I'm saying your ability to pick out the detail now I have a better understanding of how you got here yeah because you're literally having to make sure the detail is so clean on this machine to not
cut your finger off while you're doing it and to make sure that the thing that comes out at the end no you want your finger to get cut that's how sharp your edges are oh you want your fingers to get cut from the sharpness of the EDG yes because your edges are so
clean you didn't accidentally soften the edge got it got it it's very difficult to do this I'm following now I got you you know when when and I would do this I would take a block put sandpaper on it and push it across but you know what you do you push harder in
the middle you lighten up at the front and at the end so you'd create a divot and he would put it up to the light it's like it's there's a divot here I'm like gosh darn it so now you got to stand the thing again yo art critiques are mad so you know
how you know how you do it now you don't take a small block you take a flat surface you tape down a giant sheet of sandpaper and you sand the whole thing at the same time so you learn techniques there are things that they don't tell you how to do this they just
said sand it and then you you're going to find out the hard way so it's pretty crazy they have all these tricks on how you maintain a perfect Edge and you come to appreciate this I'm going to give you all a little test right now and we're going pretty far off these tangents
no no no no I'm ready to bring us I'm ready to cuz I'm seeing a lot of parallels that they may not see because of my relationship with you right now and I'm going to bring us home I'm going to land the plane in just a second but take us where you want
to take us okay stone tile is cut at a specific size the larger the size the more expensive is because it can't have flaws in it so the smaller the tile means it can use more parts there there's less waste does that make sense so if you if you cut a slab of
marble or Granite okay so it's a big slab and we know it's a natural occurring process and it's what's happening is by organic material is decomposing and it creates a certain thing so Carrera marble comes from Italy Kata marble comes from India M that's why it's called Carrera or Kolkata and has a
different color consistency and and softness to it okay okay a million years ago some dinosaurs some animals and some some plants were swallowed up by the Earth compressed over a millennia squeeze and squeeze and squeeze so these rock quaries form that's how or stone is made okay so what they do is they
burrow into the Earth and they bring out these giant blocks and they have these giant saws that cut slab off if there was an air pocket there's a flaw on it okay so what are you going to do with that and if it's from a section where there are lots of flaws and
Bubbles and impurities what do they do they going to cut that tile smaller so that they can throw those parts out and sell the rest M but if you're an inspector of tile and you look at you're like I want the best 4T by 8T or 12T X 6ft slab that's an expensive
piece of stone so what do they do when you go to expensive hotels resturants or residences and they have giant slabs of stone you somebody drop some coin on that now conversely if you go to a more cookie cutter track home mhm they have tiny pieces of tile they do with a lot
of grout on the countertop you yourself may have this very type of kitchen countertop where it's like small squares small squares or rectangular or rectangular rectangular pieces okay so why do I say this first of now you're aware okay and now you're aware I'm a wolf thank you that I don't have high
uh quality expensive countertop in my kitchen thank you you're welcome now you're Weare and here's the problem is once you become aware you cannot unsee it you can't you can't you gave me the code now let's say you go to a nice high-end hotel and you think it's a high-end Hotel because the
price reflects a high-end hotel maybe it's 800 bucks a night maybe it's 1,200 bucks a night and you're like okay let's be sure and then I see the damn small Granite so all you have to do is you go to the bathroom there's a couple things you want to pay attention to okay
first of all how big are the pieces of stone okay is it synthetic or is it organic so this is where I take off my glasses and I stare at I look at it really high quality synthetic stone is printed it's a quartz-like material so it's been a composite that's been they take
powdered Stone they glue it back together I think is how it's made and then they print on top of it like layers and layers and the better the quality the the the more depth the surface has versus they just print right on top and it's was like oh let me look at that
nope I can see the dots and the printing so one time I asked my mom mom is this real Stone she goes I can't tell I'm like this is the printing I can see the dot pattern on it this is printed mom you bought printed Stone it looks just like marble but I
can see it I can tell the veining is off and so that means it's just regular stone with a print on it who knows what it is wow who knows what it is it's just been screen printed to look like something the next thing you want to pay attention to is once you
see the larger Stone and it's high quality Stone and you're going to see how they they cut the stone okay inevitably the stones aren't a perfect match for the height of the of the of the room so that means they have to cut it somewhere so now I know if it's an expert
Stone Mason who's doing this or some some weird guy or gal they brought in just cranked out 50 rooms in a night or something literally they can't do it that fast so when you see the edging how they butt up against each other that's one clue and what Remnant pieces are the top
versus the bottom so an expert Stone layer will say like okay I need to cut the stone in such a way that it feels intentional so we have a tiny sliver at the top or weird piece at the bottom and you really pay attention to that so every once in a while you
go into a place like especially at a fast casual restaurant you go in there and they have nice Stone you can see it but then my God there's a weird sliver at the top or an uneven piece at the bottom like o they cut corners on this wow and those are the things
I pay attention to I'm like okay you charged me that premium price but God this is not a premium experience conversely sometimes you go into like these R rare finds these more boutique hotels that are not part of a big chain and they actually spend a lot of time putting this up together
and you canate the materials the fixtures how everything's laid out even really small rooms you you can really appreciate the the thoughtfulness of it and I appreciate that it just hit me in our conversation just now because this is the first time not just on air first time in real life for me
with Chris to know the depths of your background in Visual Arts at this level and it and also your clear study of it like there's a lot of people that have gone to similar schools as you but when I listen to you speak there is a nuanced level of detail and what just
hit me is you approach communication with the same approach that you approach art and I think the reason why you're such a great communicator not to label it but to label it is is because you're an astute artist and because of how much finesse you just talked about in making these things and
even the marble I think you approach communication that way you know when the edge might be too soft you know when to put pressure in the dialogue right so I want you to walk me through the same way you just described with such vivid detail this cutting of a marble or cutting of
sandpaper in in a conversation or when you're coaching or when you're on maybe not on stage because you're not receiving anything in return except a large audience what are you hearing that you record Delight wise what are you hearing disgust wise and where are you taking pressure off where you putting pressure back
