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Scarcity Abundance Mindset

#
101
Chris Do
Published
October 15, 2019

Chris Do talks with the pro group about how to expand your abundance mindset.

Read Transcript
How to work on expanding your abundance mindset? Watch all the videos. I wouldn't mind hearing about that. Yeah, yeah, so that's a lot of videos and that I would love for everybody to watch all the videos, but that's a lot of videos. So one can presume or assume that you're in a scarcity mindset and what's the difference between a scarcity mindset and abundance mindset? And I want to first talk about the scarcity mindset. So if you suffer from this, if you feel like this is what is plaguing you right now, I'd like for you to just bring yourself online and let's talk a little bit. So I have a better understanding of what your world view looks like. So those are you guys that feel like. Man, there's only so many jobs out there, and if I lose this one, that's it, so I have to make sure every single job I land. That's part of the scarcity mindset. That there's a finite amount of opportunities and clients out there for you. Hey, Bonnie Stan, good to see you haven't seen you in a while. I just notice your face there. So anybody and anybody with the scarcity mindset. I don't have a scarcity. I have a lack mindset. And so I dealt with that. It's Diane. No, I know Diane. I can recognize your voice. You have a very distinctive voice. But I mean, what is the lack mindset? So one of my clients actually taught me about this. So instead of thinking that good things will happen, I end up prepping in my brain. I hope for the good and I'm very hopeful. But I mean, your camera just got really close on you. I know it's freaking out. Let me sit back. Anyway, sorry, it was like, really? It was like, it's Zoom. I think Zoom is freaking out, ok? So anyway, Thanks a lot, Chris. Did it again. Let me work on it. Keep going. Keep talking. So lack thinking is in thinking that the worst is going to happen instead of really prepping my brain for the good things that are going to happen. It's not quite scarcity, but it's close. I'm listening, I'm listening to you the whole time. I know I'm done. OK, so the zooming in on my face is a distraction for everybody and for me, none. Dang, I don't want to see me that close. It's too much. Too close. Very too close. Yeah, it is too close. OK so there's this idea that good things will happen, and then there's like maybe a pessimistic dark side, which is I wonder if any good thing. We'll ever happen. Somebody else want to speak on this a little bit more. Hi, Chris, is Abby. Hi, Abby. Hey I have been in that situation myself, where I have had quite a not I wouldn't say a negative mindset about abundance, but it's more in your mind, you know, intellectually, that there are unlimited kind of possibilities. You know, that there's an amazing source of whatever you want. But then there's this kind of other bit inside you that kind of doubts that feeling when something crap happens or something goes wrong or you suddenly find yourself working all the hours and haven't got, you know, it's not happening. You do get this little voice that goes, well, actually, is it really going to happen or is it, you know, have you? Is it an abundant source of everything or if they just kind of miss me on the way? So it's kind of the difference between intellectually knowing that that's the case. And knowing here that that's the case is quite a tough one to breach, actually, and one that I'm still working on. So, OK, so we've done this exercise before when to do it again because there's so many people in the group. So when you say like, it's not going to work out for me, is it really going to happen? Whose voice is that my mom's voice? OK, Yeah. Is your mom still around? Is she? Oh, she's Yeah. And she's not very present in my life, but she is still on this Earth somewhere. OK, so she still has some power over you, right? She does, Yes. OK, so what we have to do is we have to reconcile this somehow because this is going to plug you the end of your days and this is the problem. Look, we have to settle these unresolved issues because we look up to our parents. We depend on them for survival and their habits become our habits. Their questions become our internal voice and we have to really address this somehow. So when I noticed this and you guys will see me sometimes, OK, I'm going to just get real. Just this is going to get real real right now. You guys will see me behave and act poorly on camera when people give me advice, when it's unsolicited opinions. And it's because I have made a very deliberate intent in my life to focus in on my own thoughts and beliefs. And so I don't leave a lot of room for other people's opinions. Right and you can interpret that as good behavior or bad behavior. I'm just going to leave it open for now. So when somebody in my life walks by and they look at a design that I'm doing. And it could be my children, my mom, my dad or friends or people at the office, and they start giving their opinions. So like, I even ask you for your opinion. So right now, it doesn't feel so good. And usually the people who give these opinions are usually uninformed. They have a reaction. Maybe they just want to connect with you. Maybe their intent is really from a good place, I can't tell, but from me, it's like, I just don't really want to hear it. Because I'm working on my thing now, that's a big difference between me showing my work or coming to my therapist and saying, hey, man, I need help. Can you give me your thoughts on this or my business coach? And there's a big difference, so we're getting unsolicited opinions from everybody all the time, and they're attacking us all the time if you let them in. And what I find kind of odd and very common within the creative community is we have this castle, the fortress is built really well, but for some reason we so easily like lower the gate to let all these negative opinions in. And then not only do we not address them, we start to harbor them and then they start to become part of how we think about ourselves. And