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    COMMUNICATION
    Podcast 1h 32m 13 min read 5,617

    Speak Clearly, Gain Respect: The Confident Speaker's Framework

    Chris Do and communications expert Jefferson Fischer reveal how to speak with confidence, command respect, and ensure your words reflect your true intent.

    Chris Do

    Chris Do

    Founder, The Futur™ · January 24, 2026

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    Your Words Are Your Legacy

    People only experience you based on what comes out of your mouth. They will judge everything about you, from your intellect to your integrity, based on those tiny moments of interaction. This is the stark reality of communication, and it’s a problem Chris Do sought to solve for his audience in a recent podcast conversation with Jefferson Fischer, a fifth-generation trial attorney and communication expert who has amassed over seven million followers across social media by teaching people how to speak with clarity and confidence.

    “What you say is who you are,” Fischer states simply. Your words are not just sounds. They are the building blocks of your reputation, the currency of your relationships, and the tools with which you construct your reality. You say funny things, you are a funny person. You say kind things, you are a kind person. The reverse is also true.

    Most people drift through conversations on autopilot, reacting instead of responding, stumbling into arguments and misunderstandings. They believe communication skill is an innate talent, a gift bestowed upon a lucky few. This is false. Confident communication is a learnable skill, a framework that can be studied and mastered.

    It’s not about finding the perfect script or adopting a fake persona. It’s about understanding the deep connection between your inner state and your outward expression. It begins not with what you say, but when and how you say it.

    The Tyranny of Bad Timing

    The first rule of better communication is to control the environment. Bad conversations rarely happen because of the topic. They happen because of the timing.

    Fischer warns against rushing conversations, comparing it to the cartoon quicksand of our childhood imagination. “Whenever you find that you are being rushed in your conversation, bad things can happen,” he says. This rush leads to assumptions, bad feelings, and unproductive arguments.

    We’ve all been there. Your partner rolls over just as you’re drifting off to sleep and says, “Hey, so I’ve been thinking about this thing.” A colleague catches you in the hallway and asks, “Do you have five minutes?” knowing full well it will be thirty.

    Fischer has a potent diagnosis for this phenomenon. We wait until we have 10% of our battery for 100% of a conversation. When your energy is depleted, you cannot engage thoughtfully. You are landing your mental airplane for the day, and someone is asking you to take off again. The result is almost always a crash.

    Do admits to being guilty on both sides. He procrastinates on difficult conversations with his wife until the last possible second, creating unnecessary pressure. And he’s also been on the receiving end of a late-night talk when he’s completely exhausted. So, what is the solution?

    If someone approaches you at a bad time, your instinct might be to snap, “Do we really have to talk about this right now?” This is the worst possible response. It dismisses their feelings and makes them feel alone in their concern. Instead, Fischer advises you to make it enticing for them to postpone.

    Frame the delay as a benefit to them and the conversation. You might say, “If we can have this tomorrow, I’m going to be much more aware and focused. If I talk to you right now, I know I’m not going to be my full self.” No reasonable person will reject that offer. They don’t want a depleted, unfocused version of you.

    Another powerful tool is to state your own internal reality with clarity. Start with the phrase, “I can tell.” This forces self-awareness and communicates your state without blame.

    • “I can tell I am way too tired for this right now.”
    • “I can tell I’m not prepared for this conversation.”
    • “I can tell I’m feeling off and won’t be able to give this the attention it deserves.”

    On the flip side, if you are the one who needs to initiate a difficult conversation, you must not ambush the other person. You have been mulling this over all day; they are hearing about it for the first time. The responsible approach is to schedule it.

    It may feel inorganic, but as Do notes, we schedule everything else in our lives. Why not the most important conversations? Fischer suggests checking the other person’s capacity. “What’s your capacity for a conversation about what we have coming up next week?” Or more simply, “Hey, at some point I need to talk with you about the kids’ schedule. When is best to do that?”

    This simple act of asking for permission respects their time and energy, setting the stage for a productive dialogue instead of a defensive battle.

    The Power of the Pause

    When Do asks Fischer his opening question, he observes something critical. Fischer pauses. He takes a moment to think before he speaks. This is not dead air; it is a sign of immense control and confidence. Many people, especially verbal processors, feel an anxious need to fill the silence immediately. They vomit out their ideas, hoping to find a coherent thought along the way.

    A confident communicator does the opposite. They walk, they don’t run, in conversation. Fischer’s method is simple and profound. Make your breath the first word that you say.

    This single, deliberate breath does two things simultaneously. First, it regulates your body, calms your nervous system, and keeps you in control of your emotions. Second, it signals to the other person that you have heard them and are giving their question genuine consideration. It elevates the perceived value of your response before you’ve even uttered a word.

    Imagine the difference. Someone asks how your day was.

    • The Rushed Response: “It was good. It was good, Chris. It was fine. It was a good day.” The words are there, but they feel hollow, reflexive, and dismissive.
    • The Considered Response: (Pause. Breath.) “You know, Chris, it was good. It was a good day. Ups and downs, but it was good.” The same essential message, but the delivery lends it weight and sincerity.

    This technique is a cornerstone of high-stakes communication, especially in job interviews or legal settings. “The slower you answer the question, the better the interview will be,” Fischer insists. Answering too quickly signals anxiety. Taking a beat exudes composure. It shows that you can handle pressure, that you are in command of yourself and the situation. This principle is a key part of learning how to listen effectively and respond with intent.

    Fischer recalls teaching this to clients preparing for a deposition. He would tell them to silently count “one Mississippi” in their head before answering any question. It’s a simple mechanical trick to break the ingrained habit of immediate reaction. It places you, not the questioner, in control of the timeline.

    This sense of calm was modeled for him his entire life. As a fifth-generation trial attorney, he was raised on the Socratic method, a form of dialogue that uses questioning to stimulate critical thinking. If he came to his father with a problem, his dad would respond with a slow, measured tone, “Yep, that’s a problem.” Even if Fischer was frantic, his father would simply take a beat and say, “Yep, I guess they’ll be upset.”

    This composure is contagious. By slowing down your words and lowering your volume, you fundamentally change the energy of an interaction. You project authority and balance. Compare the aggressive, “Look, Chris, I already told you I’m not going to do that!” with the calm, quiet, “Chris, I already told you I’m not going to do that.” The second person is the one you don’t want to mess with. They are less emotional, more grounded, and infinitely more powerful.

    Forging Composure Under Pressure

    Knowing the principle is one thing. Applying it under fire is another. Do presses Fischer on what happens when a client, despite all the training, gets on the stand and loses their composure.