on walk me through that science that's happening when you're communicating from that artistic lens that you just brought to the table okay before I go there I want to finish this out before you all send me negative comments like that's not really how it's done that's how I remember it and guys I'm
not a stone expert I'm not I'm not a third generation stone m or anything like that but I do pay attention so when I have contractors come I talk to them I'm reading magazines I become curious of the world and to be an observer of the world is a thing that you aspire
to do and and this can be a multigenerational skill because my young boy who's very observant my oldest boy I should say he's very observant when we walk to hotels and we know it's not like a Primo experienced Hotel I know because my wife booked it and we were like doing different things
they start to get used to like four star hotels or three stars or whatever it is and like oh and they say it in a way that like guys keep your voice down we're we're very privileged to be able to experience and find things in life that when we're not we we try
not to clown on this we don't do that so my son will look up and he's like Dad you see that tile it's off and that's fake isn't it I'm like and his vision is really good cuz I was even looking at it cuz I'm on vacation mode with my family I'm not
always thinking like let's critique the hell out of this so he pulls me over we nerd out we talk and my wife what are you guys doing nothing we're just talking trash that's what we're doing and my boy is very intellect grout and the tiles where he'll touch a material and like Dad
what what is this what's going on so I want him to become hyper aware and like I said once you see the code you cannot unsee it yes so if you were to travel with me for for an extended period of time I would point out things to you and then you would
go back like I can't stay in this room anymore I just can't I'm disgusted like this leather this the way this chair is designed or this microphone or this camera you're going to become a design snob not to say like you're holier than now but once you appreciate the Finer Things it's very
hard for you to go back like you can live in a ratty cockroach infested lice filled flea inhabited hotel or or apartment during your college days then you start to taste the Finer Things in life you cannot go back to that that'll disgust you like the little rust that sits around the Ring
of a faucet and you touch it and there's like a wobble to it it's like this is some crappy thing that they bought from some place when you fly first class once you're like you can feel it you can feel it and there's different things and there's there's materiality and how things are
made made and I can appreciate that and you touch it and you're like o there's a feel to it and give me let me give you one more example cuz I just talked about this recently on a different podcast which is cars are filled with plastic there's plastic everywhere but in cheap cars
you're very Weare with plastic and on the finer cars usually the German cars they Source better plastic it's got a nicer feel it's not shiny it's matte it's got a different touch so even synthetic things like nylon or vinyl can have different grades so how are they building this how are they making
this where are they sourcing the materials and this is like a whole industry of textiles and Plastics and there is a big big difference here's another thing back when we were designing our studio I guess it's our second Studio I'm talking to Architects and they lay a bunch of materials in front of
us the design is the design the shape is the shape but now depending on what wood I pick what steel or glass and they lay four pieces of glass in front of me and they're like which one do you like Chris I'm like I like C like you can't afford see put that
down I'm like what see like even though I don't know the price or the label I pick it up I'm like this glass is beautiful and it turns out it's like some kind of like Sapphire Glass and its Purity cuz glass I believe has metal or something in it that creates impurities so
when you find like really amazing glass it's pure glass so the the weirder green ones that have more Distortion in them that's not the highest grade class I'm like wow and they said something to me the first time somebody had said this to me Chris you have champagne taste and on a beer
budget I'm like okay help me make better decisions but that's what I'm saying like you put five slabs of Steel in front of me or different kinds of paper I'm like okay this is very toothy I like this feel that has good weight to it I like the color and the reflectivity to
it I want that paper like that is the most expensive paper like I'm sorry let me go with a cheaper paper and I I remember buying our Barcelona day bed and no sends me over a swatchbook bunch of pieces of leather I come through it like this one I tell them that they're
like Chris that is the most expensive one and it's the least durable of them all but I said but when you touch it it feels perfect because I forget there's three grades of leather there's what they call genuine leather and there's something else and there's top grain top grain is the most expensive
one it was great F I said I don't care f it let's go I want that leather so we can train each other to to be observant we can train each other to notice things whether it's food which my son notices a lot that's his Jam he's got very high sensory like um
his old factory his gustatory very high for me it's sound and its visuals for you it's words or people or other things we all have our own thing and then we zero in on that so I want to let everybody know how you do one thing is how you do everything that's right
that's right so when you train yourself on being meticulous and and care and you're craftsmanship well you be you should be meticulous and care about the way you speak and how you treat people yes you should and so this is a very important thing that we do humble things well because there's nobility
in that because how you do one thing is how you do everything and in case the people that are listening or watching depending on where you're consuming this there is kind of a a linear flow that we're following in case you got lost in the marble slab and the leather number one is
the thinking right neither equal or neither NE Superior nor inferior equal so you are seeing the world for what it is you are both everything and nothing and then that leads you into how you're going to observe and from there leading you into the things that are going to come out of your
mouth and the things that you're going to hear in line with communication tie this back into me come back with me now outside of the leather the same approach that you look at for design the disgust delight and the level of intentionality in how you navigate achieving that what are you doing inside
of communication to listen to that stuff pick it up notate it respond back can you can you give me perview on that yeah so we're going to notice the way that people speak so people who are not very intentional in their language skills they have a certain tonality you might say it's harsh
it can feel abrasive and it sounds authorative it's the Commander voice as Kier used to say and they don't have a different dial so even when they're saying nice things to you they'll say I love you and they're like are you upset at me right so it can be harsh and certain cultures
don't have that Nuance everything sounds like you're barking at someone or you're condemning them or you're judging them and it's tough I think Americans are especially good at nuance and Switching gears and controlling tonality I would say as a broad blanket statement I would say more Asian culture is a little bit harsher
more direct and there's beautiful things to both Americans are accused of being too in hiding their intention whereas Asians sometimes are criticized as being too direct like you you see somebody like you're fat they're just saying I see you as being bigger than you normally are but there's like kind of no Nuance
to that at all it's so super direct and I find that just like this idea of being a master novice or teacher student you kind of have to be able to use what is right for the moment a hammer is a pretty good tool but not for everything a pencil is a really