if you're not very mindful of this, it starts to become your own internal voice and you think, that's me thinking this all the time. So somehow we need to be able to pull that out from us. Abby, and you've done this as part of the boot camp, right? Yes we address it. We have to address it. We have to work out these issues. There's another way to think about this that's been very helpful for me in terms of thinking about your child, your real or imaginary children doesn't really matter. So if little Abby came up to you and said, hey, mom, I'm not feeling this and I'm just feel like this is not going to happen. What kind of advice would you give to this person? Well, came up to me, and I don't give him a big hug and just say it will happen, you know, if you want to and just be there for them to kind of talk to me and tell me what they're feeling and sit on my lap and probably just wrap them with some chocolate or something, ok? I don't know. I think it would just be that my reaction if one of my children came up to me and said, you know, said something like that would be to give them a hug and say, what can I do to help you through this or help you to the next step? Or what do you need? That would be my reaction. OK, do you have kids I can't remember? Yeah, I've got a 17-year-old and a 14-year-old. Oh my goodness. OK, Yeah. I thought you were like this free spirit running Earth. Running on Earth. OK, so you've been through this before? Yeah, Yeah. All parents know what I'm talking about. Let's just pretend, though, that you don't for everybody that doesn't have a child. OK and I'll be a little Abby. And I want you to talk to me in your best nurturing, supportive voice. OK OK, give me a little situation. So I can make it hit home for you. OK, so little. Abby is feeling sad because she didn't. She hasn't gone to going to college. She wanted to. OK But give me a situation where little Abby is actually living your life, but just as a little person. So I want to talk about college. I want to talk about work. Or if you have that, are real. OK OK, so little. Abby is working lots of hours and losing her bank account and thinks, Oh dear. How have I not got any money? This got real. Yeah, that's real. So what's the thought process? What's the negative voice say to you? It says, well, obviously you're not good enough. Obviously, you're not good enough to get the higher paying clients. You spend too much money and you don't save enough. You don't have a control of your budget. Lots of things. Yeah goodness, that just came out really too fast. Oh, media oh, wow, OK. OK, therapy here. Ok? OK, so mom, I've been working for a little while, but I just I look at my bank account and there's. There's not a lot there, and I just feel like a total loser, like, why isn't my life more together now, mom? Oh, Darling, give me a hug and just tell me about it, tell me what's happened this month, what good things have happened this month? Well I don't know what to tell you, I don't know it really well. I'm good on my diet this month. And I think the few clients that I have. I mean, it's gone really well. They like the work. They like me. Awesome So everyone has Downs and UPS and times when it feels a bit tough. And you know, the last time we had a great client that loved you and you get all these people, I know that you've told me that come back and work with you. And then they come back and work with you again and again, and you do get good feedback. So, you know, this month might be a bit tight and you know, you did break that weekend away, and that's fine. But then that's you've got to look at what you've done this month. That's really positive. He had all that fun. You did all that. You know, you put those lovely new shoes. Yeah, Yeah. Too much. I mean, should I be spending money on all these things? And it is my measure to society to you. Like what you should do. What you feel is makes you feel good and. But there's no money in the bank. I'm worried about tomorrow. OK, what can you do today to make tomorrow seem a bit easier, but pointing? I'm stuck. Ok? do you have anyone you can reach out to see if they have any other work that you could do? All those past people that have given me such raving reviews and. And wonderful words about what you've done for them. HMM, maybe. OK, I'm going to call timeout here. I'm not sure what's really going on here. It's like, it's interesting how you parent yourself, though. Yeah, Wow. Is this how you talk to yourself? Now, can you talk to me? Oh, no, the big. Yeah yeah, that's quite disconcerting. And the voice, that's kind of the voice that you can't stop says those negative things before you can even say them. It's just like an electricity response in your mind. And Oh OK. Perfect Oh Yeah. OK, now we're getting someplace. OK, so there's some mindfulness exercises that we can do. I think right now you feel and you think and you observe and there's no separation for you. And we need to put some distance. We need to create a witness to your life, and that's you, you witnessing your own life and your own feelings. And then as the witness? You get to decide in the moment how you want to respond. Sometimes you do want to respond with feelings. Acts of love and anger and jealousy, and all those kinds of things. But at least we need to put a little distance so that you can make that decision. Yeah, so the exercise was to allow you to see yourself from a third point of view. What we need to do is we need to start to develop this as part of how we conduct our lives all the time. I think I've told you guys this story before, but when I was much younger, probably nine or 10 years old, I lost some money and I was beating myself up over and I was like, you stupid, you dummy, you dummy. You're so irresponsible as saying all these things. And I wanted to cry. Maybe I did cry and I blamed everybody. I blamed everybody but myself. And I came up to my mom and asked my mom, mom, dad, did you see this money? And I lost, I don't know where it is. Somebody must have taken it. And she just asked me very systematically, and this is just her being amateur psychotherapist for me and