My Struggle Speaking To Camera

Here's a little story.This whole idea of speakingto a piece of glassgetting no feedback from you.And thankfully, you guyshave turned on your camerasince the early days.But in the early days,everybody was just an icon.There was no face.Nobody would turnon the cameras.And I was literallydoing this like thisfor no one and everyoneat the same time,I can tell you it wasreally, really weird.Oh my god, it was weird.And I remember Josiewas just like, hey,everybody, like blah blahblah blah blah blah blah.It's talk forever.And I was sitting there like,Oh my god, I'm going to do this.And then when I had to do acall by myself, I gave my deck.I read through it,I presented it.And where you normally getthe feedback of the audiencelaughing or.Or yelling or whateverit is my audience does.I get nothing.Silent as a pin that youcould hear a pin drop.It was really unnerving.And look at this, I've talkednow for almost two hourswith very littleinteraction from you.30 days to four, 30 days.See what happens?You can do it.Get some money in your pocket.Go for a quick win, you guys.I think.Hi, Christian, Tanya.Hey, man, Gandhi, what's up?Yes, good.So just like that,I took 100 days,100 doodles test twice becauseyou cannot unwind yourself,you cannot take yourself outof I'm a mechanical engineerfirst.Then I became aproduct designer.I wasn't even doingproduct design back then.So there are so manybad habits that wehave captured over timeand time and time again,I am trying to withmy salesy habitthat I captured when I wasthe salesman by talkingto myself in the mirror.It is really hard to give away.All of those things have manybad inhibitions in our own headthat we are trying to work with.Yes yes, Yes.Yes, it is.I'm not going tolie to you guys.I'm not going to lie to you.It's super hard tospeak to the camera.It's hard to change ahabit like getting outof that sales mindset.So speaking to the mirror, thatsounds super creepy and weird,but you would do that.And you would getover this right?Like I have.This is dumb.I carry around a littlevlogging setup on my backpackevery single day, andit's freaking heavy.And I think, why do Ikeep bringing this with meevery single day because Ineed to just change my habit?It's like givingbirth to a baby.I'm just going tohold on to this thinguntil I can finally pullthis thing out in publicand start shooting and feelinga little bit more comfortable.And really, that'sall it is, and I'mgoing tell you alittle personal story.It was a little stressedout this whole weekendhas been a veryweird time for mesince we're talkingabout stress earlier.My father-in-lawpassed away last week.And my wife is in Taiwanand she's like, honey,are you coming?And I say to her.It's important toyou, I'm coming.Book me a ticket andshe knows my schedule,she knows that GaryVaynerchuk is comingand she knows that I wasinterviewed from PBS SoCal.She knows all of these things.She's like, you know what?I don't think it's worthit for you to come.I said, no, I insistI need to come.Book it from thisday to this day,I will cancel Gary Vaynerchuk.My life is not worthanything if I can't be therefor you because I want to.I'm going to miss a guess.Who cares if he doesn't come on?He doesn't come on.It was not meant to be.And she says, youknow what, actually,I don't want you to come.It's too much disruption,I got a lot going on.I need you to be thereto receive the kidswhen they fly back.But here's whatI want you to do.I want you to recorda video and we'llplay it during his eulogy.We're all OK.And get your parentsto do the same.And I was justsitting here thinking,Oh my god, I don'twant to do this thing.How?how do I record this?This is not like goofingoff and making funny voices.I have to say something thatactually means something.And I was just stressed out.I couldn't do anything,and I told Matthew thisthe other day.I was like, I didn't know this.But I'm a stress eater now.How do you even know this?I'm downstairs, Iwould do anythingbut sit down and thinkabout what to writeand how to say this.I'm delaying this becauseit's causing me so much stressbecause I feel like it'sthe most important video,I'm going to produce.I don't want tolet my wife down.I especially want to honor thememory of my father-in-law.I just what am I going to say?How? how does theperson do this?And I'm sitting thereeating potato chips.I don't eat potato chips.I'm just likeFuller than I can belike, I feel like mystomach is going to burstand I go do something andI go out and watch a movie,I'm just doing everythingI can to delay this thing.And it's killing me.And then I go over to myparents' house on a Sunday,I recorded their video andthen on the drive home,I'm thinking, this iswhat I'm going to say.I'm working on it.I'm using that archiving brain.Then I go home and lookwhere I'm going to shoot,this is getting late, so Igo out on top of my roof deckand I go on top thereand I hold the camera.And I'm recording I'mtrying to hold the camera.I'm trying not tolike blabber on.I'm trying to getthe message across.And I probably record myselfsaying it 7 or eight times.And that's justaround six o'clock,and I promised mywife that by the endof the day, today, on Sunday,it's going to be done.And I go back on the computer.I'm watching Jessica Jones, Idon't want to edit this video.I just don't even wantto see myself right now,and I'm not changing thumbnailson our YouTube channel.I'm doing every single thing.I cannot touch this video.Now it's 11 o'clock,and I'm like,Oh my god, I onlyhave an hour leftto cut this video together.And I actually unload our.Download the filesto my hard driveso I can edit it and get intoit, and I do it, I'm doneand it's like, oh, Ijust I just don't know.Send it to my wife, shetexted me yesterday.She said that what you wrotein so few words or saidwas amazing, and it capturedthe true essence of my father.Thank you.And that was just like1,000 pounds off my face.And now I can goon with my life,so I'm sharing this with you.I think I'm trying to make apoint out of this because Istruggle with this stuff to.Sometimes it might look likeit's easy, but it's not easy.I do it despite the factthat it's difficult.So I can overcome this.And I just say thosekinds of thingswhere I have to say thesethings on camera like this,they're brutal.I don't want to do this.Hopefully, I don't haveto do too many moretimes before I'm done.But my goodness, whata painful thing to do.And so you guys in what you haveto do not to make light of it.It's small.You want to share yourgift with the world.You want to teachthem a new skill.You want to helpimprove their lives.You want to save them some time.And you mostdefinitely can do this.OK, so let's getout of our own way.Let's make something andrealize there are hundreds100 or 200 otherpeople in this groupto feel exactly thesame thing that youfeel that struggle throughthe same things thatdon't want to do it.But despite all ofthat, they still do it.So let's jump onthis train, baby,let's go because we can do this.