good tool but not for everything don't try to drive a nail in with a pencil don't try to write with a hammer of course you can but not always and so that's kind of like where we need to expand our vocabulary expand our tonality expand our pacing so that we can dial in
the transmission to the intended reception of that message and that's really important so we've covered transmission talk to me about reception cuz your ability to modulate in my opinion is Bar None some of the best I've ever seen like I could see you in one conversation you start off maybe maybe you're matching
energy and the conversation starts off hot and you're coming in hot with them and then you realize like a very subtle pivot in that person's reaction to how they're receiving you and then you pivot yeah so what what are the things that you're looking for the clues that are giving that to I've
seen you in role plays do this masterfully I've seen you take somebody who started off being a complete ass quite frankly or or aggressive or violent even towards you and then you've made them a confidant you've made them somebody that trusts you very much so walk me through that thinking and walk me
through what you're doing I think there's an expression it takes two to tango yeah so it's it's it's if somebody's fiery what do they need to remain fiery they need oxygen if you starve them of oxygen the fire will put itself out and if somebody's like ice cold what do they need they
need friction so you need to add friction so they can heat up and so I'm trying to figure this thing out I'm playing a game in my mind I'm not playing a game with people but I'm playing a game in my mind where I think to myself what is the optimal temperature that
we need to operate at that is going to be conducive for a productive conversation sometimes setting the intention I'm setting in my mind and I'm trying to move you to that place yeah and I want to know like sometimes it needs to be hot like I need you to act with urgency I
need you to pay attention I want you to do this thing and I will push all of your buttons cuz I know you're on the precipice of breakthrough and I don't I can't gently guide you to it I have to kick you off the cliff and say fly and you can do it
I believe in you and sometimes if you're super fragile and you're about to break and I don't think that's a good result and that's not optimal for what it is I'm trying to get you to do then I need to switch gears I need to pull you I need to bring you back
from the edge of the cliff so that you feel safe and then we're ready to fly so I'm regulating that in my mind like okay what is it we're trying to do here and with enough practice you can zero in it on really quick where it will seem like it's real time now
you're a bit like my wife my wife is always like h how did you do that like when did you figure that out either in the way that you said it the phrase cuz like did you make that up was that pre-written I'm like no I just felt it I said it she's
like it's not possible I'm like babe I'm not lying to you I wouldn't lie to you babe I just made that up right that idea just came to me because I was in the moment watching listening paying attention to what's happening and my intention almost always is to be of service to that
person so it comes from that place like hey today you look at me like I'm your teacher but I'm I'm just more of a guide for you and my my main intention is to get you the result that you want with the least amount of pain the most direct path that I can
think of and for each person it's a little different sometimes you need to encourage someone you need to support them you need to pour love into them I talk to you about like how I talk to my my son especially when he's much younger to shape him into something and some some children
don't need that at all and you actually have to drag them down because they're getting a little too high on themselves so you don't go into thinking I got one sty got one technique it's hot hot hot for everyone and you can do that no you see that you see it like you
see the the the the G the lack of a better word the gurus online it's like every single situation they're put in it's the same mode and one wonders you know you can't judge a person off of a small snippet like a 20 second 50 second video but you wonder like did that
really help that person did that really help that person or was that Showmanship or was that just entertainment for the fact that there's a camera on them I feel when I'm with you and it's what you're touching on right now and I think this is a very difficult my belief is that this
is a very difficult skill for people unless they tap into this thing that you say which is to let go of themselves in the conversation you really do serve as a mirror for that person for what they need in the moment I think that's why people are so willing to be vulnerable with
you at least in my experience of what I've witnessed because comes across very non-judgmental it comes across as exactly what they need in that moment and you're a really really astute listener it's sometimes scary the playback unless it's just a really long episode or a really long dialogue and I think people in
your presence feel seen heard and acknowledged and understood and it's because you're able to whether it's matching and mirroring listening effectively and you kind of answered it but you didn't for me like I'm not satisfied with the answer just I was like well it's because I'm present and I'm and I'm and I'm
listening and I'm I'm giving them what they need and a way that's the least amount of pain and being helpful have you ever even thought about the techniques you're using in the moment yes I'll tell you okay yeah I'm for efficiency and Effectiveness MH and sometimes unfortunately I skew towards efficiency at the
price of Effectiveness when I hear someone talk and they're asking a question I'm thinking in my mind what is it that you need to hear right now that's going to make you change your mind to change your frame and if I can do that for you quickly then I feel like I've done
my job whether it sticks with you or not because these are fairly entertainment based it's not a long-term client my commitment to you is in this moment I'll give you the best that I got and then in 15 minutes I'm going to move on right so I have to kind of think and
I think if you and I were set up a chess board and you make your first move I'm okay three moves I need to end this game because I don't have that kind of time and it's not going to be a drawn out bat I'm not going to try and teach you how
to play the game while we're playing the game itself mhm okay the first thing is let's let's put this into a practical sense let's ground the com ation a little bit so it's not so abstract I'm often a person that people ask for advice yes AMA fireside chat something like that you know
ask me anything and the first thing that happens is somebody asks a question I refuse to answer the question unless it's properly phrased that's true and so people can feel really uncomfortable and I'm okay that they feel uncomfortable because I'm trying to teach them something that they're not even aware of which is
you're walking through life sleepwalking asking poorly formed questions that are just really lazy and so you don't know what the answer is because the question was poorly formed any answer can work and no answer can work so this is not the way you want to live and I can in good conscience allow
you to continue doing this what I'm trying to do stop you so that you can hopefully learn a lesson and I think in a very small percentage of people they'll learn the lesson the first time in many cases it'll be many many times later that they might learn it it could be years
later when they realize one day when they wake up like oh my God that idiot he said something 3 years ago I now I now know what he meant and now I can apply in my life this is really tricky okay so first you must formulate your question because I do believe that
