Search
Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.

Letting Go Of Familiarity

#
97
Chris Do
Published
July 5, 2019
Pro Call
Mindset & Personal Development

Chris Do answers a Pro Member's question about not taking jobs because they feel safe and familiar.

Read Transcript
How do I get over my desire to want to do production? Work but, you know, production work. I suppose it makes me feel good that I'm doing something. That I know I'm good at. OK, you're good at production. Why are you good at production? I know the tool. OK, so that's familiarity, familiarity. Yeah what else? I have deep expertise in some of the tools that I use. OK anything else? I suppose it's a safe spot. So why is it safe? I already know the answers, by the way, when I asked you all these questions, guys. I just want to let you guys know. I'll share with you guys a little bit. OK, we'll do the matamata in a little bit. Why does it feel safe? Well are you confident in the results? Yeah, Secretary told you, I knew the answer, right? OK help me out. I'd like to see people squirm. I can tell well, because sometimes they say things that surprise you. And I don't want to Rob you of the surprise. So you're confident results, then one could assume over here, you're not so confident because it's new, right? Definitely are you a good dancer? HMM, maybe, maybe, OK, I'm a terrible dancer. I don't know how to dance. So let's just say you and I went dancing one day. You're like, let's also, Chris, I'm like, ooh, let's also I don't know how to do that. Would it be unrealistic for me to step into the salsa floor and just master it the first time? A pretty unrealistic it's pretty unrealistic, so I'm going to feel really awkward and uncomfortable. Yeah and why am I feeling awkward and uncomfortable? Do you know? It's new, it's unfamiliar. doesn't look like a professional. OK OK, so this is me. Right, I'm split in half, right? And there's this idea that I'm really good. That's a halo. OK, then there's this other idea that the reality is I'm just really bad at it. That's my devil's pitchfork. And there's a conflict between these two halves. I desire to be good. I imagined myself to be really good at all things. The reality is, I'm really bad at it. So you go into it with some expectations and expectations, is the root of your unhappiness. What if I just went dancing with you and just assumed I'm going to be bad and let's just have fun? Then you would find empowering. It could be fun. Yeah, hopefully if my objective and my objective, so my objective, my expectations. Is to show off. Right and to be really good. Or my expectation is just to have a good time. And hang with friends. One has conflict. When I think I'm going to show off and show you guys god, Chris, it's pretty amazing. Look at his moves like a hip thrust. He's got this. Even like a dance is amazing. His talents are unlimited. I'm going to show off how good I am. But if I redefined my objective or my expectations, I just want to have a fun time hanging out with Mayor. There's no conflict there. There is no good and bad. My objective by showing up. I'm done because I just want to spend time with my friends. So you default to production because it's familiar, you know, that you're going to get certain results, you feel productive because that's how you define it. Well, what if strategy presented itself to be different thing that you don't have to be good at it? What if doing strategy you really find is just to be helpful? Or a chance to serve. As a total noob. Is that ok? Definitely because literally the first time I did strategy, I told my clients who already paid me, who already booked me. Everything was done for a very different job. I said, hey, I just learned this thing. It's fantastic. I think I could help you with this and you're willing to do dance with me. Like, yeah, do it. I'm not even in charge. Extra money. This is not a ploy to get more money from you. And we did it and messed up and didn't do it smoothly. They asked me questions I didn't have answers for. But I told them why. And I'm just here to help, and I've learned new things and I want to be able to give more. With no expectations on my part. And that was the first time I did strategy. And the results are the oldest case study. Literally the first time. I think it's also the only time I ever did it for free. So you default back to the things that, you know, because it's comfortable and doing anything new. Almost all new things are uncomfortable. Do you like sushi? Love sushi. What about the first time? I know it was pretty nasty and horrible. Same here. So you fish. I could barely stomach it, right? Yeah, it was new. It was uncomfortable. Why did you? Why did you not give up? My older brother was there. He took me for sushi when I was, I guess, 14 or something. I don't know, right? But why did you not give up? Why did you stick to it? And like, how do you go from gross to like, I love it. I don't know it just somewhere during that first meal, it suddenly became tasty. Oh, in one meal you're able to adjust. Yeah, that's fascinating. Yeah do not take me one meal to adjust. I went from this. That's like the tongue sticking out, right? Yeah and it took a while. All new things take a little while unless you're some amazing chameleon and you can just adapt really fast. I went from I can't eat my food. I'm about to throw up. I'll go with a California roll. One little piece of tuna, please. Now I'm just eating whatever. It's an adjustment period, so if you go into it, I'm going to hate this is horrible or I have to love it instantly. Well, guess what? What happens? Your expectations change everything. So I think the route to a lot of unhappiness is expectations. And attachment. If we can do less of these two, we're going to be a lot happier. OK yeah, that's great. So, you know, everything new is going to take time. Who's got to follow up on this? Anybody? well, I do, by the