    It happens all the time. Fischer shares a story about a client in a deposition who, despite being prepped, began anxiously stepping on the opposing attorney’s questions. He was answering before the questions were even finished. This creates a messy legal record and signals weakness.

    Fischer’s response is a masterclass in redirection. He didn’t pull the client out and scold him. Yelling “Stop stepping on the question!” would only amplify the client’s anxiety. Instead, he called for a five-minute break and executed a brilliant reset maneuver.

    Here is his process:

    • Break the State: He got the client out of the tense deposition room. “Hey, just walk with me,” he said, acting nonchalant while unwrapping a peppermint. The simple physical action of walking and the casual offer of a mint began to break the pattern of stress.
    • Change the Context: He sat the client down and asked a completely unrelated, low-stakes question. “So, um, how old are your kids again?” This shifted the client’s focus away from the source of his anxiety.
    • Model the Desired Pace: Fischer continued with easy, conversational questions about a movie the client saw with his kids. “Was it good?” Forced to recall a pleasant memory, the client naturally slowed down, his breathing changed, and his tone became more relaxed.
    • Make the Connection: Once the client was calm and speaking at a normal pace, Fischer made the link. “Good. All right. You see what we’re doing here?” The client immediately understood. “Ah, I’m stepping on it, aren’t I?” Fischer confirmed, “Yep, that’s exactly what you’re doing. Let’s go back and treat it just like you’re talking to me right here.”

    The client had to feel the calm state in his own body to understand it. Fischer didn’t just tell him what to do; he guided him back into the right state of being. He calls this getting the client “in the pocket.” This approach is far more effective than intellectual instruction, a lesson that applies far beyond the courtroom, particularly in high-pressure situations like sales calls or negotiations.

    This is the core of masterful coaching. You don’t just correct the behavior. You change the state from which the behavior originates.

    The Authenticity Imperative

    Is there a universal style of communication? Fischer argues that, while context matters, your baseline should be the way you talk to a good friend. You should strive to make everyone feel comfortable around you, whether you’re giving a keynote speech or being grilled in a deposition. The best compliment a public speaker can receive is, “You seem so comfortable up there.”

    This comfort comes from having nothing to prove. When you are genuinely excited to share your message for the benefit of others, you can be generous with your words. But the moment you start performing, people know. Juries know. Audiences know. We have a highly-tuned sixth sense for authenticity.

    “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a jury totally turn on somebody’s case if they thought that they were being somebody that they’re not,” Fischer cautions. This ability to sniff out fakeness seems to be part of our primal survival instinct. Something just doesn’t smell right.

    Fischer identifies several red flags of inauthenticity:

    • Over-Complimenting: Gushing praise that feels disproportionate and superficial. It’s an attempt to buy connection, but it feels hollow.
    • Name-Dropping: People who feel the need to mention their proximity to powerful or famous individuals are signaling their own insecurity. They are trying to borrow status instead of owning their own.
    • Needing the Last Word: In meetings, the person who always has to add their two cents is often the one furthest from the actual decision-making. They mistake talking time for value.

    Do relates this to his experience with “alpha bros” who puff up their chests at social gatherings. He sees through the bravado to the insecure junior high kid underneath, the one who was never at the cool table. The more they try to prove their worth, the more distasteful it becomes. Fischer’s advice for handling these situations is filled with grace. “Just be impressed,” he suggests. Instead of outdoing them or dismissing them, see the insecure child and offer genuine validation. A simple, heartfelt, “Wow, that’s awesome, man. Congratulations,” can disarm the posturing and create a real connection. This is a core tenet of building an authentic personal brand.

    The root of authentic communication lies in a simple, dirty secret that Do shares from his own sales experience. When asked how he projects so much that he cares, he replies, “I’ll tell you right now, I actually care.”

    Your thoughts betray you. If your true intention is to extract money from someone, no communication tactic can fully mask that insincerity. You aren’t that good an actor. Few people are.

    What You Say is Who You Are

    This leads to the central, unshakeable thesis of Fischer’s philosophy: what you say is who you are.

    “People only experience you based on what comes out of your mouth,” he reiterates. “They base their entire perception of you, your entire reputation, all anybody will ever talk about you...is simply what you say.” The logic is brutally direct. If you use kind words, you are a kind person. If you use rude words, you are a rude person.

    This is not a condemnation; it is an incredible opportunity. If you wish you were different, more respected, more liked, the power is entirely within your control. You don’t need new software or better lighting. “If you want a better life, you first have to use better words,” Fischer declares. Start by envisioning the person you want to be in 20 years. How does that person talk? Start using that vocabulary now.

    But can you truly reprogram yourself by changing your words first? Do poses the critical question: can an unkind person become kind simply by using kind words? Fischer believes it is possible, but only if the desire for change is genuine. If you are merely a “fox in the hen house,” wearing a disguise to manipulate others, the truth will always shine through.

    The infamous downfall of Ellen DeGeneres serves as a stark case study. For decades, her public persona was built on the mantra “Be Kind.” Yet, a 2020 BuzzFeed News exposé revealed numerous allegations of a toxic work environment behind the scenes. The public-facing kindness was, allegedly, a performance. Once that perception shattered, her brand crumbled. Fischer’s analysis is that this external disconnect is almost always a reflection of an internal one. “The person you see is not the person you’re talking to,” he explains. She wasn’t true to her audience because she likely wasn’t being true to herself.

    We are all products of a lifetime of experiences that others cannot see. The issue is rarely the issue. An explosive reaction to a minor inconvenience is often the culmination of a bad day, or even a bad life, that had nothing to do with you. This is where a crucial mindset shift comes in. Fischer teaches the use of a simple word to create space for grace: “maybe.”

    When someone cuts you off in traffic, instead of reacting with anger, you can think, “Maybe they have to get there faster than I do.” When a colleague is curt, “Maybe they’re having a bad day. Maybe they’re hungry. Maybe they’re scared.” This “maybe mindset,” as Fischer calls it, is freeing. It detaches you from taking everything personally and allows you to operate from a place of generosity rather than victimhood, a key to overcoming the scarcity mindset.

    The Architect of the Conversation

    The final layer of communication mastery is learning to architect the conversation itself. This is especially critical when dealing with disagreeable people, those who have tied their identity to the need to be right.

    The amateur approach is to confront the person directly. The master’s approach is to reframe the environment. Fischer’s most powerful technique is this: prime the room, not the person.

    Instead of creating a confrontation, you establish shared rules of engagement that apply to everyone. This subtle shift is the difference between accusation and collaboration.