when a question is properly formed most of the answer is in the question yep I've heard you say that time so I'm cheating a little bit here okay I don't have all the time to get in your family history your cognitive biases your how how you're prejudice against this or that and all
the trauma you've lived through in your life I don't have that kind of time so by asking you to formulate your question clearly you are giving me insight into how you think and what you what I think will be what you want to hear so we start there the next thing is I
make this is weird I assume even if you articulate your question well it's not a real question I also refuse to answer questions that are not real meaning you've asked me a question I don't fully believe that that's really what you're looking for so you show up asking a question because maybe you're
afraid of the real question or you've not pondered deeply enough so this is goes back to the other conversation which is I don't believe that that you can give the right answer to the wrong question right so I assume you don't know how to ask a question you've not thought this through you're
not choosy with your words and it might even be the right question to ask so I need to dig a little bit deeper so we're going to dive a little bit more into the conversation and the questions so I fully understand what it is you want and here's the thing I always tell
you your words betray you they betray your intention they they they are a key to the to the lock in which you're holding you're unmasked by your own words and I'll give you an example the other day somebody jumped in on a role play and they didn't do as well as they hoped
I thought they did fine and then they commented oh I did not perform well and that was a word for me it's like of all the words you chose all the words you chose you chose perform interesting so they're on a stage that's the intention and they thought it was a performance and
so they're more conscientious of how they're performing and what I tell people to do is once you're unmuted turn the phone upside down stop it's just a conversation between you and me and no one else is here but what they see is there's two four 500 600 people in the room and they're
thinking oh my God the amount of judgment that I'm going to have to live with is unbearable so they start to try to sound smarter than they are right they try to get too tricky with me and I could smell that from a mile away and you and I have seen this people
are pretending to be somebody and I was thinking cannot be the real person cuz I've spoken to you before right why are you behaving this way right and without totally like destroying the onstage I I'm like okay I'll work with this but in my mind I'm thinking why would you do this to
yourself yeah so it's always like we think we're showing up to do something other than what we're supposed to do it's you understand that this is so fasc no I'm just I'm going to underline the getting caught up in themselves you know for me the way I hear that without using the same
words is the ego is just consuming you in that moment versus Letting Go detaching being everything and nothing in the moment and just doing what's required of you in the moment yeah and that's what I keep learning from you is this level of presence rather than this level of Performing let's put it
a different way something that a lot of people can relate to let's say someone important to you is in the room that you had expected a celebrity a parental figure a cousin you admire a beautiful person somebody you want to impress and they walk in the room all of a sudden you're I'm
going to be a little different you stiffen up yeah and you start to try to speak in a way that's not you right as soon as you recognize that that change that shift and you know it when it happens so what am I doing get in touch with yourself who am I trying
to impress right now that's good and hit the pause button and I want to give you a tool when you feel like you're acting not of yourself just say I'm sorry got caught up in the moment I need a moment to reset I don't know why people don't use the timeout as often
because in life you had unlimited timeouts just say that you know what I got caught in the moment I've lost my train of thought there's a beautiful person over there that I'm trying not to impress and I'm realize I'm not being myself yeah or my childhood star celebrity is in the room my
hall passes walked in I'm freaking that out guys I'm so sorry let me collect myself and you know what happens when you do that and I believe this to be true and I've tested this in in small groups before when we have a strong emotion especially negative one like fear anxiety jealousy if
we speak that emotion out loud it takes the pressure valve and it just releases some of that pressure right not 100% but it diminishes it greatly if I'm looking at you and I just can't stand you because you're so beautiful I'm like God dang it you're a beautiful handsome man I'm straight but
my God you are a beautiful man all of a sudden it goes away right cuz it no long it's no longer the elf in the room it's like oh it's there do you know what's happening though in your mind you're trying to be in the moment and you're sitting there please don't betray
yourself and you're trying to mask it so half of you is trying to talk the other half is trying to squeeze that thing back down to put the balloon back inside the Box ah so when you say it out loud you're being 100% present you let that go and you're 100% present so
there's this myth that's good that humans can be multitasking and multitasking is a marketing term used to describe computer processors mostly and it was a great term because it was an idea that people could understand you can multitask you can print a document and you can scan one at the same time and
back in the early days the computers like freaking mindblowing what a great I want to buy a multitasking machine but in reality the processor isn't splitting it's dividing you're not getting two 100% you're getting 80% to do this and 20% of that that each time you divide it the processor is slowing down
that's right that's right okay so when you have especially during the early days of 3D rendering and processing you want to quit every program turn everything off so the computer has as much access to the RAM and the CPU or the GPU as possible and they can crunched your files very important if
you have 35 applications open even though they're not active some of it is draining some of the resources that's why they have that CPU monitor you can see the fragmentation alt f4 and then you go to the task like oh this processor is being split across every right and something dumb that you're
doing that you didn't even know is taking up 80% of the power Google Chrome and it's grinding you hear you hear it right we take that word multitasking and humans try to be like computers which makes no sense and you're going to be multitasking human now even in this moment you and I
are talking there's a strong probability that some part of your brain is thinking about some other stuff about work about your family about your life what you going to do tomorrow how you going to pack what are we going to eat are we going to work out tonight and not all of it
is here so the first order of business is to try your best to remove that and part of the ones that will distract you and split your processing power is the desire to perform yes yes it's very natural it's within us and if you think back when you're little munchkin your mom would
drag you out and said oh your uncles and aunts are here Mo sing and dance for us and you're like Mom I don't want to do that but do it Mo and maybe you're a performer you're like yo yo I'm going to drop a beat and everybody goes crazy and you get the
love and adulation and everybody he's so talented Mo and you get praise and as a child you become addicted to that conversely if you have no Talent you're the other brother standing in the corner crying a little bit inside and you say I wish I could be mo I wish I could be
the performer no one asked me to perform so later on in life you're like here's my chance to perform even if it wasn't you you learn that it was coated inside your brain that's how you get the love and the agulation and the opportunity so let's say there's a beautiful woman that walks