way, most of the time when you are learning something new, you already have an expert expectation of it. Yes so you say when you don't have expectations, the way we do now, we will be happier. But yes, we also like to learn new things. So how can you learn new things without expectations? Oh, fantastic. OK, let's pick something that you would like to learn. That's new. Let's work on something that you're familiar with. I'll give you an example. Who's who's speaking? Because I can't see you right now. Who's this gentleman? Kenzo OK, so what's something new that you want to learn? And let's focus on that strategy. I'm already learning about it right now, but I don't. Yeah, I'm learning it right now, I'm not complaining, I'm like, you're learning a lot right now and what are your expectations? That I can help my clients more. And I can charge more for my work. Yeah that I will have better insights. OK, so I'll write these things down, so, kansa, you're going to be able to help clients, right? Yeah, and you're going to be able to charge more. You can have better insights. Mm-hmm What else did you say anything else? I didn't say anything else, but maybe I can with even more than right? That's fine. Maybe you'll be more valuable. Yeah, for sure. OK these are outcomes of learning, right? Yeah, true. I'm not even sure that these are expectations. Why wouldn't they be? Well, when you do it for the first time, what is your expectation of yourself? To get all these things, I think, or don't you mean it like that? No, I don't mean it like that. Like, how do you judge yourself when you do it for the first time? What are your expectations in the very first time that you would be perfect at all of this? Not perfect, but at least better than what I was? Oh, fantastic. That's and that's a very healthy attitude. You know, OK, so before you learn how to do this, you're one kind of person and if you learn how to do this. Can't you? It's impossible for you not to be a little bit better than you were before. Mm-hmm yeah, for sure. But that's the also comes with expectations, I think, because I expect to be better than I was. OK well, I think that's a reasonable expectation. Then you're just talking about growth. You expect to grow and I expect to grow every day. And it's not a I'm not talking about the kind of expectation. I think the kind of expectation I'm talking about is that you'll be perfect. Ok? and idea of perfect at anywhere short or perfect. You're unhappy. your expectation is I'm going to learned something new. I'm going to help my clients a little bit more than I could yesterday. You know, so this is just redefining our objective, right, your objective and your outcome there. They're very, very reasonable. Now if you say I expect to have insights that are going to help my clients out, a million will shoot, that's a different kind of expectation I'm talking about. Sure OK, great. Yes like, if you go on a vacation and you expect the weather to be perfect to meet a really handsome or beautiful person and that you're going to have the most amazing romantic dinner date ever. Well, shoot, it's going to be hard to live up to those expectations. Yeah, it's going to be a certification, I think. I think so. It's almost kind of impossible at this point now. But if you're like, I just I've never been to this city. It's always a place I've ever wanted to be, and I hope to meet some new people. But at least I have some time to think. So different. True so I think maybe we just need to redefine what our expectations are so that there's no way you can lose. Yeah OK, so go ahead. Sorry you're going to say something. No, no, I let's go. OK fantastic. So I'm I desire to be a public speaker. And then it's time for me to go and stand on stage. Right and then I want to be the best public speaker. I want to be charming. I want to be funny. I want to say pithy things. I want to change people's lives. I want to be celebrated. I want to be invited back. I want to be paid to speak. Now Holy cow. How can I go on stage now? Mm-hmm and that's what I was thinking. I'm shaking in my boots. Oh, ho, ho, ho. What if I get stuck? But if I forget what I'm going to say? I used to have nightmares about this days leading up to a talk. because you were trying to be perfect already. I was just trying to be amazing. Right? and I'll give you some advice that a friend of mine told me recently. He said, every time we come on stage, we want to reach for the top shelf stuff the very best that we have to offer. Mm-hmm and we reached and it's a reach because it's very high. We stress out and we strain our arm and we strain our mind. We strain our every belief system when in fact, people are going to be blown away, but a middle shelf stuff. The stuff, you know, how to do every single day, just like walking. They're going to be blown away just by that, so Chris, don't reach so high, I'm easy for you to say, I want to reach really high. Same as me. Yeah, right? But then what happens is we get really nervous. We beat ourselves up. We try and we come on stage and our anxiety, our stress. The conflict between the perfect us and the real us is at war on stage, and people sense that here's the funny thing. Oh, sitting in the crowd at one of these big talks, I think this is in Geneva, I heard somebody say, well, that person is a good speaker, I'm just listening, I'm leaning. I wonder what they're saying. They said. They're just taking their time to explain things, and they're not nervous, and it makes me not nervous because the other ones felt like they were nervous. And then I was like feeling with stress and anxiety. I'm like, oh, this is a really good insight here. See what happens? Yes of you wanting to be better makes you less good and the audience feels it, and then, ooh, it's really uncomfortable. It's like a train wreck happening on stage and gosh, I wish they would just be OK with beating themselves. yeah, that's the key.