    Consider the two approaches for starting a difficult one-on-one meeting:

    • Defining the Person (Bad): “Chris, I need you to be honest with me. If you disagree, feel free to say whatever.” This is immediately confrontational. It implies you don’t trust Chris to be honest on his own. It puts him on the defensive.
    • Defining the Space (Good): “I want to make sure this is a room where we can be totally transparent with each other.” This is inclusive. The rule applies to both of you. It invites collaboration and creates what Fischer calls a “sacred space” for honest dialogue.

    By defining the room, you are implicitly stating your own commitment to transparency and inviting the other person to join you in that commitment. It’s a non-threatening invitation that gets buy-in without demanding it. As Do notes, it seems like you’re saying the same thing, but the feeling is completely different.

    This technique scales. When speaking to a large audience, you can create the same intimacy. Fischer suggests opening a talk by asking, “Can we agree that this is a space where we can be real for a second?” The entire audience will nod. In that moment, they have given you permission to be direct, to speak from the heart. They feel they are getting an exclusive, unfiltered version of you because you collectively defined the terms of engagement.

    You have set the stage. You are no longer just a speaker talking at them; you are a facilitator in a room where realness is the agreed-upon currency.

    This is the ultimate expression of control in communication. You are not just choosing your words; you are designing the very container in which those words are shared. You are the architect.

    The power to command respect, to build trust, and to connect authentically is not a mystery. It begins with the conscious choice to control the timing, the pace, and the framing of your conversations.

    Ultimately, it all comes back to one truth. What you say is who you are. Choose your words, and you choose your legacy.