in a room that catches your breath and you're like oh you don't want to start acting like a what I consider a deag and you start puffing up you're like oh because you know women want you to do this and act like that Alpha M type like that's those are old ideas probably
perpetuated by media I think people are just looking for real people you know and here's something I've discovered about my life and maybe it's not true ladies tell me in the comments below if this is totally bogus or not the less I tried to impress people the more people are impressed yep the
less I'm available the more people think you're available MH and it's really weird and the less desperate you are the more you're wanted so the first order of business if you want to be attractive is to be okay with yourself and if you can just do that there's a calming energy and it
translates into your face your tone of voice and how you carry yourself that's true and you can just own it and it's a beautiful thing so here's the weird thing dgo was here recently and I was trying to like give him a little fact dough makeover that video is dropping soon trying to
give him a little Fashion Makeover and he was so uncomfortable wearing some of the things I gave him but yet at the same time he's looking at my wardrobe my drip and he's like dude how do I do that I'm like let me loan it to you but he was so uncomfortable with
himself that he could not accept it and his response was Chris am I trying too hard and I said am I trying too hard he goes no you know or I have friends who come by and like hey we we'll go and hang out with the mall or go shopping somewhere and like
oh those glasses these are dope I put them on and my friend's like that's dope well you put them on I said I I can't own that look what does that mean h they've written themselves off that they can't try something what do you think that is Mo I have an assumption and
my goal is to tie it in to communication my assumption is it's difficult for people to let go it's difficult for people and I don't say people from a Ivory Tower standpoint it's difficult to let go because you're naked in that moment you're in in communication especially I feel you have a level
of self assurance where regardless of what's get thrown at you you're going to be able to bounce back because you're listening carefully with fashion you're like I can let go and rebuild or put on and that's okay so you're not scared of this feeling of being naked whether figuratively publicly or like really
like in the scene in communication so with dgo it's like if I let go and put this on it's like is it going to work am I actually is it going to is it going to impress people and this sensation of stripping down to be able to find the parts that work and
then putting it together and coming back clothed in the fashion sense or communication like oh I understand I think that's what's really challenging cuz there's a there's a there's not enough trust in our ability to pull it off that's my that's my assumption big broad strr assumption I have a different explanation Theory
so I'll put it out there for you guys to ponder here's my theory the story that he tells himself is in congruent with the way he sees himself in the mirror m so normally we see ourselves a certain way and the mirror tells us what we want to hear but when we start
to change things and think about it they're just clothes you're not naked so when I start putting a couple things on he's like dude I just I just can't pull it off and truthfully he can't because he's told himself he can't pull and so now he can't walk in fully realized and comfortable
with who he is then the clothes don't even matter right like I walk around now with pseudo wide flare pant leg skirts and people are like dude dope fashion and and everybody like yo I can't pull it off I'm like I know you can't pull it off because you don't have the same
level of self-acceptance and exploration you're not an adventurer as I am the minute you are you're ready to go I'm telling you I'm telling you if you are listening carefully to this conversation I know we've had multiple sidebars this sense of adventure is the is the whole thing because this episodes about communication
it's the whole thing you are not you are not scared to go there I'm not you're not scared to be curious and remember you I've been hearing you say this a lot lately it's like mo why why are people thinking that I'm being abrasive when I'm just asking a question because they won't
go there they won't test that Curiosity they won't lean in whether it's with a client or with a partner or with a friend and be like what's the reason you asked me that why did you use that word performing cuz they're like is that combative and this is societal conditioning right we talked
about it before me and you it's like Mo do you want to be honest or do you want to be polite and I would default to polite because that's my condition with you it's just like you don't emotionally label what you're adventuring in the dialogue or what you're adventuring in your fashion now
cuz you've had some eclectic Concepts that you rock really well and I think you rock them really well because you're like a blank slate and you're welcoming to rock it really well so when you show up it's like oh it makes sense and we all feel that energy that vibe that you that
you portray or that you give it's like the outfit may not even I'm not saying your outfits don't look good the outfit may not even look that good but your aura in the outfit because you're so accepting of it makes the outfit look good you you nailed that one on the head not
my outfits always look good no I'm just kidding I knew you was going to say that it's like do you wear the clothes or the clothes wear you mhm and the person who's self-realized and full of self-acceptance and understands that I'm nothing in everything and I'm willing to try anything and it's okay
then whatever they put on maybe aesthetically it's not the right Vibe but they're willing to try yes and what I do all the time that's huge the willing to try the willingness to try what I do all the time is I buy something and the first thing I do is I wear it
right away if possible I wear it right away my wife said what are you doing I need to see how this feels I need to kind of get a sense for the materials and and what works and what doesn't and granted if you spot me on one of those days like dude that
ain't ain't working I'm like well that's up to you to say you know what's working for me is I need to try it I need to sort it out I need to make it work and I will try something over and over again knowing I haven't nailed it and then eventually I find
the right thing and it's like no I figured it out I figured out how to do the Rubik's Cube so it would line up you know there's this I'll say I have a pretty awesome cardigan knit sweater that's really brilliant blue without dropping the label and I couldn't figure out how to wear
it I just could I would wear it I'm like this is wrong but I still wear it I go out in public later I'm like it's not working it's not working and then eventually you find the combination works and it's like you find two notes and you find a chord that works on
music and you're like oo that's a that's a beat that there's something going on there now I know how to use that and it takes an a willingness to try something to fail to create a disastrous piece of fashion that's just going too far I'm not going to go there but let's say
I go all the way to the extreme mhm I know how to bring it back mhm and so I remember Simon Johnson type one third semester at artser 1993 he says when we explore design people tend to move here here here here here why don't we go from here to here then we
know what the boundaries look like and we can walk back it's like leaving home traveling and then coming back that's how I understood it at least or or or try this color that you've never used and that color and now you know those won't work and you can go here and here try