RELATED VIDEOS

Lead Generation Review and Feedback
Lead Generation Review and Feedback
TheFutur
Sep 14, 2022
Sales Objections: How to Build Trust and Rapport with a Raging Bull
Sales Objections: How to Build Trust and Rapport with a Raging Bull
Chris Do
Sep 14, 2022
Strategy Facilitation Tips
Strategy Facilitation Tips
Chris Do
Sep 14, 2022
How To Move Forward After Bad Energy
How To Move Forward After Bad Energy
Chris Do
Sep 14, 2022
Overcome Nerves Networking Function
Overcome Nerves Networking Function
Chris Do
Sep 14, 2022
Value Based Pricing Debate
Value Based Pricing Debate
Chris Do
Sep 14, 2022
thefutur.com
Upgrade your Membership

Join the digital community, find people to work with, jump in the live calls, and more! When you upgrade today, you will immediately get:

Everything you have now
Two monthly live group calls with Chris Do
Weekly Office Hours with experts
Access to the digital community
Exclusive job/project opportunities
Peer accountability partnerships
Everything you have now
$150
/month
Billed every three months
Upgrade For $449

Or get two months free by signing up for the year!

Upgrade your Membership

Join the digital community, find people to work with, jump in the live calls, and more! When you upgrade today, you will immediately get:

  • Everything you have now
  • Two monthly live group calls with Chris
  • Weekly Office Hours with experts
  • Access to the digital community
  • Exclusive job/project opportunities
  • Peer accountability partnerships
  • Networking with 800+ members
$
150
per month,
billed quarterly
Join for $449

Be The First To Know

Welcome aboard! We are thrilled to have you.
Uh oh, something went wrong. Try submitting the form again.
 

Letting Go Of Familiarity

Chris Do answers a Pro Member's question about not taking jobs because they feel safe and familiar.