    TRANSCRIPT

    People only experience you based on what comes out of your mouth and they will judge everything about you. >> People ask me this all the time, so I'm going to have you do all the heavy lifting here. How does one become so good at communication? >> What they need to do is make the first word that they say. If you're somebody right now listening and you feel like, I wish I was different. I wish I was more respected. You can do it. You have to use better words. What you say is who you are. All you need to do is >> My guest on today's podcast is Jefferson Fischer, who's been able to grow millions of followers on social media, over six million on Instagram, and 1.4 on Tik Tok. He is the communications expert, and he's a fifth generation attorney. And on today's episode, he's going to answer this question that you all have on your mind, which is, how do you become a better communicator? How do you find the words and the tone to communicate your true intention? I just want to take a second to acknowledge the thousand plus members who support this channel. You make all of this possible. You allow us to keep doing what we do and for that I'm incredibly grateful. So, if you can do me a big favor, consider joining, becoming a member, and supporting us in our educational endeavors. Hit the link below. See you on the inside. My story with you begins with a friend and he's his name is Mo and Mo's like, "You got to check this guy out." >> And he sends me one of your clips. I think it's Tik Tok originally, but maybe it was Instagram. I can't remember. >> This is like a little over a year ago. And I'm watching you deliver >> something in the car, which is I think super hard to do. >> Just you I imagine you holding your iPhone or something and recording >> and I'm blown away by your communication skills >> and how warm and earnest you are and how applicable the things that you say are. So, I'm thrilled to have this conversation with you because I think you're going to help me solve a big problem that I have. People ask me this all the time, so I'm going to have you do all the heavy lifting here. How does one become so good at communication? >> If you want to be better at communication, you first have to understand that it can only happen on your time, like in your timing. People will often try to rush conversations. They'll rush issues. A lot of the times that leads to arguments, leads to disagreements, it leads to bad feelings, it leads to assumptions. So when you rush conversation, it kind of presents this quicksand. Not the kind of quicksand that exists now. I'm talking about like when you're a kid, the quicksand that you think was just everywhere and you're always just, you know, step one foot in it and you you disappear completely. Um, whenever you find that you are being rushed in your conversation, bad things can happen. Have you ever been in a conversation with somebody and they're like, "Hey, do you have five minutes?" And you go, "Yeah, sure." And it's it's rarely if ever five minutes or if somebody is trying to question you about something and they want your opinion right then. That conversation right now, it's a bad time. you're having it over dinner when it should be a good time or you're you're right about to go to sleep and your spouse rolls over and goes, "Hey, so I've been thinking about this thing." And they drop it like right before you're like closing your eyes like, "Hey, what what's going on?" So, we often find that we wait until we have 10% of our battery for 100% of a conversation. And when you have that disproportionality, bad things can happen. Okay, I'm feeling every word that you're saying right now for a number of different reasons. Let's talk about the one where you're about to get into bed and your partner, your spouse is like, "I need to talk to you about this thing." Now, I've been guilty on both sides here. So, number one, I think as a man, I often don't want to bring up mostly just with my wife, >> like difficult conversations. I keep punting it down until it's like there's no more time left. Let's say um somebody like one of my friends wants to stay at our house. I'm like, "Oh, it's not going to go well." So, I just wait and wait thinking that there's going to be a great time and now time has run out. And I'll bring it up last minute like that. And then she gives me this look like, "You knew about this for like a month. Why did you wait till now?" So, on that side, I I I've been guilty, but I want to hear from the other side, which is my my wife will bring up something right before we're about to go to bed. I'm like, I'm so tired right now. >> And we engage and the conversation is not very fruitful often times. And sometimes it can lead to another fight. I'm like, "Oh gosh, I just wanted to go to sleep." What do we do in a situation like that? >> Well, it's kind of this advice. If you have all the time in the world, then you have no time in the world. If if you go, I can do this anytime, you typically never get it done, right? Because it's it's not set right there on your plate. So, if it is something important, what you don't want to wait to do is like in my world, the worst time is we wait for the kids go down for bed. Why? Because we get home, we have two kids, five and seven, and we're doing dinner, we're doing bath, we're doing the whole routine, and they finally go down, you know, 8:30 or so. And that's the first time I get to look at my wife and go, "Hi, what's your name?" You're like, "Oh, good to good to see you. We're, you know, we're who who are we?" And then we and then what do we kind of do? We kind of decompress. Maybe talk about your day. Maybe not. Maybe it's like, "Look, I got to go back to work. I got to get something knocked out for either one of us. And you wait until these very small moments where you go, "Hey, I need to talk to you about something." And you're like, "Okay, I was I was getting ready to kind of come down for this. I'm I was ready to I'm landing my plane. Why are you telling me I got to go back up again?" That's that's the worst. That's like um Yeah, you're you're about to It's like going on a plane. you taxi and you're waiting and they're like, "Actually, there's a plane in front of our gate and we got to wait." You're like, "That's this is the absolute I just want to go home." So, whenever you find let's let's do them both ways, okay? >> Somebody is approaching you in that kind of moment where you feel like I I don't have it in me. >> Instead of getting upset about it, it is make it more enticing for them to postpone it. So rather than me going, "Do we really have to talk about this right now?" Which is the worst thing to say. Why? Because they feel like they're alone in it. They feel like you're dismissing them. They're feeling like, "Why am I the only one that's trying to, you know, help out in this marriage, this relationship instead, it's, hey, if we can have this tomorrow, if we can put this on the counter, I'm going to be much more aware in it. I'm going to be a lot better. I'm going to be not nearly as I'm going to be a lot more focused and attentive on it. If I talk to you right now, I know I'm not going to be my my full self. Another quick, so one first piece of advice is postpone it for the right reasons. If you ask anybody, say, "Hey, if we can push this to tomorrow, do is that is that going to be hard? I'll be better in this conversation." Nobody's going to say, "No, no, no, no. I need to have this conversation now while you're in the worst state." They're going to say, "Okay, yeah, that's that's fine." So, if you can't number one, postpone, schedule it. That's the biggest thing. Even if you have you schedule everything else. I've seen your content. I know you're all about, you know, having your time blocks for things and being very efficient with your calendar, why not do the most important thing that's even more of a priority in your life, and that's with your your partner and your spouse. Schedule those those hard conversations. It feels inorganic. I don't care. You need you have to schedule it because if you don't, it's like if we have all the time in the world for it, we have no time in the world for it. Second of all is anytime when they're approaching you with that kind of hey I really want to do this right now. I like to use the phrase I can tell. Anytime I begin with I can tell because it forces you to have self-awareness in the conversation. And it it would sound like I can tell I am way too tired for this right now. I can tell I'm feeling off. I can tell I'm not feeling myself. I can tell I'm not ready for this conversation. I can tell I'm not prepared for this conversation. If you are can be that clear with the person you are closest with the most. Like why why wouldn't you be to say I can I can tell I'm not prepared for this conversation rather than just going okay yeah all right you want to do this I guess I guess we're doing this fine like while your head is still on the pillow. Um it's that doesn't it's not going to breed a a productive conversation. It's not going to lead to a productive conversation. So those are the big two components. Now if let's say it's the other way around. You you're let's say in your example you're your spouse and you need to communicate with this person. Ask when to schedule it. You don't ever want to just pop up. You don't ever say, "Oh, hey, uh something I need to talk with you about that's really super important about our day and can absolutely control all of our moods and feelings." You you you definitely want to schedule it. So, um, yeah, it's it's because what's really when somebody rolls over and goes, "Hey, can I talk to you about something, uh, and they're it's something they've been mulling on for way longer than you have, something they've been thinking about the entire day, you've been thinking about 0% of the day, and the first time you're hearing about it is when you're trying to really go to sleep." Um, so instead