saying, do you think I took it? No your father, your brothers, anybody in his house might have taken it. Do you suspect any of them would want to take your stuff like that? I said no. So I had just come to grips that I just lost it. It disappeared and that no amount of feeling bad or beating myself up over it would produce a positive result. So none of this sounds a little freaky, but even at nine years old, I'm like now becoming aware of my own thoughts and feelings and saying, you know, regret like how do we feel about the idea of regret? No amount of wishing it to come back will ever come back, and I'm only producing more negative feelings about myself. So I made a promise to myself at that age, I'm going to discard regret as an emotion, it's useless to me. So the filter already starts to begin, is this going to help me, is this going to hurt me? Is this going to build me up or tear me down? So these what you're doing with the pretend little Abby is you're trying to push the conversation away from the negative thoughts. So the more positive thoughts, that's what you're doing the whole time focus on the good focus on the good. And maybe you as a person experiencing yourself, those electrical impulses, the feelings that you feel there is nobody directing it. So it just goes down that channel. So I think all of you guys, I'm turning off my camera whenever that happens. So all of you guys who are experiencing this scarcity mindset, you're focusing so much on the negative parts and you need to switch your energy. You need to switch it really fast. You need to become aware and become the witness, if you can. Now there's not enough time or expertise for me. Got expertise for me that I can actually walk you through all this. So I would recommend that everybody that's feeling this to go actually seek the help of a professional someone who's trained to help you through this. I believe I've recommended this book 1,000 times, but 1,001 won't hurt in that. Try the conquering your critical inner voice book by Dr. Firestone. Give it a shot. It's the cheapest form of therapy you can get. See what happens? Chris, can I add something? Of course. Awesome what's up, gang squad, anyway? I think something that Chris touched on that a lot of us may have difficulty when we're on that journey to personal growth is that he took a moment to really. And if I'm inferring incorrectly, let me know and then I'll just speak in general is that we have to take a second to really understand what those negative emotions feel like for us to switch. So a lot of us will think on the positive. When we haven't made sense of why we're feeling negatively and why we're hurting and accepting those as is to then be able to justify thinking positively because the remnants of those negative emotions still linger because we haven't made full understanding. So in Chris's example of him losing the money and all of that, he had to continuously ask himself or even experience the regret to then be able to come back and ask himself. OK I don't want to feel this anymore because of what I just felt. So I would encourage and challenge that because this is an ongoing process and that if you're in that place right now, maybe take a day to self reflect and ask yourself, why am I feeling this way? What's the consequence of these negative feelings and then identify what you don't want to feel like and do the opposite because it can be easy to say it's a switch. But to know what to switch to, you have to identify what you don't want. Mm-hmm So I think you just mentioned something I think is probably important for us to practice, to develop this muscle is. Oh, it's killing me. Yeah, why is it always happening? Ok? is to just keep a journal or diary and start writing this down. So at the end of the day, at least if you can't do it in the moment in real time, which is understandable. Just write down like your feelings, like, here's how I felt about these things. Because that gives you distance. We've done this many times before within this group. It's interesting, like when you're in the call with the client, you can't figure out what the issue is. But when we watch other people do it, it's so easy for us to pick apart like, oh, you weren't listening, you shouldn't take that personally. You should lean in here and stop talking about this because nobody was paying attention to you, right? Nobody so we had said that maybe the thing that we can all do is record ourselves during these calls and listen back. So that begins the process of understanding what your own voice sounds like and being able to see yourself from a different vantage point. So everybody that's struggling through that, I hope that you're doing that, that you are recording yourself one way or the other and to step back now in real life, it's not possible to do this because there's not cameras following you around all the time unless you're sometimes me or Gary Vaynerchuk and you can't really review how you've said things. So the journal is a good way. So there's some separation between the person who felt that and the person observing it, the witness, if you will. So I think that's what we need to do. We need to design ourselves and the way we think as us having some distance from the person who is feeling and seeing and thinking to the person observing those that person feeling, thinking and seeing. And then we can make different decisions for ourselves. We need to always course correct and think like the talk that I gave at creative South and at AIG. It's the same talk the workshop I'm about to do. It starts to define a process and a framework for you to take an input and change the output through your lens. If you change your lens and how you look at the world, everything can change. So that's that step in the middle that interrupts that pattern. OK, now I see a couple of hands raised, keng, since you haven't spoken, bring yourself online. Let's talk. So you answered all of it in that rant. Well, I don't prefer to refer to that as a rant, not a rant, soliloquy, a monologue. I'm just kidding. OK, that's good. That's good. Thank you. OK, and then I see a NAT and nat, did