Important: We’re sorry about this, but this transcript is hard to read. We’ve added the wall of text below to help our search function better. If you’d like to help us format this, please reach out to andres@thefutur.com. In the meantime, simply turn closed captions on (CC) the video above to read along.
How do I get over my desire to want to do production? Work but, you know, production work. I suppose it makes me feel good that I'm doing something. That I know I'm good at. OK, you're good at production. Why are you good at production? I know the tool. OK, so that's familiarity, familiarity. Yeah what else? I have deep expertise in some of the tools that I use. OK anything else? I suppose it's a safe spot. So why is it safe? I already know the answers, by the way, when I asked you all these questions, guys. I just want to let you guys know. I'll share with you guys a little bit. OK, we'll do the matamata in a little bit. Why does it feel safe? Well are you confident in the results? Yeah, Secretary told you, I knew the answer, right? OK help me out. I'd like to see people squirm. I can tell well, because sometimes they say things that surprise you. And I don't want to Rob you of the surprise. So you're confident results, then one could assume over here, you're not so confident because it's new, right? Definitely are you a good dancer? HMM, maybe, maybe, OK, I'm a terrible dancer. I don't know how to dance. So let's just say you and I went dancing one day. You're like, let's also, Chris, I'm like, ooh, let's also I don't know how to do that. Would it be unrealistic for me to step into the salsa floor and just master it the first time? A pretty unrealistic it's pretty unrealistic, so I'm going to feel really awkward and uncomfortable. Yeah and why am I feeling awkward and uncomfortable? Do you know? It's new, it's unfamiliar. doesn't look like a professional. OK OK, so this is me. Right, I'm split in half, right? And there's this idea that I'm really good. That's a halo. OK, then there's this other idea that the reality is I'm just really bad at it. That's my devil's pitchfork. And there's a conflict between these two halves. I desire to be good. I imagined myself to be really good at all things. The reality is, I'm really bad at it. So you go into it with some expectations and expectations, is the root of your unhappiness. What if I just went dancing with you and just assumed I'm going to be bad and let's just have fun? Then you would find empowering. It could be fun. Yeah, hopefully if my objective and my objective, so my objective, my expectations. Is to show off. Right and to be really good. Or my expectation is just to have a good time. And hang with friends. One has conflict. When I think I'm going to show off and show you guys god, Chris, it's pretty amazing. Look at his moves like a hip thrust. He's got this. Even like a dance is amazing. His talents are unlimited. I'm going to show off how good I am. But if I redefined my objective or my expectations, I just want to have a fun time hanging out with Mayor. There's no conflict there. There is no good and bad. My objective by showing up. I'm done because I just want to spend time with my friends. So you default to production because it's familiar, you know, that you're going to get certain results, you feel productive because that's how you define it. Well, what if strategy presented itself to be different thing that you don't have to be good at it? What if doing strategy you really find is just to be helpful? Or a chance to serve. As a total noob. Is that ok? Definitely because literally the first time I did strategy, I told my clients who already paid me, who already booked me. Everything was done for a very different job. I said, hey, I just learned this thing. It's fantastic. I think I could help you with this and you're willing to do dance with me. Like, yeah, do it. I'm not even in charge. Extra money. This is not a ploy to get more money from you. And we did it and messed up and didn't do it smoothly. They asked me questions I didn't have answers for. But I told them why. And I'm just here to help, and I've learned new things and I want to be able to give more. With no expectations on my part. And that was the first time I did strategy. And the results are the oldest case study. Literally the first time. I think it's also the only time I ever did it for free. So you default back to the things that, you know, because it's comfortable and doing anything new. Almost all new things are uncomfortable. Do you like sushi? Love sushi. What about the first time? I know it was pretty nasty and horrible. Same here. So you fish. I could barely stomach it, right? Yeah, it was new. It was uncomfortable. Why did you? Why did you not give up? My older brother was there. He took me for sushi when I was, I guess, 14 or something. I don't know, right? But why did you not give up? Why did you stick to it? And like, how do you go from gross to like, I love it. I don't know it just somewhere during that first meal, it suddenly became tasty. Oh, in one meal you're able to adjust. Yeah, that's fascinating. Yeah do not take me one meal to adjust. I went from this. That's like the tongue sticking out, right? Yeah and it took a while. All new things take a little while unless you're some amazing chameleon and you can just adapt really fast. I went from I can't eat my food. I'm about to throw up. I'll go with a California roll. One little piece of tuna, please. Now I'm just eating whatever. It's an adjustment period, so if you go into it, I'm going to hate this is horrible or I have to love it instantly. Well, guess what? What happens? Your expectations change everything. So I think the route to a lot of unhappiness is expectations. And attachment. If we can do less of these two, we're going to be a lot happier. OK yeah, that's great. So, you know, everything new is going to take time. Who's got to follow up on this? Anybody? well, I do, by