of having that that moment of I'm going to push it all on you, it's giving him a road map. Hey, at some point I need to talk with you about the kids schedule for tomorrow. When is best to do that? When would be most helpful to do that? Now, that might the answer might be, oh, right now is good. I'm I'm okay. We can do about it right now. But you you have to a real quick way to do that is we kind of take a temperature check. What how much percentage of a battery we have left? You know, do you I I like to use the word capacity or bandwidth. you know, what's what's your capacity for a conversation about, you know, what what we have coming up next week? Hey, my parents are coming in town. They want to do XYZ. Is this you want to talk about this now? You want to talk about it tomorrow? The answer is always going to be tomorrow. Like you said, you always find a way of pushing that conversation off. You got to schedule it or else it's not going to happen. >> Okay. There's a lot of things I just picked up here. Number one is when I first asked you this question, you took a minute. When I say minute, like a a a pause. >> Yeah. And I notice you do that quite a bit when you're being interviewed. You'll pause, you'll think about it. >> And I notice sometimes when people are asked the question, they just immediately start saying stuff because a lot of people are are verbal processors >> and you'll take a minute, you'll go through what you're going through and then you'll give a very succinct answer to what it is and you'll give just the right amount of examples with practical application. So I admire that a lot. So if somebody is of that type when they're just asked a question and they just start talking right away, what can they do to take time and space for themselves to pause and just think and sort through their ideas? >> What they need to do is make their breath the first word that they say. So rather than going straight into the conversation, rather than just start with the the word vomit, the let me spill out my ideas, if you just take a breath right before you respond, what it's doing is not only regulating your body, you know, making sure you're more aware and in control of your emotions. It is signaling to the other person that what I'm about to say has been thought about, has been acknowledged. There's a difference of you asking me a question, hey Jefferson, how was your day? And I went, it was good. It was good, Chris. It was fine. It was fine. It was a good day. Doesn't really sound like I really thought about it, but if you asked me, hey Jefferson, how was your day? And I went, you know, Chris, it was good. It was a good day. Ups and downs, but it was good. Which one of those sounds like I actually acknowledged what you said, really thought about it, and and in exchange you actually want to hear what I'm about to say more? Like same thing with in an interview. That's probably one of the top things I talk about with friends that are going into an interview and they're like, "Hey, what should I do?" It's like the slower you answer the question, the better the interview will be. They ask you a question and you just immediately try to it has to be as fast as possible. That's the opposite. What you are need needing to exude in that moment is I can take stressful moments including the interview that I'm in and be able to regulate myself and show you that I'm not somebody who runs in conversation. I walk in it. And whenever you slow yourself down, they're going to find that what you're saying is they're going to even feel that what you're saying is more thought out and more intentional than if it's just off the cuff. to the best of your ability to recall when do you first remember this being a conscious thought or effort from your part? >> I started teaching clients this very early on in my really first year associate. Uh I was at a law firm that was the type that you know I wasn't behind a lot of partners. It was like these are your clients. You either sink or swim get after it. So you really go to your first trial, your first year by yourself. And I can remember training some of the first people on they get so nervous before their deposition. There's cameras, there's other people. And I'm teaching them, okay, instead of just going right into it, they ask you a question instead of just having an immediate response, take a minute. And some I would say, I want you to just count one Mississippi. That's it. Just one. And I mean, I did all kinds of things to try and get them to remember it. And so then what I would do is I would put on the hat of being the opposing attorney and I'd say, "Okay, Chris, you know, you understand that you're here today. Is that ain't that true?" And I would start to kind of pressure them and get them all kind of worked up. And I'd say, "Okay, this is the moment. This is where count just in your head, one Mississippi. Okay, now answer." Instead of feeling like you're in their time frame, in their time space, you're controlling it. You're saying, "Nope, I'm the one that's driving in my lane. you can't do anything about it. So, it's really it's like teaching defensive driving verbally how to do that. Now, on the flip end of that is I I'm a fifth generation trial attorney. All the men in my attorney family are attorneys, women, too. And my dad is this way. I could come to my dad with an issue and I'd say, "Oh, that we got this. We have this problem." And he'd go, "Yep, that's a problem." You know what I mean? Like that. who's just always very very very keel. And so I would be I would be like, "Oh my gosh, Dad, they're going to be they're but they're going to be really upset." And he would take a beat and say, "Yep, I guess they'll be upset." That was just his type of demeanor. >> And so, of course, it's just genetics mirroring that my entire life. Um, yeah, he was he would always exude the the run or the walk don't run kind of mentality. >> I can feel my energy change just by the way that you were changing your tone and the pace in which you were talking. >> This is just goes to to the point of like how much the tone and the way that you deliver. the words matter sometimes even more than the words because when you were putting on that like um that mock trial thing with the opposing council saying so what were you I just felt like whoa >> like I'm going to say something probably not that smart probably something that's going to incriminate myself right then >> right right even if you don't mean to >> yeah I I just felt it right away because your baseline is so calm reassuring and and just gentle and inviting that the minute that you switched that up I could feel it immediately I'm sure I'm not the only one. If you're listening to this, just let us know that I'm not the only person who felt that. >> Right. Right. Right. Well, the thing is anybody can do it, Chris. It's I mean, it's more natural to me because this is how I was raised. This is the household I I I was in. I mean, I was raised on on the Socratic method. You I'd come with the problems and my dad would say, "Well, what do you think they would say about that?" You know, like he would always put it in the position of the the other person and slow me down. But like if you're listening right now, if you want to sound more confident, more respected in your communication and more even more serious, more warm, whatever it is, all you need to do is slow down your words and lower your volume. It makes a huge impact. If you are with somebody who's always loud and very aggressive, do you want to do more of what they say or less? So like compare it to to this. If I were to say, "Look, Chris, I already told you I'm not I'm I'm not going to do that versus Chris already told you I'm not going to do that." Now, which one of those is, let's say, somebody who sounds more grounded, somebody who sounds more balanced, somebody who sounds more composed, somebody really you don't want to mess with. It's actually the person who sounds less emotional, the person who sounds less aggressive, who says, "Oh, no. This is not somebody I want to mess with." And it's I'm saying the same thing, but the connotation, the feeling is very, very different. >> Okay. You say it, I feel it, I live it. There's so many people who will hear this and say like, gosh, I just I can't figure it out. Now, you must have worked with some some clients in in the courtroom where you're like, okay, just take a breath. >> We go real slow and then you see them on the stand and they're like, >> that's got to happen, right? >> Oh, yeah. It'll happen all the time. >> Yeah. >> Okay. And when you're on break, do you how do you redirect? How do you get them in that pocket again? >> Yeah. So, you kind of have to do it without telling them about it. Like I have >> um for example, I had this guy once who um you know, he had read some stuff on Google and he's like, "Oh, no. You know, I read you need to be, you know, really short with your answers." I like, "Oh, that's that's all great." And they on textbook, they think they got it all worked out. And despite all of my preparation with them, they got we had I had them go right into the deposition. He started out great. And it it took n no no no time at all. Chris, he was starting to step on the other attorney's questions. So before the attorney was actually an finished with their question, he's already stepping on it with their answer. So he the question was something like, you know, now you went that day. You first drove to your cousins and you'd be like house. Yep. I went to their house. So he's stepping on the the words which you don't want to do because in terms of the reason why there's a court reporter is because everything's written down. So on paper it doesn't look good. It's what they would say it's a messy record because you have these insertions into instead of a full question a full answer. And he kept doing it and I was like you know better. And so in my head I'm like all right this next