this time face try that layout try this influence try that texture try it it's because it's uncomfortable here's what happens and our our mutual friend in common dgo he's like Chris I'm working my way there so I'm going to upgrade so he's taking the safe route to make small steps like d just
go for it I'm telling you you can do it but he don't believe in me he don't he doesn't believe in me just enough because the story inside is not ready to received the cloth yet it I mean everyone's on their own Journey for sure he took a picture of and he sent
it to a bunch of his friends I'm like why would you do that he goes well I need another opinion I'm like do you think their opinion is better than my opinion do they pay more attention to this than I do are they here in the store with you so that's a sign
that we're not ready well he's probably seeking validation 100% that's what he's doing but who is he asking validation from if he's calling calling Jean Paul ta if he's calling I don't know Georgio Armani and asking for some help right okay I get it I ain't nothing calling Hollywood stylist I got you
you're right do your thing he's calling girlfriends and he's calling friends and he's calling his sister they're okay but like yo I know what I'm doing you know what I'm saying it's like let's say you put together a banger video for your client I'm sending it to you this is it and your
client's like well Mo I need to ask my cousin my husband I'm pissed I'm immediately pissed oh I'm sorry they make video for a living is that what they what are you doing so that's just saying I'm scared I'm scared to say no to you so I'm going to find another way to
say no to you and I use this too but I know what I'm doing so when when somebody's trying to pressure me it's like let me check in with my wife it's a polite way to say no I'm not ready for you right now leave me alone it's a back door no it's
back door no MH mhm cuz I didn't feel like telling me no in the spot so these are all kinds of things we can explore so we can explore our words or tonality we need to that we need to vary the speed now my default is going to be FMJ voice slow methodical
thoughtful and I want to bring it slower and slower so here's the thing you and I have seen this we've witnessed this many times with many different people somebody gets asked a question and there's zero gap between the question and the answer instant now maybe you're a genius and you have all the
answers and you've seen all of this before and Hallelujah God bless you everything's good and the reason why the reason why they say this so quickly is because they feel they have to perform that they have all the answers that by pausing he creates doubt yes yes but you know what I notice
this if you ask me a question I pause I reflect I would venture to Guess that everybody watching including yourself was like this guy's really giving it careful consideration whatever's going to come out of his mouth next must be good it wasn't a knee-jerk response and I I always tell people be careful
kneejerk response because the word jerk is a knee-jerk slow it down the thing that you want is respect is to be taken seriously to be seen as professional just slow it down you'll get there we're going to land this plane in just a second my understanding of all this is a level of
wherewithal to be okay with falling being okay with experimenting I know that this is not something that came to you overnight I have seen you and I've I believe we've known each other now six years I've seen your Evolution as a podcast host I've seen your Evolution as a YouTuber I've seen your
evolution in your own fashion right and maybe if you're constantly watching Chris or you're watching the YouTube channel it's like when you're losing weight you're usually the last person to realize you've lost so much cuz you're seeing yourself in the mirror always but if you take a 30,000 foot View and you look
at him now compared to video number one there is an evolution and if you are listening to this watching this and are thinking man I'm really struggling with my communication I think the biggest lesson that I've learned from him and as a person who understands communication is this okayness to play and letting
go and being everything and nothing at the same time and it's going to be scary because it's the opposite of what we're conditioned to do everyone that wants to become not everyone majority of people that want to become good communicators they want it to feel so polished like they go from they want
to go from zero to 100 the the problem is when you watched really polish speaker we were at an event you and I and we just we ask ourselves who was the best speaker whatever whatever and nine times out of 10 the person who we can tell that it was a canned speech
right doesn't resonate with us and the reason why is because there's the way I Define it is there's no soul and you can't really connect so for you to be able to get to the depths and the trenches of having soul in your communication is to let go and be okay with where
it goes when someone is is more concerned about sounding smart than being a smart we can smell it a mile away mile away so what's happening is there's a pre-record talk track that floats above them and when you ask somebody a question they're physically here it seems like they're here but they're more
interested in pulling one of these set talk tracks and they're going to respond to you and then what we I'm going to use a fancy word in a second and then what we feel is like wait did I ask that question I have to search my own memory like I don't believe I've
asked you that question I didn't ask you where you ate or what you thought about marriage I didn't even ask you that but yet here we are yeah so there's a term it's called cognitive dissonance cognitive of the brain dissonant mean discordant not matching up not lining up I'm questioning myself right now
I'm like you're inadvertently gaslighting me because I'm like did I even ask that question have I lost my mind and then while you're giving me a gibberish answer or whatever it is you're doing I'm sitting there thinking wait a minute my memory is not that bad I did ask this so okay so
you're more interested in sounding smart than being smart and being a smart person is just being present being here listening and responding being humble enough to say I don't have a good answer for that I'm curious why you ask that question and you and I have done this before and the internet goes
crazy whenever we do our role plays which means we have to do a role play but they're they're like why does MO give in why does he not fight Chris more and we tried many timesed y bro I can't it just makes too much sense to argue with you at this point okay
and the reason is and we've tried many times we we actually did this last night with no cameras rolling and I'm like hit me with something and I did and you just stopped I'm like dude I can't stay in it so I have a vehicle I have a technique maybe it's more like
a keto I can just embrace you or Judo and just like throw you on the ground and you're like everything you try to come out with me it's not going to be a tool I'm going to let you use mhm so you want to call me a liar cheat I'm like well and
I can flip that on you and then all of a sudden what are you going to do when I said before it takes two to tango I refuse to dance the dance that you want me to dance especially when it's not conducive to for both of us mhm cuz your goal and intention
is to help somebody with the least amount of pain yeah to be super Surgical and precise tactical and come in and say you know what if I hit this this and that your pain will go away what is it the equalizer when he grabs his hand and he presses on like this part
of the thumb and the guy just his whole body folds yeah or P May the 12 point strike of death the heart exploding heart technique and your heart explodes in 30 seconds you just reminded me of something really quickly I know I know we're trying to WAP but I'm I'm nerding out on
this think about when you watch an AI video now ai is getting better and better but you can watch a video of a human being that maybe is manipulated by AI if it's you know they these apps that now allow your side eye to go forward and whatnot there's something called The Uncanny