you want to jump back in there? Or that's still the hang up that I still have another question I want to ask you. That's not on the chart, Bob. Bob's your uncle. Let's do it. Yeah and all right, I'll drop some real talk on you guys now. I am a recovering addict and alcoholic, so I have deep expertise in this struggle and I'm fortunate to have a lot of clean time. Things are super good, but I have to be constantly aware of my tools. One of the things I've learned about this imposter inside of me and this sort of scarcity mindset is that it's not true that and that goes to what you're talking about, because without being able to have that switch to reframe how you're thinking about it, even as an academic exercise, saying to yourself, what if I thought about this in exactly the opposite way? How could I reframe this? And it becomes a way to do that. The other thing that I have to focus on is not focusing on outcomes, and I don't want to get metaphysical with you guys. Some of you may be, some of you may not be. But one thing I figured out about the universe and my place in it is I am in the business of action. The universe is in the business of results and that I need to think about the next best action. So if I'm having a scarcity mindset situation first, I need to say, OK, what about this? Do I have control of what about this? Do I not have control of what could I focus on in the spectrum of things I have control of? Now, what one thing could I do right now today to move from scarcity to abundance? And then I just start stacking those things episode by episode, minute by minute change, by change. And then I look at it again in a little while and things have shifted. So I could talk a lot about all this. But and anybody who wants to talk more about it, feel free to hit me up because I love to talk about this kind of stuff. But but understanding that we only have control over our actions. And so if we focus on the next right action, the next action that moves us from scarcity to abundance. Just on that right now, in this minute, then the next minute, the next thing, the next minute, the next thing you'll find, you'll make the move without even thinking about it. I love that, Bob. So bob, I want to follow up with you later. To to have you maybe run one of our calls. Oh, and bob, by the way. Drop the Mike and leave the room, that was awesome. So bob, let's do that and I'm glad you opened up to us because you're creating space for everyone also to feel like it's OK to share like this. And that's really why I wanted to create this pro community. So, so thank you for doing that. So to be determined at a later date, guys, Bob's going to headline for us, and so he'll run one of our calls. OK I'm really looking forward to that. Fantastic ok? Are there any other hands about this thing? Then I'm going to take a Nats question, then we're going to try and wrap up pretty soon. Here, I put mine down. After that, I didn't start. I'm going nowhere near the stage after that show. OK, so Roxy. Fire away. What's up? Oh, Hi. Is it OK with my mic is going somewhere, let's go, let's go. We're ready to go. Yeah so I have this, this scarcity thing. That's why I left the group because I was feeling like it didn't work that much and I was feeling like I need to save money and I'm always going to sign up for the year. And it was like more and. And then actually, after being gone six weeks, I realize it was a mistake because I get so much positive a positive push from this group, and I didn't have it for the six weeks and I was in Barcelona, so I was very distracted. So I think in a way, maybe I wouldn't have had much. It would have been overwhelming. But also, I think we compare ourselves with others best. And then we start to like, punish ourselves in a way. And that's, yeah, a lot of reflection and feeling out. A new journal right now finished 13 weeks, so that has helped. But still, I'm not. I haven't defeated it. I just learned to cope with it. Great OK, I'm going to wrap this one up and then we're going to move on, and then we're going to finish with one more question. OK the way I want to wrap this up is Crash Zoom into my face, the way I want to wrap it up. OK so something that I heard from Tony Robbins, which I've shared with you guys before, which is really important, I think, to think about, which is nothing. Nothing in your life has meaning, except for the meaning in which you assign it. So when Abby was talking about not having enough money in the bank and Roxy reminded me of this is like she's comparing herself to some other standard. Like, having a lot of money in the bank might make you happy or might not, because then you're going to be afraid that you're going to lose it all. So it's constantly we're reinterpreting reality through our very specific lens. And we're giving it all kinds of meaning. We're making the narrative about not having money as irresponsible or we're spending too much or we're not working as hard. Or maybe what we do isn't valuable to the world. That's a narrative that we're saying, or we could just be saying like this is the time before things change, and I think about this a lot is that the pain that you feel is a signal to your brain. If you reinterpret it as something wonderful is going to transform, we're going to leave behind something old to something new. It's like we're throwing away the old shell and having money or no money. It's just measuring yourself up to something else. Maybe the vision of how you're supposed to be at this point in your life and maybe this is coming from yourself. It could be coming from your parents. Or maybe you're comparing yourself to all these social posts that you're seeing online about how people are living a wonderful life. And that comparison that you're looking at is going to destroy you because no matter what you have, it's never going to be what you compare yourself to. So I think if anything, in terms of being very mindful is just to say we are here, and that's it. And not to put on that judgmental lens that we look at ourselves with because it's a deadly thing.

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