question I'm going to pull him out. So sure enough he answers the last question stepped on it again. And I say, "Okay, let's take a we're just going to take a five-minute break. Let's just take a little break. You want to stand up for a second?" He's like, "Yeah, that's fine." And so we get out of the room and I just say, "Hey, just walk with me." And so I'm unrolling a peppermint while I'm doing it, just action acting super nonchalant. I pop it in my mouth. I'm just sit right here. We sit down and I say, "So, um, how old are your kids again?" And he was like, "Ah, yeah, you know, seven. Seven and eight." I was like, "Oh, that's that's great. That's great. Ages. What? What? What did y'all uh what' y'all do the last week? And all of a sudden, he starts to like calm down. He's like, "Oh, we uh we went to um a movie." I was like, "What movie?" He's like, "It's the movie with the you know, the talking animals." I think it was like um Madagascar, you know, uh something like that. Madagascar 2. I was like, "Oh, that's that's great." I was like, "Was it good?" And he stops and he slows down and he goes, "Yeah, I mean it was good. You know, it was a cute movie." And I said, 'Good. All right. You see what we're doing here? He goes, "Yeah." I said, "That's exactly what you're going to do in there." I said, "We're going to slow it down." He goes, "Ah, I'm stepping on it, aren't I?" I said, "Yep, that's exactly what you're doing." All right, so let's let's go back and treat it just like you're you're talking to me right here. And sure enough, he went right back. He's like, he had to hear it. He had to feel it >> for me to make him click rather than me pulling him out and going, "Hey, stop >> stepping on the question and get let him get it all out." Okay, that's not going to do it. But by showing the example, making them feel like it was or just right there, keeping it in the pocket. I was like, let's let's stay right in this momentum. You feel this? And he was like, yeah, I feel that. Okay, let's stay right here. So, I use that phrase in the pocket a whole lot with him. >> Okay, this is excellent. Very interesting how you took it to a very conversational level where there's nothing for him to be nervous about. >> Yeah. and so that he can be a better performer in the courtroom because there shouldn't be a difference between this style of talking versus like when you're getting grilled by the other attorney. And I find that in sales, we can have a normal conversation, everything's going great, but when they're on a call with a client, they get all high pitch, they get really nervous and anxious, and they start start talking really fast. They start doing performative things that they normally just don't do. So are we talking there's this universal concept about communication like how you talk to a really good friend is how you should talk everywhere in my opinion. Yes. Now I would say there's a difference in of course context and environment. I'm not going to talk to a prospective client the same way I'm going to talk to my grandmother, you know, or or or my best friend or my dad. There's casual situations where when you and I are in sweatpants and drinking coffee talking about life, it's not the same. So, but I would say the premise holds true that you generally want everybody to feel very comfortable around you. Even when you're public speaking, one of the best compliments you can get is you seem so comfortable up there. Yeah. Because when you understand that I don't have anything to prove. I'm just telling you what I know. I can be excited about what I have to share. And when I get excited about the message of what I'm giving, then I can channel that excitement into how it's going to benefit everybody else. And that that's a that's a wonderful thing to be generous with your words and generous with your message. Now, if somebody is grilling you in a deposition type of setting, it is it is different. It just it's understanding that you can't make me say anything I don't want to say and you can't make me talk any faster than I'm going to respond. So when I understand that I'm the one that has control of the steering wheel at all times, it's a very confident mindset. It's a gamechanging type of concept. When you understand that you you say something to me, I can choose not to say anything at all. That is a pretty powerful thing. People feel like you always have to have a response. It's not true. So when you're talking in front of people, even in that sales context, if you can't just be you, like we have such a six sense of knowing when somebody's being fake. Let me tell you what, a jury knows immediately, Chris, if somebody's being fake. And they will destroy them. They will pour their whole case out if they feel like they're being fake. I can't tell you how many times I've seen a jury totally turn on somebody's case if they thought that they were being somebody that they're not. Like you just meet somebody and go there's something about them that doesn't it's just this six sense that we have. I think it's very um I don't I I'm not sure if it's just the DNA of our cavemanlike abilities to go, "No, something doesn't smell right about this. I'm not sure what it is, but something's not." And and it's even people who try too hard, right? They're like "No >> they're trying too hard." Like, what does that even mean? They're they're being somebody that they're not. Ever had somebody try to really make you like them? You're like, it makes you it's it's a turnoff. Now you definitely don't like them. Why? because they're trying too hard to be liked. I don't they're being somebody that they're not. Uh if a witness on the stand is faking sympathy, like trying to gain sympathy, let's say they kind of act, you can tell they're being fake emotional about it. They really don't mean it. Or a jury will just go, "Nope, we don't trust you. No credibility. I think you're faking it." And it's it's King's X every time. What what are some other ways that we can tell that somebody's faking it? Like when you say try too hard, I see that like, oh my god, it's so good to see you. You're so amazing. I'm like, come on. >> You don't know me. >> Come on. You say that to everybody, please. Come on. I get that one. What are other ones that you can can label for us? Um well, you have the people who I think it's a little bit different for you and I kind of in this space because we have a certain extent of content that we put out that people know. And so what do they want? They want to feel connected to us. And so some people resort to over compliments. Like they compliment everything. Even things you're like that's I you feel like you're going a little bit too far there if they're just gushing. It can be from a good place but that sometimes will lose that connection because there's this sense of falsity to it where it's it's so much surface they don't feel that it's it's good. Um another way that you can easily bring in disconnection is the people who name drop right it's really a source of that insecurity. uh you know those the type that they're you uh say, "Hey, what's what's going on?" And they feel that because they're near you, Chris, they need to show you that they're worthy of knowing other bigname people. And they go, "Oh, yeah. I was with Greg the other night. You know, Greg, right? Just, you know, sold his company for three billion. I was on his yacht anyway." And and they start talking to you and you're like, "That's not that's not impressive to me, but I don't know why you you get what I mean? They they they do it to make you feel like they're worthy of that company. And so rather than having the feeling that they have that sense of worth in themselves without having to name drop anybody, they have to get that from somewhere. It's like the people who um the really wealthy people that I know, you would never know from the look of them. They they don't they're not dressing crazy. they're in just a regular used car. The people who I guess are somewhat rich are the people who wear the flashy stuff. The the designer every they have to make sure everybody else knows. Same thing with talking in a meeting. Sense of confidence. If you're the person who always has to have the last word, always has to throw in your two cents in every Zoom meeting. These are typically the people that are farthest removed from the actual decision- making. They just want you to know that they know the answer. You know how smart they are, how much they know. Um, and so it's people mistake talking time, the amount of time that they talk for the amount of value they give. Uh, that is often very disproportionate. >> I like hearing that. As an introvert, I don't talk much, especially when I'm around a bunch of alpha bros. And this happens a lot of those >> around guys. >> I don't know why. >> And I do. >> Yeah. You defin I mean we Yeah. When guys when the bro we get around the bros. >> Yeah. >> Uh yeah. It's just a cheese. It's just how how >> Yeah. >> How big can you puff up your chest? That's all it is. >> Yeah. But the thing is I I just keep wondering to myself, don't you all just see that? that inside there was probably a person who was bullied as a kid who was not popular or well-liked and then has achieved a lot of success relatively recently like the last 5 to 10 years >> and they still feel as they're responding from that like junior high day and we're like at a table you're here. You're accepted. You don't have to prove anything. And the fact that the more you try to prove >> the more distasteful I find it to be. But >> sometimes I get caught in these conversations. I'm like gosh I just feel so foreign. Yeah. >> In this moment right now, >> yeah, I can relate to that. You meet these people that seem like they have it all together and then when you meet them, you go, "Oh, that's actually not at all what it it truly is. Perception is rarely reality." Um I think it was um Oprah maybe and one time she said like out of all everybody