Valley where you know it's like it's not human right isn't that the term uncanny valley The Uncanny Valley is when there's synthetic things that are almost human but there's coldness in it you can tell it's not human beautiful thank you for that definition try to avoid being that in your comms because other
people can sense it that's what when you said like when you said Being Human being present I think that the artificial communication feels like an uncan you're like it it looks good it sounds good but it doesn't pass the human something's not human here it's not right and at the end of the
day with communication he he called it signal transmission receiver there's a messenger there's a receiver and there's a message if everything does not coexist together in a way that flows we can sense that and we tune out last thing wait I have something I want to we're not going to stop we're just
just going 3our we stop I don't want to cite the source because it's questionable but this gentleman who's like a spiritual leader was asked a question there was a line of people asking a question I went to an event with my wife and someone said told him a story and said hey it's
so difficult to be myself in a situation like this and he goes it's difficult to be yourself I'm like oh here it comes this is what I would say he goes the easiest thing to do is to be yourself you don't have to have courage to be yourself it takes effort to not
be yourself so don't use that language please so so when we say why doesn't that person be human when the easiest thing is just to be human to be you again we feel by our own design and machination is that the word machination that we'll take it we feel like we're being pulled
in a lot of different directions when no one's pulling your strings and you are yourself creating an invisible Puppet Master to pull your string so you're like I need to say this I need to sound this way and I have to hit these points when you know what you don't and here's what
I like I like our conversations but I also like like people who are these deeper more Soulful people who can recognize what it is that I'm doing and they're fascinated by they ask me these deeper questions versus like how do I price something or how do I generate leads which I can do
which I'm happy to do I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that but it's not that often I get to do a deeper intellectual dance and be more spiritual and Soulful and a conversation so I encourage everybody as you're communicating with your friends and your colleagues and your clients try to go a
little bit deeper see if you can connect with them on maybe not 10 layers deeper but just one or two layers deeper and you'll see what happens the Rapport will change your connection with them will change how you feel about yourself how they feel about you will change yes and it goes back
to this thing if you don't want to change anything and you like where you're going then don't change anything if it's working for you just keep doing it when you are having conversations and you're going deep and you're asking these questions and sometimes you're in the position of a coach where you're having
to help people and you're having to help them identify the things that they might be doing wrong it's always so non-judgmental down to the the word choice you're using down to the tonality how are you able to make sure that even the selection of words that you're using sounds so neutral you C
you told me it's called objective neutrality it's just non-judgmental so how how's how's it become so easy for you to do this how is it because even like actually we'll go here real quick yesterday I showed you something I wrote and posted online my intention behind it was a note to self because
I'm going through my own self- Evolution and the opening line was please stop posing it's way too exhausting you have no one to impress you have uh nothing to prove you as you are uh your value is innate regardless and there was something based on the comments that I were getting I got
some comments I was like hey Chris what do you think about this post and you were like well that opening line mode it's kind of judgmental well hold on you didn't tell the story super accurately so I'm going to do it go ahead go ahead tell the story super accurately then I think
you were getting a little hot under the collar because of the feedback that you're getting so you told me to read the feedback so I had to read the feedback and your post and now I'm saying sender receiver signal something is off clearly something is off and I first was reading the feedback
that you got and I think it's a woman and the woman actually had Fairly neutral points to make and say hey I don't necessarily agree with this there are times when you want this and this and that M and I thought it wasn't like this vitriolic Mo you're an idiot so I was
like here's a calm rational woman giving you pretty sound feedback but for some reason you couldn't process them that way right you're like did I do something wrong I'm like well wrong is a judgment let's move remove that what is your intention of writing this and then I was trying to map your
intention with what you wrote it took us a couple of stabs before we got there but ultimately he said you know what this was a message for myself MH so he said why don't you write that in there this is a reminder to myself note to self or I just need to remind
myself of this thing MH and there's a word in there that was triggering for some people posing posing and say what does posing mean why why did you use that word of all words and sometimes posing can be good so why and clearly here we only see the world through our lens and
we phrase it in our state of mind so we are confused when people have a negative response and I said you know here's one way you can write cuz you asked me help me phrase this better and I I tried and you go but then ain't good for the algorithm I said well
what was your intention right so there's a conflict there well if you want to write a post for conflict and attention you got it mission accomplished but if your intention was to write something as a form of public journaling as way of self-healing well you might find another way of saying that versus
the way you said it and then that led me down the analysis of wow this is actually my still parts of my self like me saying please stop posing that's what that is literally what I'm saying to myself so tying that back in to the question of like and we did that exercise
and you're like Mo what is the intention what do you want to get out of this what what is what is your hope and I and I me and him always do this dance where I'm resisting a little bit and that's a little bit of how I learn and I said but Chris
that's how I'm talking to myself right now right let me put this part in the story which I think will be interesting for audience to hear which is I said how would you say in a way that's less judging mhm and you're like I can't find I can't think of another way there's
no other way I said well and this is where my brain goes into MH and then what I do is I map what you say to how I would talk to myself or instances that I figure out the angle was I said well how would you say it this to your son yes
that was the breaking point I would say the same way so you'd run over and say hey Aline stop posing and you're like nothing wrong you're nothing wrong I said do you think he would interpret as nothing wrong yep so even still you could not see it from another perspective for your own
I had to kind of semi force you to say like now put yourself in his brain Papa said stop posing do you think that's a statement of Love judgment criticism judgement and then you finally got it and it took a little while to get there because you're holding on to your frame mhm
when we change the frame we can see things from a different perspective that's what we're doing and you can then see if it's rational for you to conclude the same conclusion and what I'm telling you to do is whenever you have a thought whether you're speaking or writing making a video try to