the way, most of the time when you are learning something new, you already have an expert expectation of it. Yes so you say when you don't have expectations, the way we do now, we will be happier. But yes, we also like to learn new things. So how can you learn new things without expectations? Oh, fantastic. OK, let's pick something that you would like to learn. That's new. Let's work on something that you're familiar with. I'll give you an example. Who's who's speaking? Because I can't see you right now. Who's this gentleman? Kenzo OK, so what's something new that you want to learn? And let's focus on that strategy. I'm already learning about it right now, but I don't. Yeah, I'm learning it right now, I'm not complaining, I'm like, you're learning a lot right now and what are your expectations? That I can help my clients more. And I can charge more for my work. Yeah that I will have better insights. OK, so I'll write these things down, so, kansa, you're going to be able to help clients, right? Yeah, and you're going to be able to charge more. You can have better insights. Mm-hmm What else did you say anything else? I didn't say anything else, but maybe I can with even more than right? That's fine. Maybe you'll be more valuable. Yeah, for sure. OK these are outcomes of learning, right? Yeah, true. I'm not even sure that these are expectations. Why wouldn't they be? Well, when you do it for the first time, what is your expectation of yourself? To get all these things, I think, or don't you mean it like that? No, I don't mean it like that. Like, how do you judge yourself when you do it for the first time? What are your expectations in the very first time that you would be perfect at all of this? Not perfect, but at least better than what I was? Oh, fantastic. That's and that's a very healthy attitude. You know, OK, so before you learn how to do this, you're one kind of person and if you learn how to do this. Can't you? It's impossible for you not to be a little bit better than you were before. Mm-hmm yeah, for sure. But that's the also comes with expectations, I think, because I expect to be better than I was. OK well, I think that's a reasonable expectation. Then you're just talking about growth. You expect to grow and I expect to grow every day. And it's not a I'm not talking about the kind of expectation. I think the kind of expectation I'm talking about is that you'll be perfect. Ok? and idea of perfect at anywhere short or perfect. You're unhappy. your expectation is I'm going to learned something new. I'm going to help my clients a little bit more than I could yesterday. You know, so this is just redefining our objective, right, your objective and your outcome there. They're very, very reasonable. Now if you say I expect to have insights that are going to help my clients out, a million will shoot, that's a different kind of expectation I'm talking about. Sure OK, great. Yes like, if you go on a vacation and you expect the weather to be perfect to meet a really handsome or beautiful person and that you're going to have the most amazing romantic dinner date ever. Well, shoot, it's going to be hard to live up to those expectations. Yeah, it's going to be a certification, I think. I think so. It's almost kind of impossible at this point now. But if you're like, I just I've never been to this city. It's always a place I've ever wanted to be, and I hope to meet some new people. But at least I have some time to think. So different. True so I think maybe we just need to redefine what our expectations are so that there's no way you can lose. Yeah OK, so go ahead. Sorry you're going to say something. No, no, I let's go. OK fantastic. So I'm I desire to be a public speaker. And then it's time for me to go and stand on stage. Right and then I want to be the best public speaker. I want to be charming. I want to be funny. I want to say pithy things. I want to change people's lives. I want to be celebrated. I want to be invited back. I want to be paid to speak. Now Holy cow. How can I go on stage now? Mm-hmm and that's what I was thinking. I'm shaking in my boots. Oh, ho, ho, ho. What if I get stuck? But if I forget what I'm going to say? I used to have nightmares about this days leading up to a talk. because you were trying to be perfect already. I was just trying to be amazing. Right? and I'll give you some advice that a friend of mine told me recently. He said, every time we come on stage, we want to reach for the top shelf stuff the very best that we have to offer. Mm-hmm and we reached and it's a reach because it's very high. We stress out and we strain our arm and we strain our mind. We strain our every belief system when in fact, people are going to be blown away, but a middle shelf stuff. The stuff, you know, how to do every single day, just like walking. They're going to be blown away just by that, so Chris, don't reach so high, I'm easy for you to say, I want to reach really high. Same as me. Yeah, right? But then what happens is we get really nervous. We beat ourselves up. We try and we come on stage and our anxiety, our stress. The conflict between the perfect us and the real us is at war on stage, and people sense that here's the funny thing. Oh, sitting in the crowd at one of these big talks, I think this is in Geneva, I heard somebody say, well, that person is a good speaker, I'm just listening, I'm leaning. I wonder what they're saying. They said. They're just taking their time to explain things, and they're not nervous, and it makes me not nervous because the other ones felt like they were nervous. And then I was like feeling with stress and anxiety. I'm like, oh, this is a really good insight here. See what happens? Yes of you wanting to be better makes you less good and the audience feels it, and then, ooh, it's really uncomfortable. It's like a train wreck happening on stage and gosh, I wish they would just be OK with beating themselves. yeah, that's the key.
Read More