she's interviewed presidents everybody at the after the interview they all want to know did I do okay >> right you know it it's are they going to like me do you like me am I still going to be somebody it's just that inner that inner voice that inner fear of everybody it doesn't it doesn't matter so when somebody when somebody's name dropping you. >> Yeah. >> Meaning when they are coming to you and name dropping somebody else important or talking about something that you know that they're saying it to impress you. My biggest advice is just to be impressed, right? Just say, "Well, that's great, man. That's awesome." instead of trying to outdo it, instead of trying to dismiss it, like you have to see the seventh grade kid who has just never been at the cool table in junior high and this is their chance. And so if you can just give a little grace to say, "Oh, that's awesome. Congratulations, man." And genuinely from a a heartfelt place, they will follow you and love you forever if you just show them to say, "Hey, I see you. That's really cool. Great job." Like that right there is they'll said, "This is somebody I trust. That's wonderful. I like that." Uh I think I heard you say this or at least it was on the Mel Robbins interview with you where you said something where somebody says like, "What you say is who you are." Yeah, I I want to follow down that rabbit hole a little bit because I think a lot of people think learning a communication skills is to do something that it doesn't reflect your genuine desire. >> And so if you live and think a certain way, I think the words and your tone will come across a certain way and then you can just sharpen that. But I think because somebody had asked me this question before, like during a sales role play, they asked me, Chris, how is it that you project so much that you care? I said, you want to know the dirty secret? tell you right now, I actually care. Yeah. >> And their minds are blown. They're like, "You mean you care about the other person? I'm just trying to get money from them." >> Yeah. >> And I said, "Well, your thoughts betray you then." >> Mhm. >> It's pretty clear that your intention is to close this at all costs. That it doesn't really matter if what you do solves a problem for the other person. And there's a air of insincerity. And you talked about we have a six sense and we can we can tell because you're not that good. You're not that good at faking it. Few people are. >> Yeah. You're not any good at all. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I I think so. Yeah. Um >> that's very true. >> What you say is is who you are. >> And what I I say is that people only experience you based on what comes out of your mouth. Like rarely do they have this full interaction, this whole display of your entire life. They get these micro moments. And they will judge everything about you on these little bitty micro moments. They might see the act of kindness. They might see you open the door for somebody and they go, "Oh, that's nice." They're they're very polite. Rarely, they base their entire perception of you, your entire reputation, all anybody will ever talk about you and how people will talk about you when you're gone from this earth is simply what you say. And it's this easy. You say nice things, congrats, you're a nice person. You say funny things, you're a funny guy. All right. I mean, the flip is the true. If you say things that are rude, if you say things that are disrespectful, if you say things that aren't nice, well, congratulations. You're now seen as somebody that's not liked. When you say, "I don't like this person," what you really mean is they say things I don't like. >> If you say, "Oh, this he's a nice guy," what you mean is he says things that I I like to hear. He said nice things. And so when you realize that that's simply the power is not going to go download this new software. The power is not in oh I I have to make sure I have the the best lighting, the best camera, the best everything. That's not the power of the quality. It's it's simply what you decide to say and how you say it. It's it's really as simple as simple as that. You you can't what I say is you can't be a kind person if you don't use kind words. It it doesn't happen that way. So, the good news is if you're somebody right now listening and you feel like, I wish I was I wish I was different. I wish I was more respected. I wish I was whatever. You can do it. You have to use better words. If you want a better life, you first have to use better words. Words that serve you better, words that serve the other person better. It's just a different vocabulary. So think in your mind if you could say envision who you want to be 20 years from now and you go how does this person talk and you start using that vocabulary now that's the first step to get there. You think of your life how how did you see arguments in your life? How did your parents argue? You probably mirror that. How does your parent talk? How did they talk to you? You probably mirror that in some way. And so when you realize that it's all of that's really within your control of what you choose to say next, it's a pretty cool concept. >> Okay. So I have to ask this question then if I'm an unkind person. Can I start using kind words and reprogram myself? Because the harder path is to be a different person and then the words that you would choose will reflect what you really think. Am are you saying that in 10 years I can say like I I aspire to be a better person, a kinder, more patient, more giving, generous person. I'm not that today. I'm going to use the language that the people that I aspire to become and then I can program my subconscious myself. Is that possible? >> Yes. Yeah. I I I truly believe if you if you genuinely believe it, if you do it from a sense of you you're a fox in the hen house, you're just trying to behave a certain way and I'm trying to to look like everybody else, but on the inside I'm not a nice person. Well, that that'll always shine through. It's never going to be genuine. Um I am firmly in the camp that if you're somebody that does not have a good reputation right now, you can change that reputation. It takes time. >> It's not something that's immediate. Just because you have one nice conversation with somebody does not mean it's going to immediately change their whole mind about you. >> But over time, you will first make them question it, their first impression, and then they start to peel back the onion a little bit more and a little bit more. And eventually the good in your words, you have to be so generous to where you don't care what comes back. I'm just giving positive words to you. I'm giving you kindness whether or not you deserve it. Why? Because that is my value. Like my mom taught me very early where there is room for kindness, I will use it. That that was that was her entire still is. I could come to her with an issue and I'd be upset about something and I'd say, "But mom, they did this." And she'd say, "Well, were you kind?" I'd say, "Well, mom, you don't understand. they just did X, Y, and Z. And she said, well, Jefferson, I still think you should be kind. Like, it was her whole thing of, I don't care what they did. What did you do? Like, that was her her whole mentality. And so, when you say to yourself, because typically people are innately unkind because we have this mentality that somebody else has done something to me to cause this. We have the victim mentality. They've they've pulled this out of me. I am disenfranchised. I am I'm a victim of everybody else. It's a scarcity mindset. But when you just just decide that to be generous with your benefit benefits of the doubt in everyday conversation instead of taking everything personally, you just use I like to I teach you use the word maybe. Well, maybe they're having a bad day. Maybe they're going through something. Maybe they're overwhelmed. Maybe they're maybe they're in a bad mood. Maybe they're hungry. Maybe they're scared. whenever maybe they have to get there faster than I do. You know, anytime I use this maybe mindset, it's so freeing. And when able whenever you're able to do that in conversation, people will find that you're the one who they can count on to uh always deliver. I love that. And if you're listening to this, I would probably write that in your notebook. I I like this word maybe because it just opens up for other possible explanations than the one that you're probably thinking right now. And it creates a little bit more grace and generosity in the interpretation of what's happened. And I like that because often times we're so locked in a fixed perspective that just having that word maybe and then imagine what else it could be and it starts to open things up. I learned this through my business coach. He didn't use the word maybe, but he would say like what else what else could this mean? And then it just helped me to just zoom out a little bit. And then you start to become a little bit less attached to your emotional state, your victim mindset, your scarcity mindset. And allows you to have a shift in perspective. Not always, but it's a really darn good start. >> And now I have to ask this question um I ask this question of you, which is when we use kind words or we use words that reflect who we want to become, eventually we can become that person if we want. Now, quite famously, um, Ellen Degenerous was cancelled because on camera she appears to be a very kind, warm, quirky person, but when the cameras were off, she apparently is a really mean-spirited person and belittles people. And so, once that eventually got out, her whole thing was ruined. For a person who's practiced this for decades, I guess it didn't seem to change her at all. On the surface, I don't know that much about it. What could possibly be the reason behind this you think that we can learn from? I think what we can learn is there is a person behind everybody and that's a person that you don't