look at what you're about to say from as many different angles as possible to make sure they're all in alignment and if something is off change the phrasing change the tonality if you care if you don't care don't worry about it CU sometimes I don't care either I'll just say whatever I want
because I want to be bombastic but I'm clear that's what I want to that's my intention yeah and that's okay too and that's what you're doing in real time as well when you're communicating with others to get non-judgmental where it's very neutral yeah what is my intention here what does this person need
right what is the best way to communicate it and then you're being very intentional and selective of the words that you use which is going back to the beginning of this conversation which is be mindful of your word choice because your words become your thoughts become your beliefs and then translate into your
actions and I'm reading who you had on the show the book by Cynthia C communicate like a Buddhist and her first rule is like is what I'm saying kind is what I'm about about to say true and am I making sure that it's helpful and I think that for selft talk intrapersonal communication
and for interpersonal communication those are great filters to use before you enter into the dialogue all right I feel very satiated I feel satisfied is there anything you want to leave the audience with before we wrap up when we talk about words or people or styles of communication that Delight you discuss you
well it's pretty clear I talked a little bit about the the types of language that discuss me that are full of judgment that are opinion based feeling based and not evidence based and then I'm also delighted by people who are Master communicators and there's a couple people out there when you watch them
you're like oh my God I got miles to go on this journey yeah and the way that they phrase things I I use the the the term phraseology and I believe that's a thing or word smithing the way they're able to craft complex ideas in the simplest way to understand and using words
not because they sound good but because they're the exactly the right word to use I'm impressed by that and I want to study that and we were on a webinar yesterday to talk about one of my programs and we talk about modeling so what I do is I listen to them over and
over again and I start to speak like them I'm going to try to do it just like them their Cadence their flow their pregnant pauses and I'm listening to a Kimbo with Seth Goden and he has a very specific way of speaking that I'm like wow this is pretty cool it might not
be something that I want to do but it's something he does really well and you know you'll start to notice that Chris is speaking differently now and what's going on so I'm just trying to reveal to you the source code the influence the pools of the levers and I'm going to try it
for a while because I want to expand the range and that's really important to me lastly we were listening to a Moth Radio Hour episode and there were two speakers from Kentucky it was so good and we were listening to you're like oh my God this guy was telling such a great story
and it's not often I'm like Mo you need to listen to this and we listen to it the reason why I wanted you to listen to it was so that you had a potential someone to model after because you have certain skills and gifts that I don't think you're fully utilizing and this
person has such a strong Kentucky accent and was describing something that I think oh this is a white boy from Kentucky and we're listening over and over again I'm and I'm telling you there are things in the Cadence and the flow true that I only hear from black people there was a kind
of Slam poetry quality a Cadence the phrasing the speaking in threes that was so masterful I said and I hope nobody takes this as being Prejudice or racist but I was like I was admiring the way that they spoke because broad blanket statement here different cultures speak different ways true and as I'm
observant to it of course there are anomalies and and people don't fit in that mold but I was picking up something I said Mo I think this is a black person and we're thrown off by this strong Kentucky accent yeah and you're like Chris I bet everything is a white person yeah I
was like it's a white what you say I was like what were the words you said though I'm like and you made me doubt myself man I genuinely thought that was a white man yeah but what you say though you said something like I bet just there's no way this is a black
man yeah something like dog I'm betting everything this is a this is a white guy yes you said that which made me for a split second doubt myself because I know you grew up you grow you've grown up in Black Culture black communities black communi you the language and I'm like so I'm
like let me just double check and you're like there it is and I even played a video clip you I told you was a white guy and I'm like here's your white guy right here Mo yeah no I fumbled that one own that one I just want to say this why is this
even worth us talking about besides Mo fumbling jump in the bag I I I knew that's why I brought that level of detail to the story keep going why is this we talked about range yes yes yes so it's unremarkable if someone from a culture speaks the way their culture speaks whether it's
black white asian Hispanic Native American whatever it is and we're like yeah you sound like an Irish person you sound like a German typical nothing unique about that but when someone is able to span two different cultures that's so true it jumps out in ways that we can't even understand and I was
listening these guys speak with that Kentucky accent which I don't hear often but that Lou too not just that like that that Kentucky Kentucky you know he said something and the flow and I'm like and it very subtle in the way he did it the phrasing and the intonation he goes there could
have been 10 bats 100 bats before I know there could have been a thousand bats it was Pitch Black it was blacker than black it was this thing and I'm like o this guy like doing bars right now with us spoken word is what it felt like and he would take three short
breaths and say something short breaths and say something and it was just beautiful you better believe I'm going to be studying that because I want to understand when where and how to use that that's another tool that's another Crown in the vocal box in the Cadence and the style and I'm I want
to be a student of life to observe things and then to borrow things and use them as I will so one day you look up and you're like whoa what's going on and you were you and I we were talking about Matt R yeah I said the ladies love him even though he
gives them plenty of reasons not to love him yeah and I said he's not a comedian he's an actor yeah his stage presence is really good how he plays like all or we're going to get some dirty stuff done tonight he knows how to hit them the the the poses and the innocent
flirtatious eyes he can pull it off I'm studying bro I'm Not Innocent Matt rif goodlooking chisel jaw dimple blueeyed mother eer I'm not but I'm learning yeah and you know what I was in Canada doing a workshop in in Vancouver and I said something I gave him a look like or you could
do that I gave him a look and I could hear the girls giggling I'm like I got it Mo I got it it worked I tested it oh man trying do R so you see what I'm saying yeah and then I saw the Kevin Hart concert film when he walks out and he's
doing an exaggerated walk sometimes I'll walk out like that too I want to borrow from this why wouldn't we so the reason why I think is we don't give ourselves permission yes to explore something that's outside and then you know what somebody's going to say who does do think he is does he
think he's a cute young white boy does he think he's a smart black man like I'm whatever I want to be in the moment that I am I'm nothing and I'm everything at the same time I love it
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“My words are a translation of my thinking.”
— Chris Do
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