know. What I what I teach is the person you see is not the person you're talking to. Like you see me talking to you right now, but you have no clue how my morning went. You have no clue about the state of my marriage or my siblings or my anybody. Like we have family that we we live in a world that is riddled with addiction, with struggles, with problems and issues that we would never want to be shared. So you say something like with her again, I have no clue. I don't know much about her other than the show that there is a separate side that is typically what I would foresee as a past that we know nothing about and a past that has created a person who feels like they cannot be true to themselves because we now know she wasn't true to us, >> right? you know, allegedly, >> right? >> What that's often a reflection of is they weren't true to themselves. Uh because that that it always sifts. It's it's just it it always has a way of filtering down to to us. If you feel like I'm not being true with you, usually because I don't feel like I'm being true to my myself. There's always a surface and a depth. And you can feel this in conversation too with somebody. you feel like all of a sudden, oh, they have a really high reaction, like a big emotional reaction to something that you thought was pretty small. It's very telling that discrepancy. And what it tells you is they're having a conversation in their head that you weren't invited to. Like, it's not My dad would always tell me the issue is rarely the issue. The the issue is not that I left the sink on the counter, you know. The issue is my wife got an email first thing in the morning from a client that put her in a mood and throughout the day it she got more frustrated and so I was the precipice of that. There's there's always and I could say it for me too, you know, it's not that somebody did this. My big reaction was I was already having a bad day long before I even walked into the room. And so sometimes that room is your life. I am meeting somebody that has had a lifetime of things happening to them and I am making a determination of what's happening to them. But the truth is they were walking throughout life long before I met them. like I'm only seeing a mirror, a small moment of of who they are, who they want me to think that they are. So that's that tells me that there's always well, it just only reinforces the truth to me that the person you see is rarely the the person you're talking to. And if you wind up being in a room with a person that is somebody that's really disagreeable to you and you you have the option not to be there, h how do you stay present in that moment? How do you continue to give grace or do you exit out of that conversation? It depends. It depends how they're treating me. Um let's let's put it in some different contexts. Somebody who's very disagreeable is usually somebody who always has to be right. They're the person who's tied their identity to the concept of being right because that's how they tie their value. That's how they've decided they matter is if people say that I'm right. And there's some people that are very black and white. No, there is a right and there is a wrong. That there's no gray ever. And we know those kind of people. We know those people that always have to have the last word. And they're going to continue to argue until they're the ones having the last word. Well, knowing that, I might begin with the phrase of I'm going to tell you something and you don't have to agree with me. Or I might say, "It's okay to disagree with me." Like, I'm just giving you that freedom instantly of, "Here, have it. You don't got to disagree with me." And when I say something like that, when I say you don't have to agree with me, my thought is, and I'm telling you it's okay, it's almost a relief to them of the, "Oh, okay. I was I was kind of expecting to fight. I I was expecting I had to like gather up all my ammunition. I'm saying you don't have to to have that. Um I also might try and prime what I I call priming the room. Instead of talking about them, I talk about the space. It doesn't feel nearly as personal. So I might sit down and let's say you and I, Chris, are in a meeting and I know it's going to be a tense conversation. I might sit down and I say,"I want to make sure that we're in a space where we can be totally transparent with each other." Now, you say, "I'm not," you see how different that is if I say, "I want to make sure we're in a room where we can we can be honest here." You see how different that is than me saying, "Okay, Chris, I need to talk to you and I need to make sure that you're honest with me." >> Yeah. >> Right. Instead, I'm talking about the room. So even for your in your world when they are salespersons in a room with clients and they set the tone of the conversation it is such a relief to other people because you're telling them where your road map is. You walk into the room and say I want to make sure that this is a space where you can tell me all the issues without any fear of judgment. Can we agree on that? Everybody's going to go yep. They're going to nod. I want to make sure that this is a room where we can be honest with each other whether or not you go with my product or not. Like there there is such a relief to people when they feel like, oh, okay, I don't have to I don't have to put up my defenses on everything. So those those are two little techniques I would use with somebody who's super disagreeable. >> God, that's so good. That's so freaking good. You know, I know you're listening to this people. You're like, "Wait, he just said the same thing." No, he did not. Rewind. Listen to it as many times as you need to. And I just want to go over it one more time with you. I've heard you say this before, but it's still freaking good every time I hear it. >> You and I are in a room. It's just the two of us, right? >> And you could just say to me, "Chris, I need you to be honest with me. Uh, if you disagree, feel free to say whatever." That puts me on the spot a little bit. >> Yep. >> Okay. and then then say it the way that would create um how you prime me to like have a conversation with you that's going to be really productive. How do you say that one more time please? >> Yeah. So I I will I will put the frame of the conversation in the space. So I might use the word room >> office place whatever that is. >> Uh so I might say I want to make sure this is a room where I can be totally transparent with you. And so most people will go, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely." They will always agree. They They never say no. But that's way better. And I I'm I'm The difference is I'm making the rules apply to both of us instead of saying, >> "Chris, I need to make sure that you're being honest with me here." Um, that's very different. That's more poignant. That that adds in assumptions. All of a sudden, you're going to be thinking, "Wait, you don't think I'm transparent? Wait, you think I'm I'm not trustworthy?" But if I make the rules apply to both of us, it's it's kind of like me looking around my shoulder like, "Look, can we can you and I just talk? Is that all right?" That's the feeling that I'm giving. And people go, "Oh, yeah. We we can talk." You see how it's just a different level of now we're a little bit closer now? Now it's now it's a protected now this is a sacred space that we've created. Can we can we talk in this? And so that's the kind of level that you can bring by simply defining the space that you're in. Rather than trying to define the person, define the space. >> Let's see if I got this right. It sounds to me like you're establishing the rules of engagement and what you're willing to commit to this conversation. And by inference, the other person's going to agree that of course I want you to be transparent, honest, and clear and open. And they're also then agreeing to it without having to say like I agree to participate in that way because it's inferred that they're going to do the same. >> Right. >> You got it. >> That's really beautiful. This is like some ninja mastery communication skills here. >> Good. Congratulations. >> It really is. >> Yeah. Wow. I really do like it. >> I haven't used this before, so I have to really think about this. >> Now, there's lots of different applications to it. Lot lots of different ones. Um, so it's it's always good if you're if you're instead of hey, okay, can everybody be on the same page here? And you're talking about the person, talk about the space. >> They do the same thing. >> If you're going to be hypothetically speaking, because I'm doing this, if you're going to be in a large room, 900 people, you're going to give a talk of some sort. What's an example of how how I could use something like that? So, what I would do is I would begin with, "Can we agree?" I know that sounds very attorney-l like. It works. It really does. Can we agree that this is a space where we can be real for a second? >> And you know what everybody's going to do? They're going to nod. They're going to head nod. And you know what they do immediately when you do that is they've given you permission to say what's really on your heart. They've given you permission in that moment for you to like be direct. They they've it's like you they've given you the freedom all of a sudd. I felt like he was just really real with us because simply you prime the whole entire conversation around can we be real for a second. It's that same like hey can we can we come in real quick? They they people love that because it feels like they're getting information from you to the exclusion of all others. I I much prefer that versus me just getting real and then people are like shocked. They're like, "Oh my god." >> Yeah. >> We weren't ready for this. And so when you s
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    “People only experience you based on what comes out of your mouth.”

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